Complicated Convenience
by Jamille Shane
Summary: Shanna and Siranon find themselves in the same boat having been left with babies overnight. He has the family connections and money. She happens to be the correct species. Could something this complicated ever make it? Horrible summary! Two OCs in the Trek universe, human and Vulcan with a cast of others thrown in. You never know what will happen in this one...
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - This story is in memoriam of JG, a relative I lost not too long ago. I didn't know what else I could do to express my grief, so I put it into creativity. I love you, JG._

* * *

One

Shanna Brown-Castillo was distracted. She was always distracted, lately. She went to work at the Vulcan embassy, did her job well enough, but as soon as the day ended, she was out of there. It hadn't always been like that.

When she started working there over a year ago as the personal assistant to a very aged Vulcan diplomat by the name of Telvin, she had been very social with everyone. She would attend every office get-together after work hours and enjoyed the life of a single young woman.

No one knew that her life had changed drastically five months before. Everyone noticed, but no one had the nerve to ask why. They were afraid of offending her. Not only had her social patterns changed, but so had her mode of dress. She also looked tired all of the time. They attributed this to the fact that one of her first cousins she grew up with had passed away. But they expected her grief to lift sooner.

One of the other Vulcan diplomats did not have the concerns of everyone else around him of offending her on the subject and he called Shanna into his office one day.

She walked in with a half smile on her face and wondered what Siranon wanted. He almost never bothered her professionally since they barely ever interacted at work. They had had several very interesting conversations when she used to go to the office mixers. He was one of the few Vulcans she found it very easy to converse with. But since she hadn't been going to any of the office occasions lately, they had barely spoken.

"Please, be seated," he pointed to the chair opposite his desk.

Shanna sat down and looked at him, askance since she didn't need to report to him about anything there at the embassy. The two silently regarded one another for a couple of seconds.

Shanna was average height and weight. As to her looks, the things that caught the eye of everyone that met her was the contrast of her flawless dark mocha skin, grey eyes and her raven black wavy.

Siranon was almost tall with dark hair and eyes, but the bone structure of his face seemed to be chiseled to perfection. It was almost disgustingly beautiful. One of the older ladies in the mailroom had once remarked, "Damn shame we can't never see a smile on _that _face!" as she laughed uproariously.

"Is there some reason you wanted to see me?" Shanna asked carefully. She was very tired, but she was trying not to show it.

"It has been noticed by others that you seem to be quite different since the death of your relative. Are you experiencing hardship due to excess emotion?" he asked out of nowhere.

She felt like someone had slapped her. "Oh…" She didn't know what to think. "Um… did Telvin tell you that my work wasn't any good lately or something?" she asked, confused.

"Telvin has nothing to do with my line of enquiry."

She sat there and looked at him. He wasn't saying anything else. Now she was getting angry. "Do I _have to_ answer your questions?"

"I do not see the reason you would not answer."

She frowned. She was really trying to hang onto her cool. Maybe because she was so tired, she was seeing too much into this, but she was getting even angrier. "Well because maybe I think it isn't any of your business."

She had never spoken to him or anyone else, as far as he was aware, in this way! "It is the policy of the Vulcan embassy to take care of their employees. If you are experiencing any form of hardship, we may be able to provide you some assistance."

Then she felt horrible. "I'm sorry," she said as she looked down at her shoes. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that."

But he saw she still wasn't going to tell him what was going on. "You are in no need of assistance?"

She looked over at him and wondered just how much he really wanted to know. "My cousin died, everyone knows that. But what everyone doesn't know is when he died, his baby was left with…nothing. No one. My aunt and uncle, my cousin's parents, were killed in a shuttle accident ten years ago, so there are no grandparents there. My cousin's wife ran off after the baby was born talking about she needed her freedom or whatever and her parents have no interest in taking the baby. They seem to have just let her go back home and she doesn't do anything at all for this kid! So my mother and I wound up taking care of Ananda -that's the baby." She shrugged. "I wound up with a baby overnight. That's what happened."

She looked up at him when she saw he was not saying a word. His eyes had softened considerably. "I do not engage in subterfuge very well," he admitted. "I was already aware of your situation."

"What?!" she asked, a little horrified. "Why did you make me sit there and say all of that, then?" she began to stand so she could leave the office.

Siranon raised one hand to try and calm her. "Please, please hear me out. I am in my own form of trouble. And I need your help."

She stopped in her tracks. He did look a little desperate underneath it all. "Siranon?"

"Shanna, please sit down, listen to my predicament now. It is not the same as yours, but it is quite similar."

She sat down, concerned. "What's going on? Did you get a baby thrust at you, too, overnight?" she asked jokingly.

He didn't mince words. "Yes."

Her mouth dropped open. "When?"

"One month, three days, five hours, six minutes and-"

"I get the point. How old is the baby? I mean, who's taking care of him right now?"

"I have engaged a nanny. Henry is three months of age, as of yesterday. But my problem is severe."

"Oh?"

Siranon swallowed. "I was served with papers earlier today. The child is human. He was the product of the marriage of my former business partner and his wife. They both perished and… He thought it best to leave the child with me in case of an emergency, I honestly do not know why, but he did so in his will. And now I have a human child." He shook his head. "Why the child's maternal aunt and uncle have waited this long to protest the adoption is beyond me." He swallowed as he looked in her eyes. "I have grown attached, to say the least. And I do not wish to give him up."

She was caught by the throat at the thought of someone coming along and just taking Ananda from her. Her eyes teared up. "That's so sad. What are the grounds of them taking him from you? What about his grandparents, what do they say?"

He saw then that she was quite affected by the thought of Henry being taken from him. Perhaps his plan would work out after all. "His grandparents on both sides have opined that they are old and have raised their children. Due to my educational background and family connections, they have stated that Henry shall be raised well. I had made a provision that he would visit them on a regular basis throughout his life, so they were included in the plans for the adoption. I know both sets of grandparents quite well," he mused. "But the grounds upon which the child's maternal aunt and uncle have protested the adoption is the fact that I am not only not human, but that I am a Vulcan and that I will be incapable of providing Henry with the emotional support he very much needs."

She sat there, dazed. It hadn't even occurred to her to question his being fit as the boy's parent until then. "Oh."

"They contend that I am here at the embassy too much, that I have no wife, that-" He sighed. "I did not wish to agree with their charges, but I suppose they are perhaps correct. How can I, a Vulcan, know how to raise a human child? Already, I have accelerated Henry's education in a Vulcan way. Perhaps I am damaging him by doing so?"

Shanna felt a keen liking of Siranon in that very moment. "You're experiencing parental guilt. You're his father already, whether they like it or not."

He swallowed. "The adoption will not be protested, according to my lawyers, if I bring a consistent human female into his life in form of a wife. I would ask that you be that woman."

She frowned. "What?"

"I propose koon-ut-so-lik. I believe the two of us should marry and raise these children together as siblings."


	2. Chapter 2

Two

Shanna only blinked at first two or three times. Her mind was in a loop. One third of her was terribly offended that he would think that it was okay to spring something like this on a woman. Another third of her felt so terribly about his predicament, she was starting to feel guilty for being angry and offended with him. And the last third of her just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible and that led her back to being offended all over again. This made her forget to edit her words to someone who was, basically, her superior. "I have to be totally honest, but you must be nuts."

His eyebrows rose. "Have you accused me of insanity?" He was obviously affronted.

"Yeah, I guess I have. Because you have _got_ to be crazy to think something like this is going to work."

"I do not understand. You are a human female in sudden possession of a child as am I. You can prevent Henry from being taken away from me." He looked down at his desk as if he were in his own mental loop. "I do not understand why you would accuse me of such. I only wish to keep him."

She automatically felt terribly for accusing him of insanity. "Okay, Siranon, I'm sorry I said that to you. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

He bristled then, still straight faced. "I have no feelings to hurt."

She found herself slumping in her chair and huffed out an inarticulate gust of air at that point. "I can't say anything right," she muttered as if to herself. "It has to be the exhaustion. A 4 a.m. feeding can do that to anyone."

"Please, tell me why you do not think such a situation could work? I believe it could."

She sat up again, straightening out and trying to ignore the exhaustion gnawing at her. "Point for point, and you can debate me if you want to-"

"Ah, yes, discussing logical points. This, I can do."

She sighed and continued, "Well first off, it's obvious to everyone around us that we are_ not_ dating. We've never dated. A couple of conversations at past office mixers does qualify either. I mean we've never even so much as gone out for soup and salad together," she said off the top of her head.

"What does that have to do with-"

"Human lawyers make a career out of proving sham marriages in cases like this. So you can't be single one day and then the next day show up with a human fiancé with a ring on her finger. Most Earth cultures these days don't work that way. Four or five hundred years ago the parents would have spoken and made some kind of agreement and it would have been a done deal. But well, those times are in the past for most of Earth's cultures. And as romantic as I think that is, that's just not the culture I come from at this moment in time."

He visibly frowned. "That is still the norm in Vulcan culture."

She looked at him then, deadpan. "What?"

"From a young age, we are put together by our parents and betrothed to be married. And then under most circumstances we do not see one another again for 15 to 25 years. At that time, we are reunited and ready to commence our lives as a married couple."

She was kind of shocked. "I really didn't know that." It dawned on her then, "Well then, where's your wife?"

"I do not wish to discuss that situation at the moment."

She felt a flash of anger pass through her and said not another word. She simply stood and began to leave his office.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

Did he sound panicked? "I have to go. You're asking me to do something erroneous and then you have the nerve to tell me you don't want to discuss what happened with your last marriage or whatever? And you're asking me to be wife number 2?"

"She departed my company four years ago," he said quickly, simply to keep her from leaving his office.

That stopped her in her tracks as she looked back at him then, confused. "What, she died? You're a widow?"

"No. She simply did not-" and he was struggling for words. "She found another mate."

Her eyes widened as she went and quickly sat down in front of his desk, again. "Did you get cheated on?"

It still stuck in his craw, though he would never admit it. "That is the human expression."

She sighed and thought about her situation with her ex, Willem. But she had no idea Vulcans did such things! "I know the feeling," she muttered halfway embarrassed.

He looked at her then, surprised. "You were married?"

She shook her head. "No. I was engaged to be married and… well, my ex… when I found out about the other woman he was cheating with he didn't want to stay with her or anything, at least that's what he_ claimed_. But I decided that I wasn't taking _that_ back, and that was that." She was miles away at that point reliving the past. "That was over two years ago." She shook herself back to the present and looked back at the man across the desk and continued. "Anyhow, you can't just pop up with a human fiancé. That's just so not done in a situation like this. I mean if you wanted to be really convincing, we would have to be seen together first for a couple of weeks at least and then-"

He sat forward as he began listening to her words with rapt attention.

She realized her mistake just then. "Oh, no no no! I don't want you to think that I'm actually going to do this!"

"I still cannot ascertain why you would not do so. If I court you properly first and then we become engaged-"

"You're forgetting some pertinent facts!"

"And these facts are?"

"Siranon, do you even like me? Do you think I'm attractive? I can't marry a man that doesn't even find me tolerable in looks or personality or- I can't do that to myself. Do you know how many people are married, miserable, staying together just 'for the children'? And those people, at least, most of them started out with stars in their eyes and in love and everything. But we don't even have that to begin with! And do you how many of those people's kids all say 'they should have gotten divorced years ago'? Kids can tell when you don't really want to be together. I don't want to do that to these children! They're young and vulnerable and they deserve the best. We're strangers to one another. We can't give them the best."

"Shanna, can we not even simply attempt this? They will take him away from me." He looked in her eyes and she saw desperation and earnestness. "Please, do not allow them to remove him from my care. It has only been a month, but things have changed and I do not wish to return to how they were before he arrived in my life. If I no longer had Henry-" he didn't say one more word. He simply sat there and looked at her, stared her down, tried to convey emotions he would never admit to with only his eyes.

She found herself being affected by that look in his eyes. There was no emotion on his face, not one flicker. But his eyes… they were the eyes of a parent that desperately needed to keep their child at all costs. And she could understand his willingness to do something so ridiculous to keep his baby. "Oh dammit," she found herself whispering. She was now emotionally involved. "Dammit."

He had been around humans long enough to understand what that meant. "I shall press you no longer on the subject. Simply agree to one thing only at this time."

"That would be?"

"Allow me to come to your home or perhaps we may both meet at a neutral location with the children. I believe I have heard this referred to as a 'play date'?"

She had to suppress deep giggles. A Vulcan suggesting a play date. There was a first time for everything she supposed. She sighed as she thought about that. A play date. That was simple enough. "Okay. Two parents meeting for a play date… and that's IT."

"That is all I ask at this time. One play date with the children."

She had a feeling she was going to regret this. "Fine. One play date."


	3. Chapter 3

Three

It was Saturday afternoon in Freedom Park. There were a lot of families out with their children as well as the usual collection of park visitors on a fine, sunny day.

There was a section of four young boys over at the furthest point of the park flying a green dragon kite together. Skaters did complicated maneuvers over on the other side of the park in the pipeline section. And there was a whole different gated part of the park where people participated in parrises squares, a challenging game that Shanna knew her mother used to play years ago.

There was a whole row of mothers and uniformed nannies of every sort of people from across the Federation sitting on benches devouring books while lots of children played on a nearby old style jungle gym. It was one of the last ones left in the country. Years ago, nearly all of them had been removed. There had been a resurgence of them 50 years later. But the new ones were equipped with safety smart-tech.

There were also couples walking the trails, holding hands and talking. Entire families of moms and dads with children in tow of all ages strolled past.

Shanna sat down tiredly on a bench. "You are getting heavy, girl," she said as she looked down at Ananda who was obviously quite tickled at being outside. The nine month old baby girl was in a sling wrapped around Shanna enjoying the view. She was a sweet looking child with a big mass of dark spiral curls that sprung out from her head and ran amok in every direction, brown skin and almond shaped eyes. Her little head had a tiny blue ribbon at the very top circling one of the sections of curls on her head. Shanna had asked her mother to stop putting those in the baby's hair, but she kept chirping on about how 'cute, cute, cute!' it was.

The woman was just starting to wonder where Siranon was when she spied a hunky Vulcan carrying a small baby in the crook of one arm. There was nothing like a fine, broad shouldered man carrying a- Her mouth almost dropped open. It _was_ Siranon! He was looking quite cool while wearing dark shades and holding an infant as if he did it every day of the week. And she realized, of course he did, these days!

He raised his hand in salute as he approached. "Live long and prosper, Shanna. May I introduce you to my child, Henry Ishikawa."

She looked down and saw the baby being held in the crook of Siranon's arm. He was so beautiful, she found herself staring at the still bald boy with very obvious Asian features. "Oh my goodness, he's just too cute!"

You would have thought he understood what was said, because he chose that moment to have one burst of spontaneous laughter as he flapped his arms.

Shanna then heard Ananda protesting something. "Oh, this is Ananda Brown. She's nine months old. Say 'hi' baby!"

Siranon leaned in close to look at her, but before Shanna could warn him that that was not a good idea, Ananda had already grabbed a hold of the Vulcan's cheek and would not let go. She squealed in gleeful triumph as she held onto her prize even tighter.

"Ananda!" said Shanna, a little embarrassed as the baby girl finally let him go. Where he had been grabbed there was a slight green tinge of a bruise forming. "Oh my goodness!" Shanna was even more horrified seeing that.

But Siranon didn't seem at all offended. "She is an infant," he said simply. He looked down at the little boy tucked comfortably in the crook of his arm. "Henry has already doused me in his bodily fluids on several occasions. Given the choice, I would much rather be assaulted by Ananda. There are no messy clean-ups involved."

Shanna wondered if he was joking. "When that girl grabs a hold of your cheeks, that hurts! I've been the unlucky one many a time," she laughed. And it looked as if Ananda wanted to have another go at his face, because she was holding her little arms up at him and starting to whine. "Trying to finish the man off?" Shanna asked the baby.

Siranon turned, then to reveal a pack on his back. "I have a blanket strapped to my backpack. Would you do me the favor of removing it?"

She saw he did have a blanket strapped to his bag and took it off. The two of them spread it out on their portion of lawn. They sat down together and neither seemed too tense because they were so busy taking care of their respective children.

Shanna was taking Ananda out of the sling and Siranon was putting Henry down on his stomach to give him some tummy time. Ananda, of course, was not at all pleased with the fact that Henry was taking all of her attention. She used Shanna as an anchor to pull herself up and wavered in place. She took two tentative steps forward and almost fell over, but Siranon quickly scooped her up. She looked up at him and squealed. But just before she could perpetuate another attack on his face, he put up one finger and firmly said, "No, Ananda! Do not do that."

Shanna was shocked as the girl stopped and didn't even try to grab his face. She only settled down into his arms and gave off a contented sigh. "I do believe," said Siranon as if he had invented sliced bread, "she seems quite secure with me."

Shanna could just read his mind from that look in his eyes. 'I would make an excellent father for her, would I not?' She rolled her eyes, but then found herself looking down at Henry as the baby put his arms and legs out in a flying maneuver and began squealing in delight. He looked too adorable and she found herself cooing over him. "He is so cute!" He looked up at her then and gave her another one of his award winning smiles. She couldn't help it. She found herself lifting him into her arms. "Oh, I remember when I first got Ananda! I really do miss having one this size," she found herself saying without thinking as she sniffed the baby smell of his head.

"That can be remedied."

"Siranon," she said in a warning tone.

"I retract the statement," he immediately put in.

It didn't help that an older couple suddenly walked up then with huge smiles. "We just wanted to say that we totally support your relationship!" the woman said.

"Mixed couples are wonderful," the man nodded.

Shanna was in the process of saying, "We're n-"

But Siranon was on it that fast. "Thank you for your support," he said.

As the old couple walked away happily, Shanna gave him the most squint-eyed look of disapproval she could muster.

His eyes widened. "I shall not do it again," he promised.

"Hmm," was all she answered.

##

They sat outside together. Their conversation wound up centering around the children. At different points they fed the babies, reapplied sunblock to the exposed skin on the tiny bodies and then picked them both up to go for a brief walk together.

She had to contend that this day out was much nicer than the lack of recreation she had had during the past couple of months. It had only been her and her mother. Her mother watched the baby while she was at work and the moment she was done working, Shanna would go to her mother's and pick her up to take her back home with her. She spent every waking moment not at work with Ananda.

She had been very open in letting all of her friends know they were always welcomed to come and visit her at home while Ananda was still in infant stage, but most of them had been scared off by the fact that she now had an infant. One of the people she thought was her best friend felt personally slighted that Shanna could not go out until the wee hours any longer. She had come to her place two months before and, quite emotionally, told her how hurt she was that she had been replaced by a baby. It didn't matter what Shanna said or did to try and make her understand that this had all been unplanned. She just didn't understand. Their friendship had come to a screeching halt when she suggested maybe Ananda would be better off put up for adoption. They had made up as of a week before, but things were not the same.

The one friend that had stuck around was married with a child herself and understood what it was like to be at home almost all of the time. It was funny how hindsight was 20/20, because when that friend of hers had given birth a year before, Shanna had been the only one to still go and visit with her and hang out at home with her for a night in to watch movies once or twice a month. Little did she realize that that was going to be her, soon. She had movie night in scheduled with her the following Friday, she remembered then.

Their play date lasted less than two hours. Shanna smiled up at him. "Well I guess this is it. It's time for me to put Ananda down for a nap so I should get her home now."

"You may come to my residence and do so," he offered. "I must also make certain Henry receives adequate rest cycles."

Did she detect eagerness in his voice? "That's all right. You said only a play date."

"Yes, I did," he agreed. "Then perhaps dinner tomorrow night would be possible?"

"I can't go out," she said as she shook her head. "It isn't fair for my mom to have to watch Ananda that often, so-"

"You may of course bring her with you since Henry shall be present," he said and this time he did sound slightly eager. "If you wish, you may see it as another play date that includes solid nourishment for the adults."

She stood there and shook her head again. Had her life become so blasé she was willing to settle for any kind of adult company? She looked up at Siranon and thought: _Who am I kidding? The man is FINE. It wouldn't hurt to look at his face for a few hours two days in a row. His best friend left him his baby… that must mean he's more than just not a bad guy, he must be seriously descent. And he's no stranger to me… _ "All right," she relented.

His eyes only widened a fraction of an inch. He was genuinely surprised. "I shall have a meal waiting. Henry and I look forward to your presence."


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N - Warning, long chapter with lots of info._

* * *

Four

"So is he cute?" asked her mother, halfway teasing.

She was trying to finish doing her hair as her mother dressed a halfway protesting Ananda. "Mom, it's not like that."

"I didn't ask if it was 'like that', I asked if he was cute!" she laughed.

She looked at her mother's wicked smile and couldn't help but grin. Her mother had been very daring and just a little inappropriate in her youth and it still showed. The older woman would often wonder aloud how she wound up with such a straight-laced respectable daughter. But Shanna gave in to her mother's question anyway. "Yes, mom, he's cute." She thought about it as she braided her hair back and tied it up. "Actually, he's more than just cute. It's a bit disgusting, really."

"Oh!" her mother said with a huge grin. "Cute like _that_?"

"I already told you, though, it's not like that."

"So why are you going to his house for dinner?" she asked. She enjoyed trying to embarrass her daughter.

"He has a baby, just like me, out of nowhere and maybe he's just looking for parental company."

Her mother was a little shorter than Shanna. Her daughter resembled her in many ways, but her mother's hair was much curlier and she kept it cut just at her shoulders. She was in her 60s and miraculously still looked as if she were a 35 year old woman. Shanna took after her in that regard as well since she was still getting carded though she was just past 30 years of age.

And she was not at all convinced that this man was inviting her over just because they were both single parents with no other adult company. "He doesn't need to have you over for dinner for a play date," she continued to tease.

Shanna sighed. "Whatever, mom."

"I know what I'm talking about. He may be a Vulcan, but he's still a man."

"Tell that to the Vulcan," she said. She hadn't told her mother the real reason Siranon was looking for her company. She found that part a little embarrassing. He wasn't really interested in 'her', per se. He just needed a mother for Henry.

##

It wasn't the limo-shuttle complete with pilot that came to pick her and Ananda up that made Shanna feel intimidated. It was not the long row of big gorgeous houses along what the residents of that County called Diplomat Lane. It wasn't even the fact that the chauffer helped her out of the shuttle as she stared up at the big lovely old house. It was the fact that when she was ushered into the structure that was much larger looking on the inside than it was on the outside, two women in uniform whites were standing there and one of them was holding Henry. They were obviously nannies. One was human, one Betazoid.

Siranon was there, as well. "I see you have arrived," he said politely as he extended his hand to take the offering in hers.

"It's a mixed salad. No meat, but do you eat cheese?" she asked him, concerned and still trying to absorb everything around her.

"Yes, I do in fact occasionally ingest dairy products," he said as he handed the salad over to a waiting servant whom took it out of sight and presumably to the kitchen. He then looked down at Ananda in Shanna's arms. "Hello, young lady. How are you this evening?" he asked as if she would answer.

Ananda smiled at him and verbalized something that wasn't quite a coo and wasn't quite a word, but it did sound like syllables strung together. Shanna was amazed at the look on Siranon's face as if he were really listening to what the little girl was babbling. "I do believe she shall speak early," he said to Shanna. "Would you like to leave her with the nannies? They are both adequately background checked and very professional at all times."

Shanna held Ananda even closer and shook her head. "No, that's all right."

"Very well," Siranon nodded. "I shall take Henry at this time," he said to one of the nannies. The human one went and deposited Henry into Siranon's arms and they both left at that time. "If you would please follow me," he requested politely.

Shanna followed him from the large foyer down a long hallway and to the right. They entered what looked to be a nursery playroom equipped with all kinds of soft, plush infant toys and sensory integration games. "Oh wow!" she said in awe. "This place is amazing."

Ananda was already fighting to get out of her arms and crawl about the room. She kneeled down to put the baby on the floor and let her have at it. Ananda was off, crawling quickly toward a very large stuffed bear.

Siranon pulled up several chairs and offered her one. "Would you like to sit while the children play?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you," she said as she sat down. She watched him place Henry into a bouncy chair with some kind of sensory program that clicked up before him on a heads-up display. "Is that safe for his eyes?"

"The game has been adjusted to human infant eyes and brainwaves. It will allow Henry to come to full fruition of his intelligence quotient that much faster. He is only allowed to remain in this form of game two times a day, five minutes each." He did not say out loud what he was thinking, that it was very motherly of her to be concerned about the boy's eyesight.

She smiled and saw that Henry was enjoying himself quite a lot as his little arms and legs moved around sporadically as the chair bounced and the program played. She found herself laughing at his squealing laughter. Whatever was going on was hilarious to the tiny boy.

"I trust your morning went well?" asked Siranon.

She nodded. "It was okay."

"Does Ananda sleep through the night as of yet?"

She shook her head. "No. She still wakes up two times a night, at least. Some nights she wakes up about three times."

He frowned significantly. "But I have heard that sleep deprivation in humans causes inefficiency and psychological problems."

She laughed a little. "Yes, it does."

He didn't understand. "And yet you laugh at your predicament?"

"Mothers have been sleep deprived for centuries. That's not ending anytime soon," she waved off his concern casually as she looked over at Ananda whom was seemingly in the process of giving the stuffed bear a serious beat down.

"Perhaps-" He stopped himself immediately and didn't say anything more. He instead pretended as if he had not begun a sentence and then let it go.

She looked at him, confused. "Perhaps?"

"Pardon?" he asked, as if he didn't know what she meant.

"You said 'perhaps' and then that was it. What happened? Perhaps what?"

He shook his head. "I think it would be for the best if I did not say what I was going to say. I do not wish to offend. Most certainly, not you."

She sighed. "Say what you were going to say and I promise I won't get angry." She knew she had quite the snapping temper with people when they said things to her that they shouldn't. Siranon had already felt the glare she could give when she was not happy with something, and already the poor thing was paranoid of it. "Go ahead. I won't get angry."

He looked at her and sighed first. "Henry has three nannies, there is a third you have not yet met. Perhaps, if you wish it, you could sleep here several nights a week and take advantage of that option."

She knew her tendency was to get pissed off first and she really put her mind into not being that way. She forced herself to think outside her normal parameters. "You're concerned about me being sleep deprived," she realized.

"Yes, of course. You must work long hours and then afterward you must go home and take care of an infant. I am quite concerned about your lack of sleep."

Shanna could see the concern in his eyes. He was of course a beautiful man, but how had she missed how nice his eyes were? She snapped herself out of it. She was sleep deprived, all right! "I am not angry at all at your suggestion," she realized.

"But you will not take it," he knew.

"No, I'm sorry. It's not like I hired the nannies or I live here or-" she shrugged. "I couldn't do that. It doesn't seem right. That's Henry's staff."

Siranon nodded. "Then perhaps you will allow me to come to your home one day a week with Henry and keep Ananda for you. This way you could obtain some rest while you both remain under our own roof."

That was when she became concerned. "Do I look sleepy or something?"

"Yes," he answered, still concerned.

"And this has nothing to do with your asking me to marry you?"

"No."

She knew he wouldn't lie. And something about his concern pushed into the deeper parts of her and caused warmth to blossom in her belly. "That's just the sweetest thing ever," she almost whispered as she looked over at Ananda now gumming on the big stuffed animal's foot. Yes, she was kind of exhausted. And that exhaustion was talking to her. So what if he'd asked her to marry him and she had told him 'no'? If anything, that should show how big of a man he was to still befriend her and try and help her.

She smiled. "Sleep is that thing no one tells you you're going to miss when you can't have it anymore. And it's not the same as when you're a student and studying for all-nighters. This is a continual stop-start of being up and back down and up and back down to the point that even when the baby is sleeping peacefully at some point you're wide awake worried about when they're going to get up again."

"Shanna?" he asked, breaking her out of her thoughts. "Then you shall accept my help?"

She smiled over at him, happy that he cared at least about her lack of sleep. "I can't say yes to that, but I'm not saying no right now. Let me think about it, all right?"

"I can accept that answer, for now," he said.

##

They went to the kitchen after that and put both babies into specialty infant chairs. "I purchased a second for Ananda," he admitted.

She noticed he was barely able to eat because he was busy holding up a bottle of nutrient for Henry so the baby could eat. She was having her own issues. For every bite she took, Ananda demanded three bites of her own pureed fruit vegetable combination.

At one point, there was a small bit of quiet as Henry sucked on his bottle and Shanna held a bottle up to Ananda's mouth after her tiny meal. The two parents found themselves looking at one another, lost in their own thoughts. He found himself admitting in his own mind, the color of her eyes, the steel grey paired with such dark skin and even darker hair… it was compellingly unforgettable.

He looked away from her quickly, surprised at his thoughts. He would have to meditate well and deep that night. This woman had not agreed to become his bond mate and he found it improper of him to have such thoughts about her.

Shanna noticed what had happened and found herself shocked that she had been eye-gazing with the Vulcan. What the heck was that? Well he was handsome, she already knew that, but never mind his handsomeness, he was likable. "You never told me," she said since it was obvious neither one of them was doing much eating, "about Henry's parents. Business partner?"

He sighed as he looked at Henry sucking contentedly on his bottle. The baby's eyes were beginning to close. He quickly took the child out of his infant chair and held him in his arms and continued feeding him in order for the boy to relax and fall asleep. Henry's eyes began to droop all over again.

Siranon began to speak then. "Long years ago, I came to Earth to be in training to become a diplomat. I was still quite young. I believe your word in Standard English is 'teenager'?"

"That young?"

"Yes, that young. I was sent to Japan on an exchange at nineteen. It was one of the cultures I was to study to learn about the many nuances of Earth and its cultures. During that time, I met a boy genius with aspirations of working in the field of engineering. He was nearly a decade younger than me being only 10 years of age and we shared the mutual interest of engineering. His name was Kenji Ishikawa. A friendship developed since he was desperately in need of an older mentor. We formed somewhat of a partnership a decade later via an invention he had of the Ishikawa Drive."

Her eyes widened. "Ishikawa? The ones in the Tulvens? That was you guys?" Tulven Hovercrafts were the standard in safety and efficiency for many years due to the Ishikawa Drive. "You said he invented it. What did you do to it?"

"I examined his schematics and helped him with a few problems that existed with the initial design. Once the design was built, I enacted several safety stopgaps to help the engine burn cold instead of hot, drastically reduced and then eliminated harmful emissions by the latter models." He looked down at Henry and watched the boy's eyes droop and open over and over as he continued to drink.

"I knew his entire family. I met the woman who was to become his wife over in Europe. I was the one who introduced them to one another not knowing that this boy would be the result," he said as he looked down at Henry whom had finally stopped fighting the battle with sleep and given in. The bottle was empty and out of his mouth, but the boy was still suckling.

Shanna developed a lump in her throat. There was obvious love in his eyes for the child. She wondered if he knew that it showed so openly. She realized then it wasn't just the child, it had been his parents, as well. "So you knew her well, too?"

He looked directly at her, then. "You must understand, Ken and Mila were together for nearly twenty years before they decided to have Henry. In that time, I grew to know both of their families very well. To some extent, I still have some difficulty processing their deaths. No amount of meditation has caused it to sink in, as it were. For a decade, at one point in my life, they were a part of my daily living. When I was promoted at the embassy, I was forced to give up my time at Ishikawa Factory. I could not hold two professions, I was told by my clan mother. I had to choose which I wished to keep. She did not apply pressure, I must say that honestly. I also detected that she who was my wife at the time wished for me to take the embassy position. And I did so."

She looked over and saw that Ananda looked very sleepy herself. "Food always does it," she said as she took her out of the chair and held her. The girl never was one to fight sleep too much. She put her head right on Shanna's chest and fell asleep.

"Tell me of your cousin, her father," Siranon requested.

Shanna swallowed back almost instant tears. "I still can't believe he's gone. He—I guess you could say he was a little bit of a late bloomer. He grew up with my mother, actually, they were children together. She took it so hard when he died. So did I, but I've never seen her that inconsolable." She had to pause for a couple of seconds as the memory assaulted her of her mother wailing at the news of his death, tears streaming down her face…

"Anyway, he got married for the first time less than five years ago. His wife was younger than him, but not by much. She was in her forties. She wasn't too stable as it was and he always had to hold things together between them. She just couldn't handle anything, not cooking or cleaning or… Then they had a surprise pregnancy and she really destabilized after that. She told us she wanted the baby, but after she had Ananda, within the month she was gone. She said she didn't want to be a mother, she never wanted children, she just had the baby because my cousin wanted her to have a baby so she did."

She swallowed back grief and tears. "Then when Ananda was about four months old, my cousin was in a commuter accident on the way to work and- at first they thought he was going to make it. But then he didn't. And that was it. He was gone."

He was very curious about several things. "Were they divorced?"

"No. They were still married."

"And did she attend his funeral?"

Shanna nodded. "Yes. She barely looked at the baby once, though. She just cried over his body like she had been there until the end or whatever." She sighed. "I know I shouldn't be angry with her since she really couldn't help the problems she had, but I kind of am angry still. She broke his heart. And he was just the best man ever, the best that ever was. The best of the best. He was just goodness, pure goodness. He was special." She wiped away a stray tear. "Sorry!" she smiled over at him. "But when his wife ran out on him, he just kept on going and took care of Ananda like he was the mother and the father. It's the reason I was able to keep her when he died, sometimes I looked after her and sometimes my mom did when he went to work. I watched her when he would have to work on a Saturday or something."

"He sounds like he was a superior example of humanity," said Siranon as he held her gaze.

She nodded. He understood. "Sounds like so was Ken."

He looked down at Henry. "I see them both in him. His hair has just begun to come in and it is the same light brown as Mila's hair."

Shanna looked closely and indeed, there were a few little sprouts of brown hair on Henry's bald head. She found herself giggling at that. "That baby hair is going to be so thin at first."

"Would you not reconsider?" Siranon whispered. "I could give you and Ananda a good life."

She sighed tiredly. "It's so tempting. But I want a real marriage, not a fake one."

He frowned. "Why are you under the impression it would not be real between us?"

She felt as if a chair had been pulled out from underneath her. "What?"

"I shall be the first to admit, when I spoke to you in my office, I was-" and he didn't want to admit it, but he knew he needed to get through to her, "I was emotionally compromised. I had been served with papers that said there was a hearing scheduled for Friday to speak on my possibly being an unfit parent for Henry. I knew of your situation since I admit I do extensive checking into everyone that works at the embassy since that is a part of my function as an information gatherer. And that day I was not at all clear with you that a marriage between us would not solely be based on the children. It would be based on us, as well. It would have to be. Being telepathically connected is simply the beginning."

"But you were telepathically connected to your last wife and she cheated on you. And I was engaged and I got cheated on and- You've admitted to me about being emotionally compromised that day, so now I have to tell you the full truth. I don't have much faith in the institution of marriage. I just don't. It never seems to turn out well."

Some part of him that he hadn't accessed in years came to the fore then as his eyes warmed over and a slight smirk appeared on his face. "I can prove you wrong."

She felt a strange lift in her stomach as she looked away from him quickly. "Are you flirting with me?" She thought the question would cause him to cut it out.

"Yes," he said quickly.

"And why would you do something so illogical?" she asked seriously as she looked back at him.

His eyes held hers even more. "Is it working?"

She didn't answer him, but her stomach was flopping left and right. "Then tell me, what happened with your first marriage?"

He had to admit, "We were somewhat compatible in the beginning. Things become unharmonious a decade ago. But out of a sense of duty and loyalty, we remained together for many more years. I suppose she found her new mate while I was here on Earth and she remained on Vulcan."

"You didn't even live together?" she asked, shocked.

"No. This is not uncommon in Vulcan marriages."

"Well if I get married, I'm not living apart from my husband, we're living together and that's that."

His eyes held hers. "I accept your terms."

"Um," she began grasping at straws then because she was going under. "You said there was a hearing on Friday. What wound up happening?"

"The judge determined that there was no cause to block the start of the adoption process. He saw that Henry was kept very well. An examiner came to look at my residence and they saw he lived in a clean, orderly home. The judge acknowledged that Henry would have the best opportunities available to him in my care. Also in my favor was the fact that both parents and both sets of grandparents are agreeable to him remaining with me. For now, things shall continue as they are. Henry will remain in my care."

"Oh, good!"

"But my lawyers did indicate that it would look better if I found a human female to be a mother figure for him. I ask, at this time, that that person be you. I will not ask you to marry me again since I have already done so twice this week. I shall restrain myself until next week at the earliest."

Shanna was close to laughing out loud, but she saw he was very serious. "I'd be very happy to be a mom to Henry. I've got Ananda already, so what the heck. I might as well have two kids instead of just one." _Wait a minute… did I just become somebodies baby mama?_ "When is the next hearing?"

"It is in 90 days."

She nodded. "Good. I'm glad everything is looking so positively for you."

He then said, "You have not yet eaten. I promised you nourishment."

"Neither one of us got a chance to eat," she smiled at him.

"Then we shall do so at this time." He walked over to an intercom. "Please bring the portable sleeping unit for Henry."

"At once, sir," answered the voice through the 'com.

Two minutes later, a white crib on wheels was being brought into the kitchen by the Betazoid nanny. Siranon placed Henry on one side of the large crib and then put his fingers to the boy's psi points for a couple of seconds. Shanna placed Ananda on the other side of the crib. Both children were out cold as the adults both sat at the table.

"What was that you did to Henry, if you don't mind my asking?" she said sheepishly.

He put his fork down. "The placing of my fingers near his temple?"

"Yes, that."

"It is what Vulcan parents do for their children when they sleep at night. It conveys…" He tried to think of it as best he could. "I do not know the proper translation. It allows the child to experience the—the goodwill of the parent toward them and it also helps order Henry's brain while he sleeps in order to facilitate the proper building blocks so that when he is a little older he is more easily able to learn how to meditate. It also aids in his obtaining a positive sleep cycle so that he awakens refreshed and not irritated."

She was both fascinated and touched that he would do such a thing for Henry. "That's amazing," she said. "I wish there was one you could do to make a kid sleep longer."

"I do not do that particular touch until later in the evening when he goes down to sleep for the night."

You could have hit Shanna in the head with a coconut and gotten less of a reaction. "What?" she asked in disbelief. "You mean you can do that?"

"Yes, of course," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

She sat there staring at him, contemplating whether she should marry and move in with him for that alone. A good night's sleep? Oh, yes, please! She turned from him then and looked down at her food. Was she so desperate to get a full night's sleep she would resort to a marriage of convenience?

They sat at the table together and began to eat, but discovered their food had grown cold while they took care of the children.

"Wouldn't be my first cold dinner," laughed Shanna.

Without her having to ask, Siranon took her plate and put it into a food warmer. "It shall only take a moment." After a couple of seconds, he returned her plate to her.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, floored by his consideration. Her ex would have never done such a thing. If anything, he would have asked her to do it for him. And she would not have minded, but after a while she realized that he never did anything like that for her. Now here is Siranon, not married or engaged to her…they were not even together, and he had reheated her food without her even asking him!

She realized then that maybe her last relationship had not been as perfect as she imagined all of this time.

##

After they had eaten dinner, the two found themselves sitting at the table, talking about their childhoods and families. "My mother departed us for good when I was thirty," Siranon relayed. "She was quite fond of Kenji and Mila and often bothered them and myself for when we would decide to produce offspring with our significant others."

"And your father?"

"He still resides on Vulcan. He was not at all surprised when the truth about she who is my former wife came out. He saw suspicious things from time to time when he would go and make social calls with her."

"What did he say about you getting custody of Henry and raising him?"

"My father is pleased. He came to Earth for a week to help with Henry when I first obtained the child. I was grateful for his assistance. Of course, now he is quite pleased that I have set my sights on a mother for the child."

Shanna was blown away by how normal it all sounded. She still was trying to wrap her mind around naughty Vulcans that cheated and Vulcan parents that nagged their kids to have children or encouraged them to remarry after a divorce. She supposed that underneath they were all the same after all.

"My mom lives at her little apartment that she loves so much!" she laughed. "She goes on vacation whenever she feels like it, which is good. Well she hasn't been able to ever since we got Ananda." She felt a little guilty about that for a couple of seconds before she continued:

"My dad passed away about five years ago. They didn't have that great a marriage. He was too pushy and she was too boisterous. That's a bad combination. Add alcohol, the real stuff not synthehol, then it's a _really_ bad combination. They separated over ten years ago when I was halfway through college. I was devastated. I mean, I saw it coming, but I was still devastated."

Siranon said, "It has been my observation that a relationship is a thing that becomes a living entity in its own right. And when that entity ceases to exist, a death, of sorts, has occurred."

She looked at him then, speechless. _And he has the nerve to be a freaking poet or something? I'm sinking. I'm sinking fast!_ He was looking deeply into her eyes as she said, "I've never been able to quite put it into words, but that's exactly how I see it, too. It doesn't matter whose relationship or what or why, when it's over, that's just sad." She looked down at the table then, not knowing what else to say. Why was she attacked with a sudden case of nerves? Her stomach was jumping and she felt slightly jittery. "I'm sorry about what happened with your wife," she said, trying to find something, anything to say to take her mind off of her nerves.

"She is no longer my wife," he almost whispered as he leaned forward. "Just as you are no longer with the male that did not appreciate what it was he possessed."

She swallowed back another wave of nervousness. Who was this man?!

He sensed she was very uncomfortable and decided to pull back a little. "Would you be interested in seeing several holo-photos of Ken and Mila and their families as well as mine back on Vulcan?"

She smiled over at him. "Yes, that would be nice."


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N - Long chapter here, again. It just kind of worked out that way. I do chapter lengths based on subject just because I'm weird that way.  
_

_I had some fun in this chapter conversation-wise at poor Shanna's expense! And I'm not sorry, haha!  
_

* * *

Five

Shanna woke up the next morning with a little smile on her face. She looked over at the crib that shared her bedroom and saw that Ananda wasn't awake or even stirring.

When she had left Siranon's home the night before, he bid her good-bye and had the limo-shuttle return her to her home. He bid her 'peace and well-deserved rest'. Mercifully, Ananda had only gotten up once in the middle of the night.

Usually she slept until the baby woke her up. Well the sun wasn't even up yet. She looked over at her chronometer. 6:15.

Shanna sat up quietly so as not to rouse the baby and tip-toed over to her crib to check on her. She saw that the child was breathing steadily and couldn't help but stand there and stare at her for a minute, look at that tiny nose and those tiny fingers. They were the parts of babies that fascinated her most, tiny noses and fingers.

She turned on the baby monitor in case the girl woke up while she was in the bathroom and then she went to catch a much needed long, hot shower in her tiny stall.

Despite how wonderfully alive she felt because of the sensation of butterflies in her stomach and her perpetual case of the grins, a part of her felt a little bit ridiculous. She knew she was becoming infatuated with Siranon. Only part of it had to do with how well he took care of Henry and how he was able to tolerate Ananda's nearly abusive ways with such ease. She giggled at the look on his face when the baby girl had grabbed the front of his hair and yanked the night before after she woke up from her nap. His hair had been disheveled for a minute before he fixed it and it just made him look so… real.

But Shanna had to admit to herself the rest of the reasons why she was infatuated with him as she looked up into the hot water spray and let the heat soak into her skin. The man knew how to turn on the charm. She never saw that side of him at the embassy. Where did he hide that aspect of himself? She remembered then, he was a Vulcan. Maybe this is what he meant when he told her that their relationship would not at all be a fake? Maybe it meant he showed one hidden face to the world, but he showed a truer face to her?

She didn't know what it meant and she was a little bit confused. She wasn't ready to decode any of this and decided to just leave it alone for the time being and enjoy her growing crush on her possible-boyfriend.

##

Siranon was not faring as well as Shanna that next morning. He was not content to simply revel in light emotions concerning her. He was very concerned in more than one way with her and her well-being. She needed to be taken care of. Her sleep deprivation was at the forefront of his mind at all times and the fact that she did not even realize she probably did not partake of meals as often as she should. He knew it was prudent to wait her out for as long as possible, but he also found himself increasingly curious about Shanna, who she was and who she could become with him.

Of course, he maintained and would continue to maintain the strictest of behavior toward the world around him and everyone else. Anything less was unacceptable.

He knew he had been very fortunate when he took custody of Henry. His clan mother did not have a problem at all with it and had also, in fact, just like his father suggested he obtain a human wife to help him raise the child. Almost immediately he began looking at all of the human females he knew. And repeatedly his mind returned to Shanna.

He knew of her predicament and tried to tell himself it was the reason he logically wished for her to join with him. It was the permission he gave himself to notice just how professionally and aesthetically pleasing she was overall. And her personality was of the sort he found more than pleasing. She was highly intelligent and always eager to learn more. No quality trait attracted a Vulcan more than someone who had a healthy sense of curiosity and continual learning.

But when he had asked her to bond with him on the grounds of the children, she had told him no. Twice. So he had gone home and done research on human modes of courtship. What he discovered both shocked and fascinated him, but he believed he was up to the task. The trick, it would seem, was discovering exactly what sort of woman Shanna was when it came to courtship rituals since there were so many to choose from.

He wished that all of those years ago he had paid better attention to how Kenji courted Mila. But he had not.

##

Shanna went to work that day and arrived five minutes earlier than she was scheduled to show up. She arrived a little early almost every day when it was possible, but had a thrill in her stomach that morning at the thought of seeing Siranon during their work day.

She went to her desk, logged onto her terminal and pulled out her PADD as she began downloading Telvin's schedule for the day.

Joe Parmer, one of her office acquaintances, stopped in his tracks, backed up and looked closely at her. "You look different," he said, not able to place exactly how.

That was because she had gone to the trouble of applying the tiniest amount of barely-there make-up, using a blow dryer on her hair instead of letting the curls dry overnight in a bun that turned it wavy and she had pulled out a new outfit from her closet that had been purchased months before and never worn. It was a navy blue pencil skirt with a snug fitting grey sweater top that matched her eyes almost precisely. "Oh, um… I'm just trying to work on my looks a little more. Sleep deprivation's no excuse to be a slouch," she said with a laugh, but it didn't come out real enough. It was obviously forced.

He smiled a little. "Somebody's in _looove_," he declared with a half grin and then walked away.

Her mouth dropped open as her eyes widened. Her mouth closed quickly as she looked around, trying to make certain no one had overheard him. No one else was around just yet, so she relaxed. "I am not!" she protested. "I'm in- like," she muttered to herself. She had to force herself to shake off the sudden paranoia that everyone looking at her would know she had an active fascination with Siranon.

There was no way they could know that easily! Joe was just the type that was very perceptive, so he knew she looked a little bit different. He wasn't even sure _how _she had looked different, so it was no big deal, she was sure of it.

She went to Telvin's office and walked inside at the usual time to deliver his schedule for the day. She learned a long time ago not to smile with him and not to greet him with 'good morning'. Her Vulcan language skills had also improved by leaps and bounds simply by being around him and interacting with the daily meetings and concerns there at the embassy, catering to his needs. She didn't mind doing that for him since he was so very old and looked to be kind of frail.

It was the reason she had taken the job. She had gone to the Vulcan study classes in her college years, the outreach effort put together by the Lady Amanda and T'Pau so many years before. It had helped her understand many things about the culture's past and present. But the one thing no one ever talked about out loud was Vulcan sexual practices. There wasn't any information _anywhere_. She had checked many a database years ago. But she also had the good sense not to ask any Vulcan about it firsthand. If these people weren't saying anything, they must be guarding some secrets or maybe they were just incredibly prudish?

Later on that day, during her break, she was highly distracted as she stood looking out of the window of the business wing of the embassy. She could see clear across the way to the main housing residence where Sarek himself and the Lady Amanda lived. Down the street even more was Diplomat Lane where Siranon lived.

Standing in the barely used portion of hallway, staring out of the window, she wondered what those secrets were that they kept about their sex lives. She highly doubted they all got together and ripped one another's clothes off in some kind of hedonistic orgy.

Shanna used to wonder if the secret was that they spawned in caves or maybe had a hatchery or something like that. No, that didn't seem right, at least not anymore. Especially with the way that Siranon had come onto her last night with his eyes and tone of voice. She wasn't convinced before, but she was now. These people definitely had sex at some point to make babies, but when was that? And if they didn't even live together sometimes, what kind of sex life could it be?

Normally she wouldn't be so darned nosy, but she was faced with a possible future with a race she only knew about from textbooks and daily polite interaction. Well there was that exchange she had gone on to Vulcan in her youth, but no one could exactly call Vulcans 'exhibitionists' about much of anything. Her face flashed hot as she recalled how she had unthinkingly declared to Siranon that if _she _ever got married she was not living apart from _her _husband. And he had been quick to agree, that would not happen between them. She lightly put a hand over her lips to stifle a giggle and then looked around herself to make certain no one had heard.

She looked back out of the window and zoned out for a few seconds. She became alert at some point that there was the presence of someone standing behind her. She knew instantly, too, that it was him. How did she know it was him?

"Hello," she said in a low tone. She didn't even bother turning around. The corridor was kind of isolated, but she didn't want to risk giving him some kind of silly doe-eyed look where someone could see her.

"I've been searching for you," said his voice in that way that he spoke to her just the night before. "I wished to see you."

She felt a serious blush break through on her face as gooseflesh rose all over her. She got herself together in a second and then turned to look up at him. "Was there something you wanted?" she tried to ask as neutrally as possible.

His eyes looked down into hers. He knew he could take advantage of how that question was phrased, but decided not to. "I simply wished to see you for a moment or two and make certain you were well rested."

"I'm okay today. She only got up once in the middle of the night, so I was able to get a few hours of real sleep in. I actually woke up before the baby, this morning, too."

He sighed in relief. "Mysteriously, so did I," he admitted. The truth was he had awakened early with a plan in his mind of exactly what it was he would have to do in regards to her. "Would you allow me to come to your residence sometime this week so that we may spend some time together?"

"With the children," she clarified.

"Yes, of course," he agreed. "But I wish to spend time with you, as well," he gave his own clarification.

She felt sweat break out on her back, then. The butterflies in her stomach were racing with one another, back and forth, and she found herself unable to suppress a grin she knew probably looked pretty silly. "What did you have in mind?" she asked.

"Simply a night in with the children as a family," he said.

She noticed then how still, almost rigid, he was standing. And that gave her too much information. It was amazing, working around Vulcans, the little things you realized that others never picked up on. For instance, was this man standing so still like this because he was two seconds from doing something impulsive like grabbing her? Would he even be inclined to do something like that?

She couldn't go on with such a vacuum of information like this. There were things she needed to know before she made up her mind. Was he attracted to her physically or did he just want to meld the hell out of her? Maybe that was how they had sex? Complicated mind melds? But then, how did they actually reproduce? Was that a different act? "Siranon, I need to talk to you about something personal. Something possibly… um… taboo. It's something I need to know before I make up my mind about…us, I guess."

He stood back from her a little, thrown off by that. "At this time?"

"No, my break is going to be over soon. But later today or-"

"I shall request a document from Telvin at 1500 hours. I shall ask that he send you with it. I shall tell him that I must read it first and then send back an answer and then return it to you to return to him. I will request that you wait with me during that hour. Shall an hour be sufficient?"

She hadn't expected him to be so eager to answer questions she had, even after she had used the word 'taboo' and that of course shifted her perception of him even more. She pulled out her PADD and looked at Telvin's schedule. It was just something for her to do so she could collect her thoughts and get her nerves together.

"You are already aware of Telvin's schedule for the day," he declared, not wanting her to retreat behind any form of subterfuge with him.

"How do you know that?"

"You have what humans refer to as a photographic memory."

Her eyes widened. "Did you read my background file or something?"

"Yes."

She was openly astounded. "Well pardon me, sir!" she whispered so no one else could hear her. "Now that you've read my file, I demand you let me read yours."

"It shall be in your possession when I arrive with Henry this week at your residence."

She was blown away yet again. She swallowed back anxiety. On second thought, maybe their little talk could wait?

"I shall see you at 1500 hours in the embassy gardens," he concluded, sensing she was close to backing out. He would not let her.

"Your office-"

"I do not wish to speak with you in the confines of my office. I wish to do so outside where there will be no others present. I suspect this conversation will be confidential in many ways."

Shanna knew that that was true. In his office there was always the possibility of someone just walking in with whatever point of discussion that needed milling over in order to send over to Ambassador Sarek's as soon as possible. She nodded quickly. "I have a lot of questions."

"I shall answer them to the best of my abilities." His eyes lingered for a few seconds on her hair and cheekbones, every plane and soft curve of her face and lastly held her eyes for a short time. "Until then," he said abruptly and then forced himself to depart with haste.

She watched him walk away and was still in shock at these weird half flirty conversations between them. She knew if any of her old friends knew, they would laugh for days. Well so what? She liked him.

She looked back out at the window. She liked him, had a crush on him, was infatuated with him, whatever you wanted to call it! But was she settling? She thought of the way those eyes looked into hers. No, she wasn't settling. This guy made her stomach jump just at the thought of him!

##

Siranon was waiting at the appropriate time and place in the gardens off to the side of the embassy. He refrained from doing something like pacing back and forth. Vulcans did not pace. But he was very anxious. What they discussed on that day, he had an instinct, could dictate what did or not happen between them in the future.

He turned then and saw her approaching his position. He had noted the differences in her appearance earlier that day. Her hair was styled differently and she wore a light amount of cosmetics. He was appreciative of the fact that she did not wear too many when she did apply them. In his opinion, too much of a thing that was supposed to enhance beauty could actually remove it.

He stood up from where he sat waiting and found himself searching for whatever expression played out on her face. It was too easy to read her, he knew. He held an unfair advantage over her. He had spent many years, nearly 35, among humans and knew them well. She had not had as much time among Vulcans. He planned to use his advantage to build the family he wanted and there was no regret or guilt within him for that. It would be illogical not to press ones advantage at all times!

Siranon realized that she was very nervous. He wanted to reach out and touch his fingers to hers to reassure her, but he kept his hands at his sides as she reached his position.

"Hello," she said nervously as she handed him the travel-PADD with the document on it.

"Sit with me, please," he requested.

The two sat down next to one another as he called up the requested document and read through it. He was done within five minutes and then he drafted a response within another five minutes. "Now that that is dispensed with," he said as he looked at her, "what questions of yours may I answer at this time?"

She swallowed nervously as she took the PADD back from him. She looked around herself carefully to make certain no one was hiding in the bushes or something crazy like that. She took a moment to collect herself and then looked directly at him. "Siranon, I think I'm about to step on some boundaries here but I need you to understand that I'm not trying to offend you and—I just need to know some things before I make up my mind about you and I like, dating or whatever this is going on with us."

He nodded. "Proceed."

The lack of expression on his face was maddening! But she plodded on. "How do Vulcans-" She almost had an anxiety attack as she looked up into his face. She looked away from his eyes and took a deep breath in and then out. She decided to come at the problem sideways instead of head-on. "You said that you were arranged? From when you were little you were arranged with a wife and that that's pretty standard practice. So, what about those Vulcans that aren't arranged, like maybe their spouse died or they aren't married anymore for whatever reason; do they stay single, do they get married again? I know they 'can', but do they, generally?"

Now he was the one who was beginning to feel cautious about where this conversation was going. "Some remain single, some remarry." He did not tell her that the males almost always remarried. It was the females who had much more freedom in that respect. That was not a conversation he was ready to have with her at this time. She would definitely flee.

She nodded. "Okay. That tells me something. So then, how do they find another wife or husband or whatever?"

He relaxed a little. "Usually, they will see someone they wish to marry and ask them or they will have their family find someone for them and then remarry."

"I'm confused again. If they see someone they want to marry, how do they know they want to marry them? I mean, I don't imagine you guys are the 'across a crowded room' types."

"We know via telepathic compatibility." (He put in a mental note to himself to research the expression 'across a crowded room'.)

Now she was very confused! "How do you know that? I mean… is that- How?"

He saw she was very confused and said, "When we meet one we are compatible with there is-" he sought for an appropriate term, "a telepathic convergence. That is the best way I can express it. It is difficult putting telepathic things into verbal modes of communication."

She realized then that there was an entire level here she was never going to understand unless she experienced it firsthand. "I'm not telepathic, though, so how do you know if you're compatible with me?"

"I am aware."

She was taken aback. "Did you do something to check?"

"Yes."

She sat there and waited for him to explain, but he wasn't talking. "Okay. So what did you do?"

"I assessed our compatibility."

She had a feeling she was being led around in circles. "How did you do that?"

He seemed to be thinking hard about how to express it verbally. "I—I lowered my mental shields and allowed my mind to briefly brush yours... only your outer layer, nothing intrusive. I saw nothing extra."

Her eyes widened. That sounded scandalous! "Well what did you find out?"

He simply held her eyes long and hard for about five seconds. "We are compatible," he said almost slowly.

She looked away. "Oh." She forced her mind back to the questions at hand. "So do Vulcans, um, reproduce the same as like humans or whatever… you know, physically?" she quickly said.

"Pardon me?"

She wanted to punch him. He knew exactly what she was asking! Was he going to make her come out and say it!? "Well I know your women get pregnant, but how does that happen? I mean do you spawn in caves first or swim upstream or swing from chandeliers? There's no information on what you guys do!" she said, obviously exasperated.

He was still hung up on swinging from a chandelier. How would one efficiently reproduce while hanging from a chandelier? He supposed that technically such a position was possible, but he did not understand why the recipients would put themselves through it. But now his curiosity was piqued and he had to ask, "Why would one swing from a chandelier during procreation?"

She went from annoyance to needing to hold in deep intense laughter at the innocence of that question. "I don't know, but there are some real freaks out there when it comes to gettin' down."

"Getting down? Down where?"

"Forget I said that!" she was laughing at that point and some of her tension was gone. "I just- Do you guys have sexual relations physically or is it all mental?" she finally blurted out.

He realized what it was she wanted to know then. "Ah, yes! The mechanics of reproduction and biology. Yes, we do in fact engage in physical sexual relations. However, it is also intertwined with our telepathic faculties."

"Ooooh." She sat there and thought about that for a few seconds. "I guess I'd have to see for myself what that-" she realized she was thinking aloud and looked at him. "I wasn't offering! I mean, I didn't mean to_ say_ that out loud and-"

"We could marry at this time and I could easily assuage your curiosity firsthand."

"Oh Lord, help!" she exclaimed as she covered her eyes with a hand. That answered a whole different question she had. "Why the heck isn't this embarrassing to you?"

"If you were anyone else," he said, though she was still covering her eyes, "I would never have answered your questions. But since we shall marry-"

"About that!" she said. "You can't just _tell_ a woman you're going to marry her. That's seriously stalkerish! You have to date her and woo her and give her romance first and _then_ ask her."

"I am prepared to do those things."

Wow.

He continued since she was no longer speaking. "We shall date according to your customs. That is what you wish, is it not?"

"Yes," she nodded, happy then that he was willing to do so. She blinked several times. "You know, I wouldn't ordinarily have this conversation at work but with the kids, I didn't think it was right to talk about this stuff when they're around."

"You are correct, of course."

She sighed tiredly and went to stand and go back to her office, glad that this talking session had answered the things she felt she needed to know before going forward with anything concerning him.

"You forgot to ask a key question," he said to her retreating back.

She turned back around. "That would be?"

He slowly walked up to her, allowed his eyes to grab hers, held them, hard. "You did not ask if I had a physical desire for you. I sensed you wished to do so, but you did not ask."

She was trapped in quicksand. She couldn't move and she couldn't look away. _OH MY-!_

"Ask me," he said in a low, compelling voice. "Ask me when you are ready and I shall tell you."

"You don't play fair!" she exclaimed and then she turned and fled his presence.

He watched her walk rapidly back into the building. "No, my future wife, I do not." He was quite serious.

##

Shanna returned the document back to Telvin. "You are early," the older man exclaimed.

"I guess he didn't need that long, after all," she said. "Pardon me. I'll be back soon."

She went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. How the heck was she going to think straight about him now?

She looked up at her face in the mirror, wet with cold water. "You are in so much trouble. This is turning into a train you can't outrun!" Shanna stood in the bathroom trying not to start laughing hysterically. How in the world did she know that at some point a Vulcan, a _sexy_ Vulcan, would start pursuing her kind of hard? "This is turning into the strangest year of my _life_," she said to her reflection. And then she was laughing.


	6. Chapter 6

Six

"So I was calling to ask if you could come over or something and hang out with me and-"

Her friend, Lisa Imperioli, was openly laughing at her. "Oh, you're SO in trouble!"

"How do you know?" asked Shanna, trying to act as if she were not.

"Who are you kidding?" she asked, still laughing. "Are you in some kind of kerfuffle?"

Shanna looked at her over the viewscreen and squelched the urge to lie. "Yes."

"I could tell from that look on your face!" Lisa was about to say something else when her toddler ran up to her covered in cookies and chocolate while hopping around full of hyperactivity. To boot, he was completely naked. "How did you get into the cookies?" she exclaimed. "And where are your clothes?!" The toddler laughed wickedly and then took off. "I'll be there in about three hours!" Lisa said rapidly as she stood up. "I have to clean Gino and dress him first and then _kill my_ _husband_!" she yelled in her husband's general direction. "Then I have to send out that delivery to that customer on Mars Colony. See you soon!"

The line went dead as Shanna laughed at her friend's predicament with her toddler. Then she turned and saw that Ananda, while sitting in her crib, had reached through the bars and gotten her hands on baby lotion, opened it and then dumped it out into her crib. She had dug into the lotion after that and smeared her little head with it. "That's what I get for laughing at Aunt Lisa, right?" Shanna smiled while standing to cross the room to the baby.

She picked the baby up and wiped the lotion off of her head, then put her into a bath to clean her thoroughly. After that, she cleaned her crib, gave her a bottle and got her ready for bed. Just as Ananda dropped off to sleep and she put her down to sleep, there was the ring of her bell. She left the bedroom and closed the door as she looked at the wall clock. It had only been two hours since she'd gotten off of the line with Lisa so she knew it was too soon for her to be here.

She opened the door a small crack to see a delivery man there with a huge bouquet of flowers. "Shanna Brown-Castillo?" he asked casually.

"Yes, that's me."

"Sign here, please."

She opened the door further to sign his delivery PADD, then took the flowers into her house and closed the door. As she unwrapped the bouquet she could see that it was an abundance of purple tulips with delicate accents of greenery. They were beautiful! She wondered who had sent them and immediately pulled the card out of the top to read it:

_To express my esteem,_

_ Siranon_

Her knees went slightly weak when she saw the card was signed by hand. She sat down on her tiny couch first and then had to lie down. This guy did _not_ play fair!

##

Lisa showed up forty minutes later without Gino. "Where's the baby?" asked Shanna.

"I left him with his dad. It was Sal's form of apology for letting him get into the chocolate cookies in the first place. He's good with getting him to sleep, so I was out of the door pretty fast when he offered!" she laughed. "All right, now what the heck is going on in your life that you look like a canary being chased by a cat right now?" Then her eyes were drawn by the flowers in the vase. "Those are gorgeous!" she said as she rushed over to them.

"They just showed up tonight."

Lisa looked at Shanna and then back at the flowers and her face spread into a knowing grin as she looked at her friend again. "Ooh, I see! Some guy is chasing you, that's your trouble!"

Shanna sighed as her stomach jumped. "I've got butterflies in my stomach! And after those flowers showed up, the butterflies I already had in there gave birth to more butterflies and they're all in there right now having a party at my expense."

Lisa grinned as she held up a bag of goodies. "Well this fixes everything!" she declared. "Come on. Let's get zonked on cake and coffee."

They prepared coffee while Shanna sighed and said, "Okay, so don't judge me."

"Why the hell would I judge you?" asked Lisa.

"See, the way it all started, he kind of wants to marry me-"

"Marry you? He works fast! When did this happen?"

"Last week."

"Well what did you say?"

"I said 'this is too sudden, we're not even dating'."

"Okay, so your answer was 'no'. So what now? He's deluging you with stuff?"

"Well, no. I mean, we had a play date with our kids at the park that Saturday and then I went to his house yesterday and we took care of the kids together-"

"Kids? Play dates? He's got a kid? Hmmm, single dad. Sorry I interrupted, continue."

"Well anyway, so he told me he still wants to get married and he's willing to date me or whatever and-"

"So what's the problem? Besides the fact that it's creepy some guy wants to marry you and hasn't even dated you yet."

"Well see, he's not human, so it's not the same for us as it is for him."

"Okay, so now you're adding in info you didn't give me from the start. You have to tell a girl the whole story! What is he? Andorian or something? I heard they work fast. Is he a Bolian?" She lifted her cup and began to sip.

"Vulcan."

Lisa spit her coffee out and onto the table in a wide splattering stream as she began to choke. "You can't do that with no warning while I'm swallowing something!" she exclaimed while still halfway choking.

Shanna was in a panic, telling her, "Put your arms up in the air if you're choking! It'll clear your air passages."

"A_ Vulcan_ sent you flowers?" she pushed past the choking instinct, astounded, and then finished up her hacking cough.

She pulled out the card he'd sent with the flowers.

Lisa took it as Shanna began to clean the table up from her semi-accident. Her eyes widened and her mouth spread into a grin. "Oh, my." She stared at the card some more. "Oh,_ my_!" she expressed again, excited. "This guy is serious. He probably researched what he was supposed to do to woo you and then he actually went and did it which means he really means business! Maybe you should marry him!" she joked.

"Okay, when you thought he was human you thought he was creepy."

"But he's not human. And he sent you flowers! You know, I have to nag Sal to send me flowers! And he's got a kid?"

"His business partners died and they left behind their baby and he's in the middle of adopting him right now."

Lisa sat there as the wheels in her head began to turn and she was finally serious. "Does Ananda like him?"

"Yes, and she actually listens to him."

Lisa shook her head. "All jokes aside, whatever you decide to do, I totally support you, you know that, right?"

Shanna shook her head. "Lisa. The only friend of mine who stuck around after the baby showed up."

Lisa grinned at her. "Shanna. The only friend of mine who stuck around when I had my baby. We're girls, right?"

"Yes, we are."

"So, um… you gonna let me be your maid of honor?" Lisa asked, a huge smile forming on her face.

Shanna gave her the 'look of warning' as Lisa laughed out loud.

##

Early the next morning, Siranon was pleasantly surprised to see Shanna walking into his office. "Yes, Shanna?" he asked her, all business.

"I wanted to give you a sincere thank you for answering my questions yesterday. And I wanted to thank you for the flowers."

He nodded. "Were they to your satisfaction?"

She found herself suppressing a huge grin. "They were."

"Then I am also pleased."

She smiled at him one last time and then turned to leave. It took all of his strength to watch her leave his office, but he knew that he shouldn't pursue her too hard. It seemed his Shanna was the type that didn't do well under that kind of pressure. She was the sort that needed time and space to think about decisions. And he would give her that time and space. He would wait for her to take a step toward him before he moved toward her again.

The day progressed and Siranon returned home. As soon as he walked through the doorway, he went straight for Henry's nursery. He cleaned himself up quickly in the bathroom adjoining the large room and then walked inside to find the Betazoid nanny with him. "He is well today?" he asked.

The nanny handed him over. "He is."

As soon as Siranon picked him up, Henry gave him a large smile. He went and sat down on a chair with the child and found himself staring down at him. He did that often, simply stared at the child, at his spastic moves, his smiles, listened to his coos. It was not logical in the least, but at the end of each day when he held Henry, he felt the concerns of the day begin to leave him. "Has he eaten, recently?" he asked the nanny as she left.

"An hour ago was the last time he did so," she said and then left the room.

He looked down at the child again and began to engage him in conversation. "How was your day, Henry?" he asked.

The baby flapped his arms happily and started to kick his legs. Siranon placed his fingertips to the boy's head and communed with him that way. The child squealed with delight after a short time.

Satisfied that he had conveyed what he could, Siranon stood and walked the floor with the child. He sang another verse of Vulcan's history to him, just as he did every day around that time, just as his father had done when he was that age. A call came through on the com then. "I know you said you did not wish to be disturbed, but sir, you have a call from Miss Brown-Castillo."

"Yes, of course. Put it through to the nursery at once," he said as he walked to the wall and watched the screen descend. Shanna's face appeared on-screen and he found himself very pleased at the sight of her. "This is quite a positive surprise," he remarked as he maneuvered Henry into a football hold that faced the screen. "Henry is also present."

"Hi, baby!" she greeted him with a huge grin.

Henry huffed happily and tried to smack at the screen.

"Oh, you've been around Ananda too long!" joked Shanna.

"He has not been around her enough," protested Siranon.

"So what are you saying?" Shanna smiled at him over the line.

"Are you available this Friday?" he asked.

"I'm going to my friend's house to watch movies. Kid friendly movies since she has a toddler and I have Ananda, but it's a movie night."

"May I ask about Saturday?" he asked.

She smiled widely. "I have nothing planned."

"And Thursday?"

She grinned even wider. "Nothing planned there, either."

"May I visit your premises Thursday evening, with Henry, and spend time with you and Ananda?"

Her grin split into a full smile then. "All right. That's fine."

"And Saturday, may I have the honor or your presence in my home once again?"

She exhaled nervously. "Yes, I can do that."

"Will you allow Ananda to be with the nannies and Henry so that perhaps you and I may spend some time together outside of work?"

You could see the play of emotions across her face. Uncertainty, fear, anticipation. It was a strain for her to agree, he could see, but she forced out, "Yes."

He felt the deep bloom of satisfaction in his chest budding and then spreading through his system. "I am very pleased," he nearly whispered.

Henry chose that time to spit up. It was traveling in a stream down Siranon's arm. Shanna laughed out loud. "I'll let you go. Henry's got you again."

He moved his arms so that he could look down at the infant. "Yes, he has," he said as he looked at the spit-up running down his hand. "I shall see you at work tomorrow."

"See you then."

The screen deactivated and ascended as Siranon asked the child, "You could not wait until I was done?"

The baby cooed as he tried to push the last of the offending spit-up out of his mouth with his wiggly little tongue. Siranon went and washed up himself and Henry before giving him a bottle, changing him and putting him to bed.

##

The week progressed not quickly enough for either one of them though for differing reasons neither one would ever admit that.

Siranon came to her little apartment that Thursday night, as promised. They spent time together, in his mind, as a family. When it was almost time for them to leave, Henry began to become a little bit fussy. Shanna took the infant, sat in her rocking chair and began to rock him. The baby seemed to like being held close to her as she and Siranon continued to talk and he began to quiet down. Siranon had already watched as she put Ananda to bed and he was in deep approval of how motherly she seemed with both children though they were not biologically her own.

As she rocked Henry back and forth, the boy's eyes began to droop after a short time.

"That is very effective," he noticed.

She smiled happily. "That's why I have the chair," she said in a low steady voice. "They like it a lot."

"When you come to live with me, you shall have to bring it."

She wasn't angry with him for it that time, she only smiled over at him. "Nice try, sneaking it in there so casually."

"It is my duty to try," he said truthfully. "And it is not correct for you to deny Henry a mother."

She began to laugh a little at this new tactic. "Are you actually trying to guilt me?"

"I am aware, my tactic is incorrect. I should speak plainly and truthfully."

She slowed down her rocking since Henry seemed to be out cold already. "Truthfully?"

He said nothing for a couple of seconds. "I am in need of you," he finally said.

At that point, the butterflies in Shanna's stomach that had relaxed and finally gone to bed woke up and began to jump around again. She found herself terribly flustered. She took Henry off of her shoulder and simply held him in one arm as she smiled down at his face. "I could get used to seeing this little angel every day," she admitted. "My goodness, but he's just beautiful."

Siranon saw the way she looked at Henry and there was no doubt in his mind that she needed to bond with him and cement their family unit as soon as possible. "It would be advantageous," he said, "to unify things between us while the children are still young enough to have no memory of us ever not having been together."

She looked at him then and actually heard what he said and meant. "I'm willing to admit that you might be right."

His insides were ringing by then. "We are adults, are we not?"

"Yes, we are."

"And these children are in need of a complete family."

"Yes, they are."

"And I am in deep need of a wife."

She paused for a second. "Are we actually talking about doing this?"

"I believe we are."

She was shaking her head then and rocking Henry gently. "We've only been together a whole week."

"These are extenuating circumstances." His insides thrilled at something she had said, however. "You are willing to acknowledge, we are 'together'?"

She sighed nervously. "Yes, we're together."

"Shall I buy you a ring this week or next?"

She almost laughed out loud but kept herself from doing so. "Siranon!" she hissed with half a grin.

##

Shanna had difficulty sleeping that night after Siranon left. It took hours for her to fall asleep. And even then, in her dreams, that moment of the two of them standing outside the embassy, him looking into her eyes, holding them hard, what he had said kept replaying in her mind over and over:

_"You did not ask if I had a physical desire for you." That feeling of being unable to move, not wanting to let go of that look in his eyes. The look he had for her. "Ask me and I shall tell you…" And a deep, intense feeling washed over her like rain washing onto hot streets…_

She got up the next day and went to work on two hours sleep. For once, it wasn't because of Ananda. As a result, she spent all of Friday in a haze.

Should she or shouldn't she? Because at the rate things were going, Siranon was about to talk her into walking down the aisle as fast as possible. Her poor stomach couldn't take much more. Why was she so afraid of this? She knew it wasn't _him_, per se. She knew he was intelligent and sensitive.

And since he had seen her file and found out so many things about her, she had demanded –and gotten—his file. There was nothing suspicious in it, nothing to indicate he was some kind of interstellar axe murderer or something crazy like that. There was a pattern she noticed, but she hadn't had enough time to really think about it. She was going on almost no sleep, but there was one thing strange that stuck out to her in his files. He never went on vacation or took any time for himself. But she noticed a pattern of him taking a vacation approximately once every seven years. Why would he wait so long in between each vacation? That pattern was about to repeat in about a year. Maybe they should get married then since he seemed to take his vacation about then, anyway?

She said to herself, if they actually did get married in the future, she sure as hell needed to go on vacation more than once every seven years!

She went to Lisa's house that night and at least half the night she was able to not think about the situation. But that came to screeching halt when Lisa asked, "How's your Vulcan doing?"

She sighed, tired and a little bit out of sorts. "He still wants to marry me."

"And that scares you to death."

"Yes, it does."

Lisa shook her head. "Willem did a job on you."

"Yes, I think he might have done more damage than I realized." She looked at her friend. "I have got some major trust issues."

"Realizing you have the issue is the first step to fixing it."

"That's true. Well what comes next?"

"You acknowledge it out loud to your Siranon, tell him what's going on so he doesn't think it's him. I mean, you guys are going to have to compromise anyway. Vulcans get married fast, humans on this side of the planet don't. I mean, in his world… what, a week you guys been together?"

"Yes, a week."

"In his head, that might be_ eons_ already!" she joked.

They both laughed about it for a second and she admitted, "I never even thought about it like that."

"Remember when we were younger in our Vulcan studies course?"

"Yes, I remember."

"That couple, the Vulcan teachers? They met each other and the next thing we knew, bang! Bonded within forty-eight hours. We didn't see them for like a whole week and everything after that!"

"It was mad scandalous, but the Vulcans tried to act like it wasn't," Shanna laughed. She sobered as she thought about it some more. "If you can read each others' minds that's got to take away a lot of guess work," Shanna supposed. She looked at the clock. "I should go home and get Ananda into bed."

"Yeah, Gino's wilting over there," she said as she looked over at the couch. Her toddler was hanging one half of his body off and one half on the furniture as he fell asleep.

"Good night."

"Remember, talk to him about your trust issues, okay? In relationships, communication is key."

"Ay, Lisa!" Sal called her from the next room.

"Ay, shut up, I'm talking out here!" she yelled back.

##

Shanna had yet another sleepless night. Her mother had gone on a mini-vacation that began Friday night and she would be back by Sunday evening. She was glad her mother had started to resume her vacations. But truthfully, she knew it wasn't fair that her mother had to watch Ananda every single day while she went to work. She should be able to go on vacation whenever she felt like going. She should be able to sleep in during the week, a woman her age that had worked all of her life and raised a child of her own already.

She realized it was yet another reason she should add to the list of why she should marry Siranon. But she knew it was simply not enough. She had to first love, and more importantly, trust him. And she didn't know him well enough to do either just yet. Or was she so messed up from the past, she was going to have a hard time doing so?

* * *

_A/N - One more chapter before the difficulties of life come for them all...  
_

_I still haven't quite decided where I'm going with this narrative, but now that it's started I have to see it to completion. I also think Sarek/Amanda and several other canon characters will be marching through this tale at some point..._


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N - Warning. Another long chapter._

_Special thanks to the Vulcan Language Dictionary for the term 'ashal-veh'. Translation: 'Darling'._

_Also, special thanks to VickyFromGreece and her review to chapter 4 of this story that was partway the inspiration for this chapter! It was an LOL moment until I really sat there and thought about it and realized she was RIGHT, haha! Vicky, you're the best!_

* * *

Seven

As soon as they arrived at his home on Saturday late afternoon, Siranon took Ananda and Shanna crossed over to the nanny and took Henry. Both babies were pleased to see their other foster parent, as it was starting to look to them, and the couple went straight to the play room with the children. Shanna didn't notice the grins on the nannies faces as they watched the two of them walking away with the children.

Once they arrived in the play room, Siranon put her down on the ground and Ananda went on a new assault on the overstuffed bear from last time as Henry enjoyed himself on the little swing Shanna put him into. She set the dial and enjoyed the vocalizations of happiness the baby made on the swing.

The couple sat down and watched the children for a few minutes.

"You look excessively tired, _ashal-veh_," he remarked to her with all seriousness after a short time.

Her insides melted. She knew exactly what he had just called her. She realized it was because they were alone with the children. He would never say such a thing in public. And she realized that that didn't bother her in the least. "I haven't been sleeping well at all," she admitted.

He moved to sit directly next to her. The fingers of one of his hands began to steadily knead the muscles of her neck expertly. She groaned in appreciation and leaned back into the sensation. "You are very tense," he realized as he began to pay even closer attention to her neck and shoulders this time with both of his hands.

Shanna kept a close eye on both children as he worked on loosening the knots in her neck and back.

"If you continue without proper sleep, you may become very ill," he said, deeply concerned.

She turned and looked at him, wanted to see his face. And she saw it there, in his eyes. He meant it. She could also feel his concern. She knew he was a touch telepath and knew that something about his hands touching her skin conveyed that emotion to her.

She looked away from quickly, but already it was too late. That was the moment it began to happen. She realized she was already falling in love. She was slightly alarmed with herself and felt helpless against the current carrying her downstream. She was headed for a waterfall of deep emotion. There was still time to stop herself, get to shore. _Why should I?_

She was worried. Could he tell? He probably could and was just being polite by not mentioning it.

"Please, I ask that you allow me to deposit the children with the nannies," Siranon was all but begging. "They are capable. I wish for you to sleep at this time." His concern was crowding out any information he could have received from her.

She sighed. Sleep did sound wonderful. She looked back into his eyes and truly felt guilty. She was squeezing palpable emotion out of him just by being sleep deprived. "All right," she relented.

He stood, went to the intercom and called the nannies to come and remain with the children. Within no time, the Betazoid nanny was there. She was on the young side with large dark eyes and a deep, warm smile. She could sense Shanna's fears. "Don't worry, Miss Brown-Castillo. I'll take good care of little Miss Brown."

Shanna felt an immediate liking for the woman. "Thank you so much. What's your name?"

"Reianna."

"Thank you, Reianna."

"And here is Miss Tyler!" said Reianna.

The human nanny walked in then, an older woman with grey hair and a lively smile. "I've been wanting to get my hands on that cute little girl!" she exclaimed.

Siranon didn't understand the laughter that came out of all three women at that expression. "Shanna has not slept properly in days," he saw the need to inform them. "Perhaps even weeks."

"Months," Shanna said on a nod with half a laugh.

"Oh, please, do get some sleep," said Reianna. "I can also sense your deep exhaustion."

"We'll take good care of both of them!" promised Miss Tyler.

"Ananda's bag is right there," Shanna pointed at the baby bag she had brought with her with formula, extra clothing and recyclable diapers.

"We'll take care of everything," said Reianna. "Don't you worry. Get some sleep."

##

Shanna followed Siranon out of the nursery and to the right. They went up a flight of stairs and turned left.

They entered a door and inside was plush carpeting and a huge bed. She didn't even notice anything else in the room, she just had tunnel vision for that bed and went straight for it. She pulled back the fluffy down comforter and got straight in. "Oh!" she groaned as her head hit the pillow. It was the perfect combination of a firm mattress with soft pillows and a warm comforter. "Is this heaven?" she whispered rhetorically as already her eyes began to droop.

"No. It is my bedroom," said Siranon as he got into the other side of the bed with her.

She sat up quickly. "Did you trick me into your bed?"

"I assure you, my intentions are wholly honorable. You are in very intense need of sleep. I shall remain with you to make certain you receive it."

She couldn't believe the course of events as he made her lie back down and he pulled the comforter over her. She looked up at him, so very tired, halfway delirious in fact, and found herself whispering up at him, "I like your bed. It's nice."

He lay next to her and whispered, "I quite enjoy the sight of you in my bed. However, I promise I shall not touch you. You must sleep at this time."

"Okay," was all she remembered saying in her near delirium and then she closed her eyes.

##

Shanna awoke sometime later. She had no sense, at first, of where she was. All she knew was the bed was wonderful as she sighed and stretched contentedly. She was ready to roll over and go back to sleep but then the thought popped into her mind, and she sat up quickly on a gasp, "Ananda!"

"She is well," said Siranon. He had been sitting up in bed working on a PADD. He had her lie back down again.

"How long was I sleeping?"

"Only four hours," he said. "You are in need of much more rest than that."

She wondered if she should go home, but the bed felt so good! "I don't want to intrude," she realized as she went to get up.

"You do me honor," he said, "by allowing me to see to your care. Would you like to take a shower at this time, perhaps have nourishment before you take further rest?"

She felt like a deer in headlights. She was way out of her element and confused. What was she supposed to do now? "I should look in on Ananda."

"That is correct, we shall both see to the children tonight before they go to sleep. But I wish for you to nourish yourself and sleep some more. Do you promise you will do this?" he asked.

She could feel something extra there, coming from him. And it was true concern. He had promised before he would not touch her. He meant it. He was honestly worried for her. She was glad. She knew due to the vulnerable position she was in, all sleep and affection deprived, she would most likely give in. And she might not even regret it, afterward. "Shower. Food. Babies. Sleep."

"In that order?" he asked, amused.

"In that order."

He brought her into his own private shower attached to his room and left her a set of robes to wear for afterward. There was a regular tub on one side of the room and a shower stall on the other side. When she opened the door to the shower stall, she saw that it was a very clean, well-tiled sand colored large shower with two spigots on opposite sides of the wall. "I will leave you to it," he said and then exited, leaving her alone in the room with the shower stall you could fit four people in.

She started up the shower and found herself awash in luxury as she stood in the hot water from the double spray coming from two sides and relaxed. She made certain to soak her tensed out neck and shoulders as well as she could before soaping up and getting out.

She emerged from his bathroom over twenty minutes later looking very clean and relaxed, wearing the robes he had given her. He could not squelch the feeling of satisfaction at watching her wear not only the clothing of his planet, but his clothing in particular. "Come, you must eat now."

She didn't protest. She followed him down to the kitchen and let him prepare her a plate. She ate with him and halfway through her meal could not believe the overwhelming tiredness trying to get her to fall asleep right there at the table. "Oh wow," she remarked as a wave of dizziness took her.

"Shanna?" he asked, slightly alarmed.

"I'm just really tired, that's all," she said with half a smile. "I'll be all right. I've been more tired than this and made it."

"That should not be allowable."

She sighed as she looked at him. "My own personal knight," she remarked with a little grin. "I can't eat anymore. I'm just exhausted. I didn't realize how tired I was."

"Come, let us see to the children at this time."

Shanna followed him to another part of the house she had never been in. The babies were being bathed by the nannies and she finally met the Vulcan nanny, an older woman named T'Lera with perceptive eyes and graying hair.

"We have come to see the children before Shanna receives more rest."

"I can tell you haven't slept enough," remarked Reianna.

"I woke up worried about Ananda. I'm so tired, I couldn't even remember where I was for a second," she admitted.

"She shall sleep now," said Siranon.

Shanna looked down at the babies and found herself smiling at their delight at splashing in the water. She kissed them both on the forehead and then followed Siranon back through the cavernous house and into his bedroom. She climbed back up into the huge bed, lay down and went right back into a deep sleep once again.

##

She awoke once in the middle of the night for all of five seconds. Her eyes opened and she could see Siranon sitting on the floor in meditation robes, a cone of incense burning in a corner on a stand. Her eyes slipped closed again and she fell back to sleep.

When she sat up on Sunday morning, she could see the sun streaming into her bedroom. _Correction_, she thought to herself, _his bedroom._ She lay there for a couple of seconds and then turned over. Siranon was gone, probably off attending to the babies. She sat up and saw her clothing from the day before had been washed and folded, put neatly onto a chair in his room.

She took another long hot shower and then got herself dressed and went looking for the nursery. Her magical instant map brain helped her to find it on her own. As she walked in, she could see that Siranon was in the process of interacting with the children. She suppressed a grin as she saw him lying full on the carpeted ground, eyes closed, as Ananda sat at his head and smacked up his face while giggling and drooling on him. Henry lay on his tummy on the ground next to one of Siranon's arms. Henry had a vice grip on that arm and was seriously gumming at the exposed elbow.

"How does he take such abuse?" Shanna wondered aloud.

Both babies startled and looked up at her as Siranon carefully sat up so as not to send any infants flying. Ananda used his newly elevated shoulder to pull herself up and try to walk to Shanna, but Henry couldn't move just yet. He simply screamed with a huge grin on his face in order to get her attention.

Shanna walked into the room fully and sat on the floor near them all, pulled Ananda into one arm and Henry into the other.

"You should not yet be out of bed," he chastised her.

"That's the most sleep I've gotten at one time in-" she thought about it, "months." Henry was actually rooting around for her breast then. "Mama's got no milk in there, kid!" she joked rapidly and then laughed. But it didn't stop him from searching. "He's hungry," she said.

"Yes, he is," said Siranon. He stood and went to the intercom. "We shall be bringing the children down for nourishment."

"Yes, sir," answered a voice Shanna was starting in her mind to refer to as 'intercom man'.

Both adults stood, but Siranon took Ananda while Shanna kept Henry.

##

They fed the babies, burped them and then let the nannies take them upstairs. She saw that he had a strange 'look' on his face.

"What is it?" she asked him.

"It is Sunday. And the thought of your leaving, it is unpleasant to me," he admitted.

She wanted to reach out and caress his cheek but she didn't. They hadn't exactly gotten that far yet. "I know."

"Will you also be distressed to leave my company?" he asked carefully.

She sighed and had to admit, "Yes, I will be."

He found himself throwing out, "Then you could stay here. There is more than enough room for us both and for the children. The house is quite large."

"Oh, you got that right," she quipped with a smile.

He remembered she didn't do well under pressure. "I wish for you to think about that. Simply think about it."

"I'm still thinking about it," she admitted.

His eyes widened. "You are?"

"I am."

"Am I to deduce from that your answer to me is no longer a definite 'no' on the issue of our possible marriage?"

She sighed as she sat back in her chair and wondered how to decode the minefield she had stepped into. And then her stomach growled loudly.

"We did not eat," he said quickly as he sat forward, alert. "I am lacking as a host."

"That's what parents do, right? We feed the kids first and forget to feed ourselves sometimes."

"Come. I shall take you out for a fine brunch at Taylor's," he said as he stood.

"You mean the air restaurant that's at least 100 credits a plate?"

"It is one of only three places in town that has separate kitchens that address so many dietary concerns. They happen to have seven, in total. One is vegan, one is kosher, one is dairy-free, one is-"

"I know, I know! But that's a lot of credits to spend on brunch!"

He seemed not to comprehend what she meant. "Then I shall pay them."

"But…" She looked around at herself then, and the fact of his house sank in, just then. She often wondered if this were something given to him simply because he was a diplomat. She knew he most likely had a lot of finances at his disposal because of being a part of Ishikawa Drive in his youth, a joint inventor in fact, but it never occurred to her how much money that might mean. "Are you rich?" she whispered. "I mean, because of Ishikawa?"

He wondered why she would whisper such a question. Everyone on his staff knew he was of the highest clan on Vulcan as well as having prospered a little too much at Ishikawa. He realized then that she truly did not know these things. He had not told her. "Not only because of Ishikawa."

She sat there and blinked at him. "Oh." Something in her mind was in shock. Lisa would kill her if she knew a rich man had asked her to marry him and she had told him, 'no', 'no', 'let me think about it' and 'okay, I'm considering it'. "If we got married, wouldn't you want me to sign a pre-nup or something?" she asked.

He seemed to turn green at the ears. "Why would I wish to protect my assets from she who is my wife?"

She was really confused then. "So you guys don't do pre-nups?"

"No. When marriages are conducted between two clans, agreements are made ahead of time. And that is all. I find prenuptial agreements to be… highly distasteful."

She was in awe of this man. So intelligent, so logical, and yet so open and vulnerable in ways he didn't understand. She knew she would never do anything to 'take him to the cleaners' if their relationship didn't work out. But she knew there were women out there who would. She felt protective of him in that moment, that no one like that could or would ever get their hands on him. He had spent all of his time wanting to take care of her, but she began to have that instinct that she also needed to take care of and protect him. And then there was that 'falling in love with him' factor. "Give me two weeks."

"Pardon?" he asked.

"To move in with you. I need two weeks to pack up the apartment and-"

He turned green in the face, then. "We cannot live together before being at least bonded."

She wasn't surprised at all to hear that. "Well then we've got some negotiations of our own to go through during brunch, don't we?"

##

He convinced her to allow the children to stay at home together with the nannies while she simply relaxed and enjoyed brunch along with him. He knew it had been months since she had had any time to herself outside of work or taking care of a baby.

They arrived at Taylor's and she saw that he had reserved a private room for them. She didn't even know a private room within an expensive restaurant would exist. Once again, she got the feeling that she was out of her league and should maybe just go home.

Once they were alone, he remarked, "I sense your discomfort."

"How do you do that?" she asked him. "I mean, Vulcan aren't empaths, so-" she shook her head, wondering if she had offended him by saying that.

He looked deeply into her eyes. "I am very susceptible to your moods, particularly when we are alone."

"Alone? Why alone?"

"It is easier to make certain I do not offend if I keep one telepathic tendril attached to you at all times. I can only do that when we are alone since we are not yet bonded."

"What does us being alone have to do with that?" she asked sincerely wanting to understand.

"In order to do that, I must lower some of my mental shielding. And to do that in the presence of others can be highly unpleasant, not to mention distracting."

"Is it unpleasant for you to do that with me?" she asked, alarmed. "I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself for my sake. Offend me if you need to, I know it's an accident when it happens and I haven't snapped at you since that day we took the babies to the park, right? Or was it the day after that?" she asked as she thought about it.

Since they were alone, his hand quickly reached forward and grasped hers to reassure her. "No, you have not. But you do not understand. It is unpleasant where others are concerned. But not with you."

"Do you like the way that I," she became shy then about asking the question, "feel?" she finished sheepishly. "Telepathically or- however it is?"

His eyes warmed over substantially as his breathing increased just the slightest. "Immensely. And you?" he asked.

She began to say, "I can't tell when-" but gasped as something began to pour into her senses from their connected hands. It felt like the sensation of hot lightning spreading desire through her system. It quickly became overwhelming, borderline painful, and tears sprang to her eyes.

He let go of her hand quickly and stood with haste, rounded the table, sat next to her. "Have I conveyed too much too quickly?" he asked.

She almost sobbed as she began to wipe her eyes. "What in the hell was that?"

He looked into her clear grey eyes, misted over with tears. "Me," he answered simply, "My- my wants, my desires, my intentions for you…"

She was still a little shaken and couldn't find her tongue to speak again.

"I did not mean to upset you so," he said as he looked just little bit lost.

At that point, she didn't care about crossing boundaries or what was proper, she was terribly shaken up. She put her arms around him, buried her face into the skin of his neck and hugged him tightly. She needed the reassurance of physical arms. As if some wish had been answered, he pulled her in fully enveloping her smaller form into his and hugged her back. He inhaled the clean scent of her newly washed hair and found himself working hard not to allow himself to wash over her again. He did use a small amount of himself to soothe her frayed nerves.

He realized, then, it had been many years since he had held a female thus. It was very satisfying in ways he had forgotten. And he realized then another reason he was probably chasing Shanna like a desert creature pursuing a meal. There was a void within him. And he was overly eager to fill it. What he had done was a disaster and he knew it.

"I'm all right now," she insisted as she pulled back a little. She didn't want to impose and linger with him overly much.

He sensed her thought and pulled her back to him. "I wish to continue this," he admitted. "It is no difficulty on my part. On the contrary, it is what I have wished for."

She looked up at him, realized, "You were reading me again, weren't you?"

"Yes."

She nodded, understanding what he meant. "And you want to touch me? I mean, physically? You don't mind? I don't overwhelm you? I mean, I'm very emotional and I wouldn't want to-"

One of his arms went fully around her again and he pulled her into his space. "Come closer."

It was getting cozy then and she was seriously contemplating trying to kiss him when the chimer on the private door rang. The two jumped apart like teenagers on prom night just before the door opened and the waiter entered with their food.

##

After their meal was done, they both sat back, satisfied. Shanna, fully restored then, smiled over at him. "Now about those negotiations."

"You do not have to if you do not wish it," he said. "I botched our first empathic contact."

She saw that his ears had gone green and she smiled at him even more then. "That means you make mistakes like everybody else. I find it endearing."

He was overwhelmed by her forgiveness. "Then we shall negotiate."

"If I bond with you and move in, I need to know you're going to give me time to get used to all of this- well this stuff, this telepathic thing that happens."

"I promise, I shall not attempt to engage in anything carnal with you until you are ready for such. Only when you say it is time shall we live together as a fully bonded couple."

"And what if it takes an entire year or something like that?" she asked, curious. She didn't think it would take that long, the man could convince a sea otter to buy water, but she really wanted to know what his answer was.

He promised, "Then it shall take a year." He wondered then if now was the time to tell her about… No, not yet.

She sighed as she looked at him. "Ananda is your daughter, Henry is my son. Agreed?"

His eyes glowed with happiness. "Most assuredly."

She looked down at her hands then, feeling as if she were out of her depth. For a split second, the thought occurred to her _What am I doing?_ She found herself looking back at him and admitting aloud, "I'm afraid."

He was very concerned. "What is the reason for your fear?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I just am." She swallowed back something terrible. "Every time it looks like something good might happen, something comes along and changes it. I'm afraid."

He sensed her fear. It was real. "Let us negotiate further."

She found herself inhaling and exhaling, trying to out-breathe the fear. "All right."


	8. Chapter 8

Eight

Shanna had taken that following Monday off from work in order to have a scheduled meeting with Ananda's new case worker.

The other woman who used to be on the case had basically stayed out of the family's way and let them do as they saw fit as far as the care of the child was concerned. That case worker's biggest concerns had been: Was the child being taken care of? Did she seem happy? Was the family struggling to meet her basic needs? Once she determined that everything was fine and it was no struggle for the family to meet Ananda's needs, the woman only saw fit to show her face once in the past couple of months. She had only shown up at Shanna's twice to ask a few questions, have a cup of tea and coo at the baby.

When the new woman came into her home and was settled onto her tiny couch, Shanna asked about the old case worker. "What happened to Mrs. Chalmers?"

The new woman, a plump figure who seemed to be stuffed into her blue suit by the name of Ms. Cinders, seemed slightly offended. "I don't see what concern that is of yours. I am the one on this case, now."

Shanna then said, with concern on her face, "I was just hoping nothing bad had happened to her, that's all."

"Bad?"

"Well accidents happen. Hospitalization? Sickness? Things like that," she explained. "So is she okay?"

Ms. Cinders seemed to unpuff a little when she saw that Shanna truly was concerned about the well-being of her old case worker. "She is fine. She had too heavy a caseload and some of her cases were reassigned. You're one of them."

Shanna nodded. "Okay. I'm glad she's all right. So what did you need today?"

She seemed to settle into her seat as she pulled out a PADD. "It's almost the time of year where all of these cases come up for yearly review and we're supposed to try to resolve some core issues involving each child. Where is she right now?"

"My mother's in my room with her keeping an eye on her."

She frowned as she went through Ananda's file. She seemed to be searching for something in the file that she couldn't find. "The child doesn't have a room of her own?"

Shanna shook her head. "No. She's in my room with me for now."

The woman's lips pinched and she began making notations on the PADD. She then looked up and around the apartment while trying to appear neutral, but her face said otherwise. "This apartment is very small. Is this all there is to it?"

"This, my bedroom and the bathroom," Ananda said as she smiled and nodded. She tried to inject an air of positivity into her words by saying, "It's way easier to keep everything clean."

"Were you planning on moving to a bigger place anytime soon?" she asked as she continued making notations.

"Yes, actually."

"And when do you allege you're going to move?"

Shanna didn't like her using that word 'allege' one bit or what it implied. "I'm actually moving in two weeks."

"I would never have known that since I don't see anything packed," the woman noted as she kept making notations.

"It was just decided last night. It shouldn't take much at all since I don't really have that many possessions. You've already said it yourself, it's a really small place."

"Moving in two weeks? What a coincidence," the woman smiled tightly. "What made you decide to move?"

She sighed. "I got engaged and-"

"I don't see a ring," she cut in as she continued making notations in the file.

"My fiancé hasn't bought it yet," said Ananda as she couldn't help but feel that this woman was biased against her for some reason. Normally, she would have told her off by now, but she knew it wasn't a good idea to do that with someone who had so much power over whether she kept Ananda.

"Sure he hasn't," she said dismissively as she continued to write notes. "Now, who takes care of the child while you're at work?"

"My mother does, for now."

"For now?" asked the woman.

Shanna sighed tiredly. "Well my mom's getting older, you know. After I move, I'm probably going to have someone else look after Ananda when I go to work."

"Someone else like who? Is it another relative or does this person have references?"

"It's a nanny, actually, so yes, she has references. Well, they have references."

The woman smiled a little. "Oh, a_ nanny_?"

"Well given my fiancé's job, it's going to be several of them on staff at his home and-" She could tell the woman didn't believe one word she had said since she'd mentioned moving in two weeks. Shanna cleared her throat and tried to be as nice as possible when she asked, "May I please ask, do you have some kind of personal problem with me or something?"

"I'm sorry, was I rude to you in any way?"

"I just get the feeling you don't believe I'm moving, you don't believe I got engaged or much of anything I've said."

Ms. Cinders smiled. "I've put the notations in the record, so don't worry about that. We'll see in time if anything you've said pans out. But I'm going to be straight with you, Miss Brown-Castillo. You're in your 30s, you live here in this tiny closet of an apartment in a not-so-desirable neighborhood. It's just very obvious you never had any intentions of settling down or having children."

"Wait a minute. How do _you _know that?" asked Shanna as passively as she could.

"Women who wait this long nowadays usually have a career in Starfleet or they're in some other branch of military life or they have a serious corporate career. What are you a-" she looked down at the file and flipped through. "You're a cultural attaché at the Vulcan embassy… nice name for an assistant. Well, that's not bad, really but just because you fetch some Vulcan's coffee and make sure he understand how we, the emotional people, think-"

Shanna was trying not to, but she felt tears spring to her eyes. "So you think that just because, in your opinion, I wasn't going to have children or whatever she should go to some family with a bigger home when we're perfectly willing and able to take good care of her? Raising children is not about money," she said as softly as possible so this woman didn't think she was flipping out on her.

"That's what people always say who don't have children," she remarked as she looked down at her PADD.

"My mother didn't have me until she was past 36," said Shanna as she shook her head. "But on the subject of Ananda, I've been taking care of her for months already. _I'm _her mother! I stepped up willingly to be her mother. When she gets up two and three times a night,_ I'm_ there! When her father died, _I_ was there! When her mother ran off, her father and my mother and I were the ones who were there for her! And now I have someone in my life who I feel will make a great dad for her-"

"As per the rules of the United Earth North American Division of the Department of Family Services I'm informing you now that in 30 days we will be conducting a home visit on the child's premises, wherever that happens to be. If you do move, you need to send me the new address within seven days of your moving. If this new premises is not up to specs in any way, we will remove the child and give her to a family more capable of providing her with the life she needs or we will return the child to her biological mother."

Shanna felt slightly more confident then since Siranon's place was sure as heck way bigger than where she was living at that time. But she felt the need to inform the case worker, "Her mother doesn't even want her."

"And you're certain of that?" asked the woman. It appeared she truly cared about that fact.

"The woman walked out on her within a month of having her. It's right there in her file, at least it should be. She said she never wanted her in the first place. We asked her mother's parents if they wanted the baby and they said 'no', they just want to visit with her from time to time hence why _we _have her now."

"Sometimes the chemicals in a woman's body go haywire after she gives birth. Maybe her mother has had enough time to receive adequate care and is ready to take care of her daughter now."

"So she actually asked to have her daughter back?" Shanna was confused. "I'd have thought she would have called me herself. She knows where to find me."

"I said nothing of the sort. It's just time now for the agency to determine if the biological mother is ready to retake custody since Ananda Brown's case has come up for yearly review. It's just that time of year, that's all." Ms. Cinders stood. "Look at the positive side, Miss Brown-Castillo, you could pass the inspection and still keep her for now. And if her mother still doesn't want her and you want these things to cease, you could always adopt her permanently."

Shanna looked at Ms. Cinders as she forced herself to smile. "Yes, of course. You're right. I should just adopt her if we make it through the next few weeks and she's still with me."

"Now, where is the child?" she asked. "I have to see her before I leave."

Shanna went to the bedroom and opened the door. "Bring her out, mom."

Her mother carried Ananda out of the room and the social worker actually smiled when she saw her. "Oh, she's a pretty one!" she clucked as she leaned in to take a closer look at her. Before Shanna could say a word of warning, the baby grew so excited she grabbed the front of the older woman's hair and yanked! "Ananda!" said Shanna. "You let go of Ms. Cinders hair right now!"

The baby let go instantly and smiled angelically at the woman as if she had never done such a painful thing. "That baby is terribly aggressive," remarked the social worker.

"That seems to be her natural personality," said Shanna's mother, Mrs. Castillo. "She sees someone she finds interesting for whatever reason and she grabs a good hold and doesn't like to let go. We still can't figure out why she does that. She doesn't realize it hurts. She'll outgrow it," she waved off the baby's actions.

The case worker looked none too happy. Shanna knew, though, that whatever happened had more to do with Ms. Cinders bias against her as a woman who seemingly had had no plans to have children before Ananda dropped into her lap.

In Shanna's mind, whether that was true or not was immaterial. The child was here and had been there for months and had basically taken over her life. She was her parent, end of story. And there had to be a way for her to keep her without making a run for it to Mars Colony or something crazy like that.

##

Siranon was disturbed. He had been aware ahead of time that Shanna would not be at work that day. But it still did not seem correct that he had not seen her at all that day. And he had not heard from her, either. He put in a call to her that evening after having put Henry to bed.

The moment the view screen activated, he could see that her eyes were red. Was that not a sign of crying? He was immediately alarmed. "_Ashal-veh_, what has happened?" he asked quickly. "Did not the visit go well?"

She shook her head. "No. It didn't."

"The child?" he asked, even more concerned then.

"She's still with me for now."

He felt dread in his chest and stomach forming. What he was concerned about with Henry seemed to be playing out at that moment with Ananda. "I wish to hear all that has happened."

Shanna was ready to launch into her tale, "When the representative from the department came here she-"

"I am coming to you now, this instant."

"Now?"

"Do you have a need for me?" he asked, wanting to see her eyes.

She didn't even attempt to hide it as she nodded rapidly. "Yes, I do. Please come and see me. Please."

Siranon nodded once quickly in answer, deactivated the view screen, informed the nannies where he was going and then he was gone in his personal craft.

##

As soon as Siranon arrived at her place, the door closed and he took his two fingers and clasped them to hers. She was about to ask what he was doing when a feeling was washing over her, but this time the feeling was different. It was like taking a sedative, having a shot of alcohol and then being held for close to an hour straight. And it only took about five seconds.

She was a little bit loopy after that and almost fell over. Siranon caught her and helped her to her tiny touch, sat her down, sat directly next to her. "Tell me what transpired," he requested.

She sighed as she sat back. "This time it was a different woman, not the same one that we'd had before. When she came all she saw was how small the place was and asked if I was going to move any time soon to a bigger place so Ananda could have her own room. And I said I was moving in about two weeks and she asked why and I said because I was engaged and she said I didn't even have a ring on my finger and I said it's because I don't have one yet and-"

"Breathe," he had to tell her.

Shanna didn't even realize she was speaking so quickly she wasn't breathing properly. She took a deep breath. "Everything I said, she didn't believe it. I said I was moving, she didn't believe it. I said I was engaged, she didn't believe that either, none of it. And then she said it was obvious I was never planning on even having any children. So Ananda shouldn't be with me, she should be with a family that could give her more space and more of everything? I disagreed, of course, and said I'm her mother now and I want to keep her and she said that it was even possible they would give her back to her biological mother if she was ready to take her and that's it. They're going to do a home study visit in a month or whatever."

"That is illegal."

She looked at him, shocked. "What?"

"Were you given 30 days notice, in writing?" he asked.

She realized then as she shook her head, "No, I was told verbally but she never sent me an electronic copy or anything."

"Are you, in fact, her foster parent?"

Shanna thought about it some more. "Actually, no, I'm not really her foster parent. I never took the money they offered for me to be her foster parent. I was given that option but since we're her blood family members the other social worker didn't want us to have to go to court or go through any of this. I thought we didn't have to become her foster parents in order to keep her for good since her mother basically gave her away to us after my cousin died."

"Your laws changed significantly in this way nearly a century ago. I only know because of the process I have embarked upon with Henry. Please, do not worry, _ashal-veh_, my lawyers are now your lawyers. If Ananda's biological mother is not interested in reclaiming her you will be able to keep her."

Her eyes lit up. "You mean you're going to help me keep her?"

His hands, of their own accord, grasped her face. "Why should I not help you? I wish to be bonded with you, I wish the child to remain with _us_. She is _ours_, is she not?"

Shanna could feel tears traveling down her face in a slow steady stream. "Yes. She's ours." From the position that his hands were on her face, she started to feel something strange happening, like tendrils searching softly for a foothold in her mind. "What is that feeling?" she whispered.

Siranon seemed called to his senses and dropped his hands immediately. "I apologize."

She felt slightly let down. Whatever it was, it had felt very good. "Do it again."

His eyes were almost predatory at that point. "I cannot. I almost took matters into my own hands and bonded you to me prematurely. I apologize. It was instinctual."

"Instinctual?"

"Since my family is threatened, subconsciously I do believe my inner self assessed the situation and saw that united, we would be in a better position to keep both children and it attempted to subvert my will and take what it wants."

She felt a little nervous and thrilled as she said, "You speak about it as if he's someone else."

He looked her in the eye and declared, "It is. The person I am on an everyday basis, no one except you will ever understand that that is the person I was made into from the time I was Henry's age. By the time I was five, he was almost fully formed. You were in the Vulcan Studies classes, were you not?"

"You read my file," she halfway joked, trying to bring a little levity into the situation.

But he was not joking. "Then you know who my people were before Surak came and changed an entire planet."

"But that was in the past. You guys are not like that anymore."

It was at that moment he knew he should discuss Pon Farr. But once again he decided to wait. She had been through enough for this day and he didn't think it was fair to put that on her at the moment. Soon, he would tell her. Soon. "You must understand, Shanna, that we, in fact, still can be that way. That is the reason we distance ourselves from emotion and feeling. It is the reason we meditate. Admittedly, some of us do not possess that old instinct as strongly as others. I am not one. I must adhere to the tenets of logic and discipline. Without it, I am aware of who and what I would become."

"I don't understand what you mean."

He thought about his everyday life. "Without logic, without reason, if someone made me angry, upset me, I would simply engage them in battle. If someone offended my _ashal-veh_ or attempted to take her from me, I would try my best to kill them. If someone threatened our family structure, I would go to war in order to prevent that. And there would be no degrees of severity. My ancestors lived in a primal heat of hatred, anger and war almost constantly. There was much we as a people did not accomplish during that time for the constant fighting that occurred. And yet, one thing accomplished quickly was discovering how efficiently we could kill one another. It was untenable after a time. We would not have survived. I have no illusions about who I would have been. I would not have been the man I am now. That other man, that is the one that attempted, just now, to bond you to me prematurely."

"But he_ is_ you," she said, fascinated and beginning to understand what he was trying to say. "You have to accept him."

"He is unacceptable," he said with an unmistakable degree of shame without meeting her gaze.

"Without him you wouldn't survive," she concluded. "You're two sides of a coin and a coin can't have one side. That I _do _understand."

"You accept him," he said, fascinated, as he turned and looked at her once again.

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked.

_Because approximately once every seven years he comes to the fore and demands the right to take what he wants from the female in my life…_ He swallowed back the regret that today was not the day to talk about that. Not until all of this with the children was done could he bring that up. But it moved him that she could accept a part of him that he wished did not live within him. "You are fascinating," he found himself saying as he looked into her steel grey eyes.

She felt a blush lifting from her stomach and into her face as she looked away briefly. "I think you are, too," she whispered. He was sitting there with her, had come quickly to her side when he saw she was in trouble. He was amazing to her.

She looked him over, little by little, for almost the first time. Handsome? Yes. But other little details had escaped her notice. The brown accents mixed in with the black of his hair, his skin that was an almost olive color. The feature on him she loved the most, besides those lovely ears, was that small space under his temples just before the side of his cheekbones began. She slowly sat forward, bracing herself on his shoulders and lightly kissed the spot.

Since he didn't move or protest in any way, she moved her lips but a few inches and kissed the upsweep of one eyebrow and then the other.

Siranon's eyes drifted shut as her lips lightly kissed several points on his face. He had never expected her to physically touch him in any way so quickly. But according to his research, this was what humans did to convey affection during dating, this kissing. He at first thought it sounded unhygienic. He had often seen Mila and Kenji do this and did not understand the appeal. But his mind was beginning to change on the subject as her lips lightly brushed his chin.

She stopped briefly right before pecking him quickly on his lips. "Do Vulcans kiss?" she whispered curiously and then pecked him on the lips again.

That time, he tried to kiss her back but he couldn't quite get the hang of it. Despite that, he still felt as if he were under some kind of spell. "No."

She went to move away from him, thinking perhaps she had done something wrong for a second, but his hands shot out and grabbed her around the waist, pulled her to sit directly on top of him, straddling his waist. She inhaled sharply. He was obviously aroused. From how still and silent he had been, she would never have known. "I do not wish for you to stop," he admitted on a whisper. "By all means, you may continue."

They were face to face, bodies so close. Both parties were very intrigued at what was happening at the moment between them. Hormones were in overdrive, differences in height and weight and small- perhaps not so small- things such as scent were being registered little by little.

He noticed her unique scent was being masked by several different artificial scents. Her soap and lotion, perhaps? She didn't seem to prefer wearing overpowering scent enhancers, but he still realized he very much preferred that natural undercurrent that was obviously all 'her'. He leaned in and inhaled her inner neck region and then lightly bit it.

She gasped a little as he continued giving her little bites all the way down her neck. Her eyes drifted not exactly shut, but halfway open as she offered him her neck even more by leaning into his tiny bites. She didn't even realize she was being bitten, little bites at a time, but whatever he was doing felt very good to her.

Siranon's arms pulled Shanna in to him as close as possible and he allowed some part of his mental shielding to collapse. He pulled her even closer into his empathic field and let a small amount of what he was feeling to wash over her.

Shanna lost track of time and place as she groaned a little and moved her face closer to his and lightly pecked at his lips again. That time he gave her a tiny kiss back. They were both feeling the hum and burn of desire between them. She realized that she was aware of parts of him that ordinarily she couldn't. She could feel his slight hesitation, the fact that he was holding onto himself, still, as tightly as possible. She didn't understand how, because she was already long gone as her face brushed against his lightly.

"Put your hand to mine," he whispered in her ear.

She lifted her open hand to his. As their hands joined, a current of something passed from him and into her. It was much more controlled than he wanted it to be, but he knew it would overwhelm her to release himself fully just yet.

They were content to drift on the current of pleasant deep desire they seemed to be coasting on together, neither one of them moving for a couple of minutes. The feeling grew, expanded, deepened in that time and the couple were lost in its sensation.

Siranon realized he was becoming lost in the sensation and had to slowly disentangle them over a few seconds.

Shanna 'came to' straddled on his lap, face to face with him. She remembered how they wound up that way and was simply amazed at what had happened, how that felt…

"That was beautiful," she remarked. She also felt amazingly relaxed as if they had engaged in way more than what they had. She relaxed into his arms and let him hug her close. "Is that what you meant when I asked you about that before, about the telepathic and the physical being intertwined?"

He restrained himself to holding her close, noting her markedly relaxed mood. What had happened was enough for her, apparently, but not for him. He was fortunate it was enough for her, he realized. Because had that not been the case, he would have kept going. "Yes. We should not have engaged in that, as it is," he admitted.

She sat up at looked at his face with concern. "You mean what we just did was- it was wrong? We shouldn't have done that?"

"No one need know. We shall bond soon, according to our agreement."

She was a little bit alarmed that he had allowed such a thing to happen when it shouldn't have. "But I don't want you to think that-"

"Shanna," he said as he pulled her up look into her eyes, "I am aware of your intentions. You never mean to do harm. Do not think I do not know that. What has happened between us happened between two adults. It is no one's concern but ours."

She looked into his warm dark eyes and asked, "So only bonded couples are supposed to do things like that?"

"Yes."

She leaned in close and hugged him again. "Can you hold me like this and its okay?" she asked.

He sighed as he held her close, a half smile forming on his face. "This is considered a mere technicality."

She turned to sit on him sideways, no longer straddling him and laughed into his chest. "A technicality?"

"It is said among my people that a woman should only be held in the arms of the male she belongs to. You belong to me, do you not?"

She understood what he meant. "Since I belong to you but we're not bonded yet that's the technicality."

"Precisely."

She found herself grinning as she gave him a squeeze. "So many restrictions."

"Indeed."

"Why are you going against them?"

He paused for a few minutes. "Must you ask?"

She saw he had become uncomfortable for some reason because of that question and she decided to let it go. "All right, Siranon, we don't have to talk about it right now. I can respect that."

He held her even tighter then, one of his hands possessively squeezing and then gently kneading her hip. He did not want to wait two weeks to be bonded. The need for him was not at all physical. His mind was lonely for hers.

He found himself admitting, "The Vulcan male was made to be in contact with a mate at all times, mentally. I was able to bury myself in work at the embassy since the dissolution of my last bond. But the time approaches for that void within me to be at an end." And that was the closest to talking about Pon Farr that he came to that night.

She realized something then as she pulled back to look at him. "Does it hurt? The loneliness?"

He tried to think about it in terms she could understand. "There is a space in me that demands to be filled. And yes, there is an element of pain attached to it at this time. It was not there before," he admitted.

"When did it start?" she asked.

He sighed as the fingers of one of his hands began to lightly feather over the side of her face. "When I checked our compatibility. But it began as a small thing. As time wore on, it has grown larger. It is now a gaping hole in my psyche," he admitted.

"Damn," she found herself muttering. "I don't want you to be in pain."

"An agreement was made and I shall adhere to it," he said. "I shall simply have to meditate more thoroughly and will most likely not sleep as well as before, though from the way you handle sleep deprivation, my intended, you put me to shame."

She blushed at his compliment. And that feeling was there, underneath the surface, that sensation that she didn't want him to leave. He was sacrificing a lot to fit into her comfort zone. It endeared her to him even more. She wanted to be with him… "You are not what I expected at all," she admitted then as she absently reached up and ran a fingertip over his ear.

He groaned at the feeling. She didn't realize it was she was doing!

"Bad idea?" she asked as she quickly took her hand away from his ear.

"Indeed."

"I won't do that again for a while then," she promised on a half giggle as they simply sat and held one another. He knew it helped her insecurity regarding the situation with Ananda. But he vowed to himself, he would do whatever it took so they could keep both children in their care.


	9. Chapter 9

Nine

Siranon had still been there that night in time for Ananda to awaken around midnight. Shanna let him be the one to feed her and put her back to sleep with what she referred to as his 'Vulcan mind lock'. The baby did sleep the entire night after that.

As soon as he was done taking care of Ananda, Shanna escorted Siranon to the door to go home. "I shall see you at work, tomorrow," he said before he left, standing just inside her doorway.

She smiled up into his still serious face. "Yes."

He extended his hand then, two of his fingers outstretched. She met them with hers and found herself blushing deeply at the feel of what pulsed between the two of them. "Until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

Shanna fell into bed and right to sleep and slept until it was time to get up the next day.

##

Everyone in the office noticed the two ate lunch together a few days that week. They had never done that before, so everyone was curious about what might or might not be going on.

The couple spent that weekend with the children, but they didn't receive much of an opportunity to be alone. Shanna began to realize that Siranon was kind of avoiding a recurrence of what had happened at her place that Monday before. It bothered her more than a little bit, too.

It came to a head Sunday night before she went home. She went to kiss him and he turned away from her, avoiding her touch. Instead of her saying something and asking what that was about, she tried to pretend it didn't bother her. But it did. She lay in bed that night thinking and thinking. She had a feeling like she wanted to call him up and speak to him about it, but instead she rolled over and tried to go to sleep. Sleep didn't come until three hours before it was time for her to get up.

The next day, one full week before they were supposed to bond, she impulsively went into his office, closed the door and found herself asking, "Are we telling anyone, like coming out and telling them that we're together? Or are we just letting everyone figure it out?"

He looked at her, surprised at the question. "It had not occurred to me."

"Well I don't know what 'the rules' are-" she said with air quotes.

"Rules?"

"Well I noticed that you were avoiding being alone with me, maybe mostly because of 'the rules' and I didn't want to step on those, even though I don't know what all of them happen to be." She smiled and laughed, but it wasn't a true laugh of happiness. "It'd probably help if I knew all of them, you know. So I figured I better ask ahead of time. I wouldn't want to get you into trouble!"

He could tell she was upset about something, but he didn't know what that something was. "You are angry with me."

She didn't even realize she was genuinely angry with him until he said it. Then she found herself admitting it to both herself and him as she stood there, nodding in the realization. "Yes, I guess I am pretty upset. But I can't figure out if I'm upset with you or the both of us at the same time." She suddenly looked slightly lost as she stood there not making eye-contact with him and trying to figure it out.

Siranon looked terribly confused. "Is there something I have done or did not do?"

The first question she could think of popped into her head and out of her mouth, "Are you ashamed of me?"

He frowned. "What would make you ask such a thing?"

"Well no one knows about us, not really. Are we a secret? To be safe I looked up the rules on interoffice situations at this embassy, because some places have rules about fraternization, and there's nothing in there that says our relationship is wrong or something. So I can't figure out if it's just Vulcan culture or-" she floundered as she tried to put her finger on what it was that was bothering her!

"I mean, the whole 'mind our own business' thing, I totally get that. But then I got the feeling you didn't want to be alone with me this weekend and-" She was upset, didn't understand fully why she was upset and found herself shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I don't even know exactly how to phrase what's bothering me, but something_ is_. I have to go and figure this out before we talk about this again, I'm sorry."

"Please, do not leave," he stood. Some part of him was panicking.

She shook her head. "I have to go. Telvin likes his tea at this time. He's old and he at least deserves his tea on time."

She had him there. Vulcans truly respected their elders. "Yes, of course," he said as he watched her go.

There was confusion in his mind. Shanna wondered if he were perhaps ashamed of her or didn't want to be in her company, alone? He tried to track back to why she would think such a thing. The nearest he could approximate had to do with when she had been ready to leave him for the evening. He would not kiss her.

He was very much in fear of repeating what had happened between them the week before. The experience, at that time, had been worse than not enough for him. He felt a deep physical need for Shanna stronger than he supposed he should. Lacking a bond mate, he knew the emotion could grow out of control very quickly. So he decided, preemptively, to not touch her anymore until they were properly bonded. Had she, perhaps, felt personally rejected at this?

And her asking who they would tell? That was a separate issue. What did humans do under these circumstances? Two Vulcans bonded and their families knew. From the official ceremony afterward, others would learn. In addition to the female removing the ruby from her ear and the two appearing in public with clasped fingers, others would know from that, as well. But what _did_ humans do, under these circumstances? It was so easy for him to assume certain things and assume he had. As a result, something was lost in translation between the two of them and Siranon did not know what that something was. Apparently, neither did Shanna. She only knew she was upset.

And he only knew she was someplace at that moment, on her own, trying to figure it all out.

##

Shanna was very upset and angry with herself. She was also angry at Siranon and the whole confusing mass of whatever their relationship was turning into. She had given Telvin his tea and left him to it as she went for a walk outside on her break time.

She needed to figure it out, _why_ was she so upset with Siranon? Why was she upset with herself? She walked on and on and the memory kept intruding of when she had tried to kiss him. He wouldn't do it. She tried to act as if it were no big deal, but she decided then she wasn't going to lie to herself about it any longer. It stung.

It had sent her on a serious thinking spree that night as she lay in bed not sleeping. Did she smell badly? Was something wrong with her breath? Or maybe because he wasn't supposed to kiss her because they weren't bonded yet… but wouldn't he say that instead of leaving her to wonder? He hadn't said anything, only turned away. No, it had to be her.

And after they moved in together and bonded… well who would know at the office? Would things go on the way they were or… or what? Was she just being horribly picky? The more she thought about it the more she saw that maybe it was not such a big deal after all. So why was she feeling so sensitive?

She sat on a bench and tried to put her mind to finishing up some work on her PADD for Telvin and the tears started to run down her face as she realized what was happening to her on the inside. Siranon. She really was in love with him. There was a pain in her chest then as she realized she wasn't just a little bit afraid of that, she was almost deathly afraid of it.

She had no idea when it had happened or how, but there it was. So at least she would love her husband! She found herself laughing almost out loud as more tears spilled down her face, grateful she was alone. Would he love her, though?

She laughed at her stupidity some more. She was marrying a man soon (was a bonding a marriage? More questions she didn't know the answers to!) that maybe wouldn't or couldn't love her back? Well maybe he would, but he just couldn't say it? And what would make their marriage official? They should have talked about that and a whole lot more and they hadn't. Only half of that was his fault, she knew. Half of it was all hers.

She felt stupid in her vulnerability as she wiped her tears away and sobered up. She wanted to tell him how she really felt but would he just stand there and stare at her and not answer? That was the worst case scenario, in her mind, telling a man you loved him and getting no reaction. Or worse, maybe he would say he could not and did not feel the same? Whatever the case, she knew he would never lie to her. It was a part of the reason she loved him, she knew, Siranon never lied.

She tried to soothe herself. He felt _something _for her, that much was obvious from that last series of events where they wound up empathically linked for that time. But just because he felt 'something' didn't mean he felt 'love'.

Shanna made herself stand up and go back to the building to finish the work she had started on the PADD. Her break was almost over and she needed to be there when Telvin called her to take care of bringing those documents over to the main embassy for him. She forced herself to push her thoughts to the back of her mind concerning Siranon. There was no use thinking about this when there was nothing she could do about it for the time being. Later, they could talk all of this out when they weren't at work! She was not having one more relationship conversation on the job!

Besides, she knew, it was self-sabotaging to rethink marrying him because of fear. Ananda needed her to move in with him in order for them to keep custody of her, and Henry needed her for similar reasons, as well. She never wanted to be that person that did something like this 'for the children', but why did it look like it was turning into that in her head?

_You are paranoid and you're lying to yourself you need to stop. You're not staying with him 'for the children', you love him! Take Lisa's advice and talk to him about your trust issues! How is he supposed to know if you don't say anything? Maybe he loves you and maybe he doesn't... You won't know until you talk to him about it, right? Just because you think you feel the love first you get to be the vulnerable one? No, it doesn't work that way! Stop being a little girl and communicate with the man! Get your head together first and then talk to him, tell him everything…_

Having properly chastised herself, Shanna went back to work that day and did her job. But she knew pep-talking herself and actually doing the stuff she knew she needed to do were two different things.

##

Siranon went to try and speak with Shanna at the end of the workday. She was already gone. He checked the time she had clocked out and saw he had missed her by a mere 5 minutes.

He was troubled because she was troubled. He was annoyed, not the first time, for not yet being connected to her mentally so he could know what it was that troubled her. How did human males do this? He had to give credit to them all, not being in one another's minds. It was a wonder to him that their relationships survived at all!

He returned home. After spending most of his evening with Henry and then putting him to bed, he looked at the chronometer. It was the hour after Shanna usually put Ananda to bed, he knew.

Siranon decided to make an unannounced visit. His _ashal-veh_ was in doubt over, seemingly, everything concerning them. He had to decipher what these things were and try to set things straight.

##

Shanna should have been surprised when he showed up on her doorstep fifteen minutes shy of ten o'clock, unannounced, but she halfway wasn't. It was the kind of man he was. He would always want to set things straight between them as soon as possible, even when she was apt to maybe avoid some issues. Some part of her was at least comforted by that, even if maybe he didn't feel the love she felt for him.

"Ananda?" he asked about the child, as he walked into her tiny apartment.

"She's asleep already."

"She is well?"

"She's fine," Shanna smiled. "How's my Henry?"

Siranon experienced the inner sensation of wanting to smile at her calling him 'my Henry'. "The child is fine. He is also asleep at this time."

She ushered him further into her apartment, gave him a seat on her couch, made him a cup of tea. She made herself one at the last minute so when she sat down with him she could at least have something to do with her hands. They always gave away her nervousness.

As soon as she sat down, she put his cup in front of him and kept hers as she said, "I know why you're here. And I want to apologize to you for having that moment in your office earlier. It wasn't fair of me to do that. I just needed some time to figure things out for a minute. I should have thought things out first and got my head together before saying something to you. And I was just afraid of some things and I took it out on you and it wasn't fair. I'm sorry."

He hadn't expected an apology. "You are unsettled by several things, are you not?"

She nodded her head. "Yes, I was."

He didn't understand. "'Was?' Does this mean you no longer are?"

"No, I'm still bothered by some things but I just understand better now what those things were. I kind of understand what went wrong in my head."

He searched her eyes. She wasn't saying anything else. It was at that point he began to understand that she was adapting to how he did things. Usually she would simply tell all. Now she was doing what he did, waiting for him to ask for the whole story. He wanted to laugh but of course he didn't. "Shanna, tell me of your concerns. All of them. Perhaps we may allay them one by one."

She sighed. She still hadn't decided if she would discuss it _all_. But for the time being, she decided to start with the easy stuff. "Okay, um, like… I haven't met your family or anything and you haven't met mine. I mean, I think we're going so fast that things like this haven't even been done yet. To tell you the truth, all I care about you meeting is my mom and my friend Lisa and that's really it. The rest of my family can wait until the wedding… I mean, do you guys even do weddings? I'm sorry, I've just got so many holes in what I know. I don't do well with holes in my knowledge."

He nodded. "It is understandable. There is no phrase a Vulcan has trouble uttering more than 'I do not know'. Not having all of the facts is quite frustrating and I apologize sincerely for that." He thought about what she had just said. "Yes, we should meet our respective families. Would you wish a formal or a semi-formal occasion?"

"Well I was thinking this Saturday you could come by and meet my mother and Lisa and bring Henry." She shrugged. "They know about you and they want to meet you. My mother is just too happy that I'm finally 'settling down'. And Lisa's done nothing but tease me from the moment I told her about you." She looked for signs that he was perhaps upset about her telling her friend about him. But he didn't seem to be. She breathed in relief and realized that once again, the past was interfering with her thought process.

"Yes, that is agreeable to me," he said immediately. "And perhaps Sunday you will come and meet the Lady Amanda and Sarek and also the main embassy Healer. My father is not here on Earth at this time, but perhaps you would consent to speaking with him via subspace. He knows of you and is eager to meet you and Ananda, even if it is not face to face as of yet."

Her eyes widened. "I understand meeting your dad, but the Ambassador Sarek, why would I meet him? I actually met Lady Amanda years ago in my Vulcan studies courses. I was one of the first students to be chosen for them. I doubt she even remembers me, but why them?"

"They are members of my clan. Telvin is also related to me, albeit distantly and from my mother's side."

She was caught up on the fact that he was related to Sarek. Her eyes widened. "What?"

"Yes, I was sent to the embassy by my clan mother, T'Pau."

She was glad she was sitting. She wanted to pass out. She actually saw spots starting to dance in front of her vision. "You're a part of the S'Chn T'Gai?" She was entering anxiety attack mode.

"I thought you were aware-"

Shanna picked up a thin piece of packing material sitting on the coffee table. There were moving materials here and there, boxes already packed, and the thin material was perfect for what she was currently doing in earnest. Fanning herself. "I almost freaking swooned! I am _not_ a swooner!"

He did not understand what was wrong. "This distresses you?"

"I think I'm pretty close to being 'rendered unconscious'," she muttered halfway to herself almost comically.

"I am not one of the higher members of our family," he said. Though he would not admit to her at that time, he was one of 'T'Pau's favored'. She was his great-aunt, in human terms. She was the one who had advised him to get a human wife in order to help raise Henry.

She nodded. "Okay, okay, okay. I'll get over it. I'll get over it," she said rapidly. "Okay. Uh, next concern. I'm sorry about the whole physical contact thing. I realized that it wasn't fair of me to expect you to change how you felt that fast and- I mean, maybe you don't want to do anything like that while you're not bonded yet? So after I had a few hours today to really hash it out in my head, I figured out that I needed to respect that and have a conversation with you about it instead of getting all upset and having assumptions."

"I should have also spoken with you instead of not addressing the issue. I, too, apologize."

She nodded. "Thank you." She swallowed back fear. "Weddings. _Do_ you guys do weddings?"

"If you mean via a formal ceremony, yes, there can be one," he said. "Some merely bond and then see a priest, Healer or clan mother afterward to solemnize the union. That can be as public or private as you may wish. So long as it is done within the year of the bonding. But we absolutely cannot live together before the bonding."

She sighed, distracted as she thought about what else she wanted to say. Her deep trust issues. Maybe she should keep that to herself. Who wanted to hear the sob story from a past relationship? She decided then to just let it go.

And what about confessing her love? That bothered her the most at that time. Maybe it wasn't necessary to tell him anything? Maybe it was pretty stupid to feel the need to tell someone something like that when maybe… she just didn't know. All she knew was that she was seriously backpedaling and not wanting to say anything while really wanting to say something. All she could think of was rejection… and once again, the past was messing with her.

He could see that she had gone quiet. That usually meant that something was troubling her deeply. "Shanna?" he whispered.

She stood. "We've finished our tea." She picked up both saucers with the cups still on them. She was shaking a little and you could hear the trembling of the chinaware as a result. She quickly walked to the reclamation unit and put them in. She was dialing up the program to have them cleaned and put away when she felt him standing directly behind her, standing so close, close enough that he was only just touching her. Her heart was beating rapidly and she could barely catch her breath. She felt his hands at her hips, pulling her closer to him. "Please tell me what it is that concerns you," he said in that low tone that always undid her.

Gooseflesh broke out all over her arms and back. She loved his voice. She loved his eyes, his stupid haircut, his ears, his hands and the way they made her feel, his scent. She loved him.

"I really didn't want to say anything about any of it, but I was in an awful _awful _relationship and um… I'll spare you the details," she said with a trembling voice as she continued facing the unit and not him. "But sometimes you go through things and you're afraid after that to be vulnerable again. I know your stance on emotion and feelings and things like what I feel right now for you and-" And she felt stupid as she stood there and didn't know what else to say and the words literally got stuck. She started to cry in frustration. She found herself floundering for words.

"People, human people, just have this_ thing_ where they tell someone they love them and they might want to hear it back-" she scoffed at herself then, stuck on the words again. She felt like she was just messing it up.

He could feel her, everything she felt, washing over him since he had allowed his inner screens to drop. He was being deeply affected by it, too. He could feel everything she felt as she said it, and that half declaration of love was accompanied by a sharp mental shove against him coupled with deep fear. What had happened to her? But he was still caught up on that one fact, that declaration of love, and it was pulling him in deep.

She was being turned around rapidly by him as a very intense set of eyes looked down into hers. This man, she saw, was someone else. This man was almost scary in his intensity. This was that other man they talked about the week before. And it was quickly turning into Shanna's 'the hell with it' moment as she found her eyes anchored to his as she was throwing out, "I love you." She found herself confessing it all. "I don't know all of how that happened, but I do love you. It's why I've been so afraid of-"

His hands quickly came up the way they had the week before, cupping her under the ears and attached themselves to her face_, tendrils searching, finding a foothold, taking root, making connections…_

"Siranon!" she half gasped as something washed over her that felt halfway good and halfway painful.

His hands dropped quickly. "_Ashal-veh_," he whispered. "I believe I may have gone further than I should have."

She was dizzy as she leaned against him. "What? What did you do?" she whispered.

He said nothing at first as he used two fingers to check her psi-points. He swallowed back in relief. "A link has been established between us. I did not bond us, just yet."

"You almost did?" she asked as she got her breath back.

"Yes," he confessed.

"Did my saying-"

"Do not say it again!" he said as he lifted her chin and he looked down at her. His eyes were almost wild. "I cannot control my reaction! Please, do not say it for I shall react and make you mine ahead of time."

She saw the effort he was putting into controlling himself and found herself worse than turned on by the situation. What was wrong with her?! But that cautious part of herself was being shoved aside and the bolder side of her was taking over. "I'm already yours," she whispered to him.

"Shanna," he warned with a shake of his head.

"Do it," she said again, not understanding what was making her so bold.

"You must be absolutely certain that you-"

She hooked a hand onto his neck, pulled his face down to hers, kissed him hard on the mouth. "I love you," she said quickly as she kissed him again. "Finish it this time."

It was all the encouragement he needed.

##

With the bonding came an almost instant set of instinctual knowledge for Siranon, one of which was how to kiss her. They wound up newly bonded, on her floor, kissing like mad.

They were riding a high that neither one expected. Siranon, though having been bonded before, realized it was because he was a child at the beginning of his first one and she had never been bonded at all. They were both pretty ready to cement their relationship fully that night though both of them knew they had some issues they really should work out first. But both parties were ready to shove those issues aside in favor of—

Ananda woke up crying.

They both paused and seemed to 'wake up'. They were still dressed, but they had temporarily forgotten everything previously agreed to. And Shanna felt a slight headache forming.

Siranon stood and said, "I will take care of her."

Shanna sat there, dazed a little. What had happened was all on her! And she knew it. The man had pretty much lost his mind at her declaration and instead of respecting that wild look in his face, she had gone and provoked… this.

She sat up, still amazed, as she heard him laying Shanna back down with gentle words. She knew he was doing his soothing sleep touch on her and found herself sitting there, still in shock. What had she gone and done? Then she wanted to laugh out loud. She knew exactly what she had gone and done!

Less than three minutes later, he emerged from her bedroom. "The child sleeps deeply. She will not awaken again until morning."

She found herself swallowing at the sight of him. She was battling many thoughts and emotions, but she felt two things as he stood in her bedroom doorway. He was beautiful. She loved him.

"The thought is mutual, _ashal-veh_," he whispered as he rapidly crossed the room and kissed her until they both broke into a deep sweat. He pulled back after a moment. "I shall go now before we do more things that are, frankly, unscheduled."

She almost did laugh out loud then.

They walked to the door together and just as she was about to open it, Siranon was turning, pulling her into his arms and once again, kissing her as if her lips were on fire and he had an extinguishing substance on his to put it out. And it was so different this time because she could feel him physically and mentally. It was too much information too quickly. She found herself dizzy and with a headache.

"I will stop," he said quickly. "We will figure it out. All of it," he assured her.

She sighed as she wondered where that pounding headache had come from. "All right."


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N- Once again, special thanks to Vulcan Language Dictionary!_

* * *

Ten

Shanna awoke the next day to a crying, raging Ananda and an even worse headache. "Owww." The baby's screeching cry made it that much worse. "Come on, kid," she halfway whispered, "have some mercy on me." Even talking hurt!

She stood to get Ananda ready for the day and opened her curtains. The daylight hurt! Walking over to take care of Ananda, everything hurt!

She got Ananda fed, cleaned up and dressed and was only able to halfway get herself ready. She took the baby to her mother's house and decided to finish getting ready over there hoping her headache would have eased up some by then.

"What happened to_ you_?" asked her mother the moment she saw her daughter's pain-stricken face.

"I have a headache like you wouldn't _believe_," she said as she stepped into her home and handed Ananda over.

Shanna immediately went and began fixing her hair in her mother's hallway mirror as the older woman brought the baby into the kitchen to sit her in a booster chair and mix her up some rice cereal.

"Anything you know of that brought it on?" her mother asked from the kitchen.

"I suspect it was my impulsivity," she whispered past the pain.

Her mother was confused by that answer, but she didn't exactly know how to address it. "Maybe you shouldn't go to work today. Maybe you should lie down right now." She was obviously worried.

"I'm all right, mom. When I get there I can get a hypo from the pharmacy near the embassy and I'll be okay." She was dabbing on a tiny bit of gloss because adding anything else that day was nothing short of painful.

"Get that hypo as soon as possible," her mother was saying to her.

"I will, mom," she promised as she walked out onto the street to catch a shuttle to work.

Shanna picked up an extra strength headache medicine from a pharmacy two blocks from the embassy, went into the pharmacy bathroom and administered it immediately. After walking out and back onto the pavement she could feel the hypo starting to dull the pain. It made it easier to walk and function, but the pain was still there. She knew that after some more time the hypo should kick in even more and take all of the pain away. But to make matters worse, was that a stiff neck she was starting to get?

She pushed herself onward, glad that the pain would be easing up soon and eager to see Siranon that day._ Is he my husband now?_

##

Siranon heard a thought stray into his mind while he was sitting behind his desk. No one was around and he found himself giving off a half smile and answering it with his own return thought:

_Yes, ashal-veh, I am your husband now. And you are my wife…_

He could feel an answering sharp burst of surprised joy from Shanna. But he could also detect a note of deep pain. He frowned. Why was she in pain? His eyes widened and then he knew why she might be in pain. Why had it not occurred to him until now that she might develop side-effects from the bond?

He turned to his terminal and called up the embassy to speak to his cousin, the Healer on staff.

Sokam appeared on his screen. "My cousin, how may I help you today?"

It was difficult for him to admit it, but he said, "I do believe I have performed my bonding improperly and I may need your help to-" he paused.

He saw that Sokam was very much not pleased. "Did I not tell you when it was time that you should come to me to perform your bonding?"

Siranon frowned at him. "It was not planned." He expected his cousin to upbraid him fully then about his illogical impulsiveness.

But Sokam merely nodded. "I have been in such a situation myself. Shall you be bringing her in now?"

He swallowed. "She has not yet arrived for her work duties."

His cousin sat there on the other side of the screen, face impassive. "Am I to understand you bonded a human female to you and then you allowed her to leave your side?"

"Yes, that is correct. There are extenuating circumstances."

Sokam blinked three times. "Your self-control was sorely lacking and then it became impeccable. I do not understand these flights of illogic you have been given to lately. Perhaps you are closer to your Time than you initially estimated."

"Say nothing to her of that!"

Sokam was intensely curious by that outburst. Was his cousin in a panic? "You have not told her."

He gave off an almost imperceptible sigh. "I have not told her."

Sokam's brows lifted. "Be certain when you do that I am out of the city. I too made the error of not informing my human wife until after the fact. Her reaction was- unprecedented."

Siranon found his left brow lifting. Ever since Sokam had married his wife years before, he had been given to cryptic human humor. But there was not one hint of a smile on his face. "As soon as I am able, I shall bring her to you for an examination."

Sokam merely nodded in answer and then disconnected the call.

##

Shanna went straight to Telvin and began her duties that morning. She sat Telvin's tea down before him and then went to get his schedule together. It felt like daggers were stabbing her through the eyes and up into the back of her skull but she was trying her best to not show it. "I'll be right back," she said to him as she walked out of his office and made her way to her terminal.

She sat down and began getting his schedule together on a travel PADD. Looking at the screen, the pain was once again becoming unbearable. It seemed as if a taut rope were pulling tighter and tighter along the back of her neck and spine. She couldn't understand how that hypo wore off so quickly, she had only just taken it less than an hour before. If anything, the hypo should have had more effect as time went on, not less!

She walked back into Telvin's office and gave him the PADD with his schedule, turned to walk back out. Before she could make it through the door of his office, the pain suddenly doubled and caused her knees to buckle. She braced herself with one hand on the wall and thankfully was able to keep in the sound of pain trying to escape her mouth.

She never knew Telvin could move that fast! The older man was standing just behind her almost instantly, holding her up. "Young Shanna?" he asked, obviously very concerned about her. "Come, sit," he said as he guided her to the nearest chair.

As soon as she sat down, "I'm fine," she tried to get up.

"Kroykah! Fa wak tor du ra karthau!" he chastised as he forced her to sit down. (Stop! You will do what I command!) "Sit down this instant!"

She couldn't believe such a frail looking form could generate such strength, but he was making her stay put simply from pushing her down into the chair and she actually couldn't move from the spot. "All right, I'll stay down," she promised as the pain in her head seemed to get even worse.

"You should return home at once and see to receiving proper medical care. Whom may I call at this time to make certain you do so?"

She swallowed back a frown. Now was as good a time as any. "Call Siranon."

Telvin's face shifted and he was then looking at her as if he knew it all. "I see." He went to the intercom. "Siranon, this is Telvin. My assistant says she is in need of you. Attend immediately!" he snapped.

Shanna wanted to put her head down and rest, but the moment she sat forward to put her head into her arms, the pounding in her cranium became worse so she sat straight back up. "This is the worst headache I have ever had," she declared as neutrally as possible, not to prevent looking bad in front of Telvin, but because she noticed excess emotion made her head feel even worse. The bright lights of the office were killing her, so she simply sat up with her head and neck as straight as possible and closed her eyes. And then the dizziness hit. "Oh hell no," she found herself muttering. "So it _can_ get worse?"

Siranon walked through the door. "What have you been doing with my assistant?" Telvin demanded to know.

"What has happened with her?" asked Siranon.

"It's just a bad headache, that's all," Shanna was saying.

"Young Shanna is in need of medical care but she is asking for you?" said Telvin. "May I ask why? Have you engaged in improper telepathic contact with her?"

"The contact was not improper since she is now my wife. Did you not call me to attend her?"

"Could you guys stop talking for a minute?" Shanna cringed. "The sounds are hitting me in the head."

Telvin's demeanor changed instantly. "Take her over to the embassy to see the Healer this minute. In fact, beam over with her. I shall take your place with Sarek today."

"I thank you," Siranon said quickly as he assisted Shanna to her feet and walked her out of Telvin's office.

"This really isn't necessary," she was insisting. "I should just go home and go to bed or something. I should have bought the Klingon strength hypo," she halfway joked, trying to get out of seeing the Healer.

As soon as they walked out of Telvin's office, Shanna immediately tried to pull away from Siranon and walk on her own. She knew what was proper and what was not and she knew that he would not want to be seen in public with someone having physical contact with him.

But to her surprise, he grabbed her back to him. "You are not only injured, but it is due to my negligence," he said halfway chastising her for pulling away. But beneath it, she could sense he was palpably angry with himself.

"What?" she asked, confused. "Injured? Your negligence? What are you talking about?" she whispered as she gratefully leaned on him.

Already, people were staring and worried. One wound up asking, "Shanna, are you sick?"

"Sure as hell am," she answered dizzily.

"I'll help," said another well-meaning co-worker, Richard Miller. "You can go back to work, Siranon. Where you need to go, Shanna? Embassy doctor?"

"I have her," Siranon said as he continued walking.

"Didn't figure them to be the touchy feely type," someone else muttered.

Telvin then took everyone's attention by standing in his doorway and announcing sharply, "Return to your duties. Siranon shall help his wife, as is proper."

Most of the heads whipped back around just in time to see the two already on their way out of the office door.

He walked her into the guard station on the first floor of the building. "Permission to transport over to the embassy med bay," he said to the guard on duty.

"Identification," said the Vulcan guard, since that was the protocol.

Siranon pulled his identi-swipe out of his pocket and gave it over to the guard whom cued it up immediately. "Come this way," the guard said on a nod once the proper details came up.

She was helped into the transporter room and then they both beamed over at once straight to the embassy Healer. As soon as they rematerialized, Shanna was hit with an even worse wave of dizziness and nearly dropped to her knees as Siranon picked her up quickly. "Bring her to me," said Sokam.

Shanna slowly opened her eyes to look up at the Healer after Siranon placed her on one of the bio beds. She had seen the Healer many times before, but never knew exactly who he was. He had the most peculiar copper colored eyes and she could definitely see a strong resemblance between him and Siranon. "I can tell you guys are related," she found herself saying since the headache was starting to make her slightly delirious.

Sokam's eyebrow rose as he looked down at Shanna. "Can you tell me of your core symptoms?" he nearly whispered knowing she was probably in a lot of pain.

"I've got a headache like I was kicked in the cranium after drinking too much while whippin' my hair back and forth at a Dilithium concert." She groaned as she was hit with another dizzy spell. "The room is turning one way and my stomach is spinning in the opposite direction. Thank goodness there's no breakfast in there to make a repeat performance."

Sokam looked at Siranon with amusement in his eyes. "She is colorful in her explanations."

He held himself back from smiling. "Sokam, this is my bondmate. Shanna, this is my cousin, the Healer."

"I shall determine if she is truly your bondmate," said the Healer in almost censure. The first thing Sokam did was dial the lighting down in the room by nearly half.

"Thank you," whispered Shanna, relieved that the lights were no longer stabbing her in the eyes.

"May I?" Sokam asked Shanna in a hushed voice as his hand rose to her head.

"Please," she practically begged. "Fix it."

Sokam placed both of his hands on her face for a little less than four seconds. "Hmm." He then faced Siranon and did the same thing.

He then put one hand each on both their faces at the same time, closed his eyes and concentrated.

As she lay there, the first thing Shanna felt was a deep sense of drowsiness. She felt like her head was soaring in the night sky with the clouds and cool rain and the dizziness was more pleasant than annoying. The pain then began to lessen with every second that passed. Slowly, the dizziness subsided and then left.

The couple felt the connection to one another being changed, switched out for different connections. The bond that was only there by several tenuous threads was now being strengthened. Shanna's nausea reduced rapidly and she was filled with amazement as she truly felt a mingling somewhere deep within of their three minds. Then the Healer withdrew. Siranon was still there, like a sleeping shadow. Warm, welcoming, hers…

It took less than five minutes for Sokam to repair whatever had gone wrong. As soon as he withdrew from their minds, he informed Siranona, "I must record this now as your official date of bonding."

His cousin nodded quickly. "Yes, of course."

Shanna went to sit up, but Sokam said, "You will remain lying down at this time. I could not help but notice, there are other concerns in your physiology that must be addressed."

"Other concerns?" she asked as she lay back again. "The headache is gone and so is the dizziness. I actually feel great now."

Sokam activated the bio bed she was lying in. "You are terribly sleep deprived…" he continued looking at her readings. "You are in the midst of a severe iron deficiency. And your daily caloric intake is just below what it should be." He looked at Siranon with a question on his face.

"I was not aware her health had been this thoroughly compromised," said Siranon.

"And now that you are, you shall take steps to make certain your wife remains in bed for the next 72 hours after I release her from my care."

Shanna couldn't believe that he was blaming Siranon for her condition! Her eyes widened. "That's three days. I have a job! I'm supposed to be finishing my packing so I can move! What about Ananda?"

Sokam was unmoved by her protestations. "You shall only rise for the next three days in order to clean yourself, change clothing and partake of meals," the Healer said as he looked pointedly at her. "I shall leave you two to work out the particulars at this time." Before he departed, he looked back at Siranon, "And she should only _rest_ while lying down."

After Sokam left, Shanna couldn't help but to laugh at that last sentence. "Why is he blaming you for my being sleep deprived and iron starved? It's not your fault."

Siranon sat next to her. "In our culture, the spouse is responsible for your direct health. I am responsible for yours and you are responsible for mine."

She shook her head. "We only just bonded, though."

"And I performed that quite unwell," he admitted.

"It's my fault," she sighed. "I pushed you into it."

He said, "No. It happened because I wanted it to happen overly much. I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment."

Shanna was struck speechless to hear such an admission. From that moment, things were changing in her mind concerning him and what he did or did not do concerning her. She saw she had significant influence over him and it scared her just the slightest. No man she had ever gone out with cared that much how she felt or what she wanted to the point of doing something detrimental to them both. "I'll be more careful. I promise."

"As shall I," he said as he looked down into her eyes.

She swallowed back concern. "So, um, he said something about this being our official date of bonding?"

Siranon nodded. "We are official and legally married according to our laws and customs now since he was the one that went in and adjusted things properly. He will go and enter it in the family archives at this time and he will also see about having us registered properly with Earth authorities."

Her mouth dropped open. "What about our wedding?"

"Perhaps next year this time on the anniversary of this date?"

Everything was so out of control and up in the air. And she didn't even care. She started to giggle then as a sense of high joy and almost manic elation washed over her. "What is this feeling?" she asked.

"It is called 'Muhl olau'es Telsu'." He sought for as close a translation as possible.

"'Bonding euphoria'?" she translated it herself since her Vulcan was quite passable. Feelings of elation and happiness spilled from her as she started wiping tears from her face. "Do you feel it too?"

He looked down into her eyes as he could no longer control the slight grin at one side of his mouth. "I do." He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. "Yes, _ashal-veh_, I do."


	11. Chapter 11

Eleven

Picking up Ananda and having to explain to her mother that she had gotten very sick at work and had been ordered by the embassy doctor to stay in bed for three days was the easy part. Explaining that she was going home with Siranon for those three days was the hard part.

"So you'll be_ resting_?" her mother asked with an obvious wink at her. Her mother just couldn't help it. "Oh, I'm sure you will be!" she teased. Then she winked at the Vulcan standing behind her daughter.

"Mom, oh my goodness mom, it is _so _not like that!" Shanna said, horribly embarrassed.

"I hope it _is_ like that," said Mrs. Castillo. She looked at her daughter's Vulcan, the grin on her face not diminishing. "Poor Shani doesn't get out much, can you tell? Don't hold that against her."

Siranon found himself extremely amused. "Tell me more," he requested.

Shanna looked at him as if she had been horribly betrayed. "Don't egg her on!"

"Well," Mrs. Castillo launched into everything she wanted to say, "my Shani is so good that before she dated that snake ex of hers, if we lived in Ancient Rome, she could have been a vestal virgin. I was never that good, you see."

"Mom!" Shanna said, horrified. She turned and went into the bedroom to have a look at Ananda. If she could just pick her up, they could be on their way. But when she went inside the room, she saw that the baby girl was still sleeping. Great! Now they would have to wait before they could leave! And Siranon would find things out she would rather keep to herself. She rushed back out before her mother could say another word. "Tea, anyone?"

"You should not be standing," Siranon counseled as he directed her to sit on her mother's designer couch. "The Healer was very clear in his instructions. Though it is not possible at this time, you should be in bed."

"Well I can't get in bed until we go to your place-"

Her mother coughed exaggeratedly while Siranon interjected, "Home. It is no longer only 'my place', it is your home now, as well."

"Not until next week," Shanna reminded him.

"Effective immediately, I am not allowing you out of my sight until your self-destructive habits have been addressed," he said as he sat down next to her.

Her mother stood there, the grin on her face growing larger. "That's right! Show that girl whose boss!"

Shanna wanted to scream. "I don't have 'self-destructive habits'," she said looking at him. Then she looked at her mother, "He is _not_ my boss!"

"She doesn't sleep enough," her mother gossiped to Siranon as if Shanna wasn't even sitting there.

"That's what happens when you have a baby!" Shanna said, annoyed. "You know, mom, you had one of those at one point!"

"I offer to keep the baby overnight all the time and she won't let me!" her mother complained to the Vulcan.

"Oh great, and if you get sick from being up all night or whatever, then I have to live with guilt?" Shanna was obviously offended.

"Her iron is below standard," Siranon spilled the beans to her mother. "And apparently she does not partake of meals on a regular basis."

"Not my fault!" Shanna insisted as she gave him a look that was saying 'stop talking to my mother about this'.

"Well now you shall have help," he said as he found her threatening look extremely attractive.

"And thank goodness, too!" her mother said, happy. "So am I coming by to keep an eye on Ananda from now on?" she asked.

"No, mom, there's a staff of nannies," said Shanna. "But if you want, you can come anytime you want and spend time with her and Henry. We've already spoken to the nannies about you so you can do that anytime you like."

"Oh, Henry!" gushed her mother. "I can't wait to meet that baby!"

"He shall be your grandchild," Siranon informed her. "By all means, you may come anytime you wish."

"Is Saturday still on?" asked her mother. "I need to catch up on my rest now and then I can come on Saturday and after that, I'm going on vacation!"

Shanna, at that moment, felt all of her annoyance melt away and she was suffused with true happiness. "Good, mom. I'm so glad you're going to get some rest and then go on vacation again."

Her mother smiled at the couple. "You two are just so _cute_ together! Wait right there and hold that pose. I'm going to get my holo-camera!"

##

Shanna found herself back at Siranon's, fed and in his bed by 1 p.m. He deposited Ananda with the nannies and told them of his new wife's being told to stay down and rest.

He returned and sat next to her as she lay in bed. "This is boring," she informed him.

He wondered if she forgot he could now detect not just her thoughts, but how she truly felt. And she was most certainly very tired. "Shanna, you must rest. And I must return to work at this time."

She smiled at him, delighted. "Go ahead! Go to work. I'll just," she sat up, "watch a little vid-net and-"

He produced a hypo seemingly from nowhere and administered it to her neck. He had seen her objectives very clearly. She meant to go across the house the moment he was gone and spend the rest of the day, up and with the children.

She looked at him, shocked. "What did you just give me?"

"Sokam anticipated your stubbornness. Apparently, human females are known for such proclivities."

"Oh, and Vulcan males aren't?"

"Touché," he said with half a bow. "The hypo I have given you has an iron component to help build your blood back up to where it belongs. It also has a tranquilizing effect."

She could already tell that she needed to lie down. "What a bully," she muttered.

He half smiled. "Thank you. You shall now most assuredly rest in my absence. After receiving an adequate amount of rest, it will only allow you to be up for one hour at a time before your being forced to rest, wherever you may be. Do not get caught away from this bed for longer than one hour."

"We'll talk about your controlling tendencies later," she said as her eyes began to droop.

He found himself perturbed that she had said that about him. "I am acting under doctor's orders!"

She laughed as her eyes drifted shut. "Did that little sentence bother you?" she dug it in deeper. "Good," was her last word as she fell into a deep sleep.

The next three days seemed to blend, one into the other. Shanna would awaken every night a total of three times since it seemed her body was conditioned to do that despite the sedative mixed with her iron each day. Her states of wakefulness never lasted longer than a few seconds, at least. The first awakening would involve her finding Siranon sitting up next to her in bed, working on his PADD.

The second time, he would be sitting on his floor in the deepest of meditations in his robes with the incense on low. And the last time awakening, she would open her eyes in the wee hours of the morning to feel him scooted up into the back of her, spooned tightly, his arm around her waist, hand over her stomach, his face buried in the back of her neck breathing steadily in sleep. Her hair would be thrown over her shoulder and, she presumed, out of his face.

The first time she woke up with him scooted up into the back of her like that, she was more than a little bit surprised. She melted into the front of him and he pulled her even closer to him in his sleep. Before she could think about it too much, a deep feeling of love and contentment washed over her as sleep would take her under again.

Each of those three days of rest, she would wake up in the mornings and shower, have breakfast and visit with the babies. She would wind up back in bed after that. She had the same routine for every meal. Wake up, eat, see the babies, get back into bed.

When Friday evening came around, she found herself able to more than just sit up in bed. She got up, got showered and got dressed. She realized her doctor-imposed 72 hours was up.

Since Siranon was not back from the embassy yet, she went to the nursery and spent time with Ananda and Henry. The babies were, as usual, glad to see her. She was able to play with them for a little while.

Reianna was there with them. She was close in age to Shanna and as a result, it was much easier for her to speak to her. Out of nowhere, the Betazoid said to her, "Would you stop worrying about your job? As far as I was told by Siranon, you never take any time off."

Shanna looked surprised. "Were my thoughts that loud?"

"You've giving me a headache," she joked. T'Lera and Miss Tyler came in then and Reianna greeted them first and then turned back to Shanna. "Have you had a proper tour of the house yet?"

She realized, "No, I haven't."

"Perfect! It's time for me to go home, but I have an hour to spare."

Shanna's eyes widened. "An hour?"

"Let's just say there are parts of this house you're going to want to linger in."

##

They began their tour on the ground floor of the house. "Of course, you know the entrance," she waved that off. "Grand foyer, echo chamber situation," Reianna grinned at her. "You've been through that left door and you've been straight back down the center corridor… but what's through the right door?" she asked her as she pointed to a hallway off to the right.

To the left, she knew, were the kitchens. And to the back, she knew, was a hallway that led to the playroom for the children and the stairwell to the second floor bedroom. "What is to the right?" she asked.

Reianna beckoned for her to follow. They walked down the right hallway and there were two doors. Reianna opened the door nearest them on the right and then they partway entered it. "Guardroom and communication center," she said.

As Shanna stuck her head in, her eyes bugged. There were about ten guards in there in various stages of conversation and monitoring cameras of the outside of the property. "Hello," she said hesitantly as she saw that at least half the men were Vulcans.

They all stood then and in unison, "My lady," they all greeted her.

"I'm giving her Ladyship a tour of the house," said Reianna almost casually as Shanna stuck her head back out of the door quickly.

"Guards?" Shanna asked.

Reianna took her hand in hers. "This is an important family you've married into. I don't think Siranon told you just how important they are. And he's not one of the higher members, but he's high enough. He should have told you. But I suspect to him it's just not that important," she said as she led her to the door at the end of the hall. She pointed to it and said, "Emergency exit and gardens."

"Can we see them?" asked Shanna.

Reianna grinned at her. "I don't think you get it. This is _your_ house now. You can do whatever you want."

Shanna went to the door and peeked out. There were gardens, indeed. And she could see it was a large yard with a large row of English hedges. Maybe they were separating them from the property next door? She couldn't tell.

They walked outside for a couple of minutes as Shanna examined the garden. It was well-kept. There were flowers and plants as far as the eye could see. "The greenhouse upstairs—well more like the hothouse- it holds the Vulcan habitat," said Reianna as she stood there and smiled, watching Shanna enjoy her surroundings.

"We should go back into the house," said Shanna.

Reianna nodded. She could sense that Shanna was in a perpetual state of anxious worry. She didn't say anything about that because she knew the lady would be upset that she could tell that much about her.

They walked back into the house, up the hallway and back into the grand foyer. They went to the left hallway then and Reianna gave her a thorough tour of the kitchens and where everything happened to be. Shanna finally met the kitchen staff that was in another section that she had not seen before. There were five of them, three Vulcan and two humans.

They went through the back of the house to the section where the kids playroom and the stairwell upstairs happened to be. Shanna recognized where she was instantly. "This is where my internal map kicks in."

Reianna nodded. "It's remarkable, that ability you have. You told me you only have to see something once and then it's in there?"

"It's in there," she nodded. "I now have the entire downstairs and the yard catalogued in my head."

"Let's go onto the second floor, then."

The second floor Shanna already mostly knew. It was Siranon's room, the nursery, an office space, three other unoccupied bedrooms that Reianna told her would ultimately become a bedroom for Henry and one for Ananda as they grew. "And that third bedroom," she grinned mischievously, "is for the baby you and Siranon will have."

Shanna laughed out loud. "Have you been talking with my mother?"

There was an additional bedroom with a large bed. "This one's just waiting to be decorated," said Reianna. "This is your room."

"My room?" she asked.

Reianna grinned. "I grew up in a Great House of Betazed. This room is for when you're pissed off at your husband and can't stand the sight of his face for one more minute."

Shanna looked at her, curious. "Why would you become a nanny if you grew up in a Great House?"

The Betazoid shrugged. "I love children and I wasn't ready to have any of my own yet. I got put out of my house for a few years and wound up becoming a nanny for a time. When I was accepted back in, I just found I couldn't stop taking care of children. And with my references, my background and who I was, High Houses the galaxy over wanted to hire me."

"Why did you get put out of your house?" asked Shanna. "I'm sorry! That's none of my business," she instantly added.

"No! It's all right," Reianna waved it off. "I had an affair with the wrong man. His family didn't mind, but mine did so they put me out. So off I was for a time on an adventure."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry for me," she said as she took her hand and smiled. "I was never in want, never destitute. Those are the ones we should feel sorry for. I had a generous friend who gave me a position and I found a talent I didn't know I had." She smiled happily. "In a way, I'm a little grateful I was put out. I'd never have realized how much I enjoyed taking care of children."

Shanna nodded. "All right."

Reianna grinned. "Onto the third floor!"

They went up the stairs and the third floor contained three separate rooms. One was the hothouse Reianna had mentioned with the flora from Vulcan. It was more like a habitat that looked a little like the desert. "Some of the staff come up here when it's just too cold and they can't take it anymore," she said.

Shanna could see why. They stood in the middle of the habitat and it was much HOTTER in there than the rest of the house. "I went to Vulcan when I was younger and it _is_ hot like this."

"Vulcans control their thoughts very well, but the one thing I usually catch off of most of them is that it's damned cold on this planet!"

They laughed about that for a few seconds and then left the habitat room. They crossed over then to a door that led to another hot part of the house. "Wow! What is this?" asked Shanna as her eyes grew wide. There was a standing deep pool of hot water in a room that was recreated to look as if it were the inside of a cave.

"This is the Jacuzzi," said Reianna as she crossed over to the wall panel and pressed a button. The water began to bubble. "The water is actually piped in from an underground spring and has beneficial minerals in it. It's said to be good for aching bones and certain ailments. It just feels good!" she laughed. "I've been here since Henry came, but I've only gotten in it twice, both times with Miss Tyler. I could feel her relief when she got into the water since it helped her arthritis. The staff is allowed to use this room during certain hours only. The rest of the time is for you and Siranon and we're not to even walk in here during those hours."

"I didn't even know this room existed!"

"I know!" Reianna grinned. "I think you need to take a dip. You could use it! Let's get onto the last room up here."

They climbed into a turbolift and it went up one level. They exited into a plain looking media room. "This is where you can watch movies if you want. Or-" Reianna pressed a button on the wall. "You can watch this."

The domed room darkened and the ceiling became transparent as Shanna found herself watching the night sky. "Oh my," she whispered with wonderment.

"Now, Lady Shanna," said Reianna. "I'm only going to be with you for the next two years."

She looked over at her. "Why?"

"Well I've got an arranged marriage back home that's going to come due and after that, this aspect of my life is done."

"Betazoids arrange marriages?"

She grinned. "We certainly do."

"Is that why you got kicked out of your family for that affair?"

"It certainly was!" she grinned even wider.

Shanna realized then that Reianna was a lot like her mother in her youth. Completely inappropriate. "I can't wait to meet her," the Betazoid woman smiled wider at catching the thoughts about Shanna's mother. "So what do you think of the home?"

Shanna sighed and nodded. "It's big."

"Do me a favor? Some sections are boring as tar. Please decorate." Shanna grinned widely as Reianna sighed and said, "I'm off for the weekend. Now listen, you need to hire a fourth nanny as soon as possible."

"A fourth?"

"We have two children now, not one," she reminded her. "So start looking as soon as possible."

"I'll do that."

"I knew Miss Tyler from when I was younger," said Reianna. "And T'Lera, well she seems stiff, but she's really all right. She helped raise Siranon, actually."

Shanna's eyes widened. "Oh."

"I'm off now! I've got a girls night out planned with some friends."

"Have a drink for me," smiled Shanna.

Reianna grinned. "Yes, I will!"

##

As soon as Reianna left, Shanna looked at the schedule for that hotroom Jacuzzi. From what she could tell, the evenings were a part of the hours that only her and Siranon could use it. So she ran and immediately got into a pair of shorts and a tank top and went back up there. She flipped the switch and put in a message to the nannies of where she was at.

"Very good, miss," said Miss Tyler. "About time you used it."

Shanna sank into the hot bubbling water and was relaxing into the heat after a few seconds. She found herself groaning as the tension in her body started to lift. Everything she was worried about, all of the concerns speaking at the back of her mind slowly began to drift away, one by one.

She was in the water for less than fifteen minutes when the door opened and Siranon walked in, still dressed in his embassy clothing. "You are out of bed," was the first thing he said as he stood next to the sunken pool of water.

She grinned up at him, face full of mischief. "Is that the first thing you have to say to me after being away all day?"

His eyebrow rose as he watched her in the hot water. She was very relaxed, he could see. "On second thought, perhaps it is better for you to be here. You are not tiring yourself out."

"That and it's been 72 hours already."

"Shanna-" he began.

"Get in with me," she smiled up at him. She stood up out of the water but didn't realize her tank top had become transparent and Siranon's eyesight was perfect in the half darkness of the room. His eyes instantly zeroed in on what he could see below the now transparent top and he was swallowing then.

"You are unwell," he said as he turned away, trying to talk himself out of his growing arousal. "You should be in bed."

"With you?" she teased. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! It's time for me to get out of here anyway. This place is so hot up here! But it's very relaxing."

Siranon quickly picked up the towel she placed on a hook installed in the wall. He placed the towel around her fully just in case any of the hall cameras were activated. He wrapped her like a mummy, almost.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm not a sardine!"

"You are in a state of undress."

"It's just shorts!"

"Your shirt is transparent due to the water."

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. "For real?" she whispered.

"Let us go back to the room as soon as possible. It is very warm here and I do not wish for you to take ill when we reach the coolness of the hallways."

"I am not an invalid!" she complained as she followed him out of the room and downstairs.

He made her get into pajamas and into bed as soon as they entered the bedroom. She huffed as he put the covers up over her. "You know I can get out of bed and have a regular day tomorrow, right?"

He didn't answer. He simply looked at her in censure.

She shook her head. "Well it's been 72 hours already, I should be able to be up and about."

"The sedative is still in your system and you are not yet up to par. And it is the evening. You should be resting."

She lay in bed wondering if he was going to be one of 'those' husbands. "Is this a Vulcan thing or something?"

"I am supposed to see to your well-being at all times."

She was really confused but she was also not ready to have a long discussion about the things that were confusing her. "On second thought, good night." She lay down and pulled the covers up over herself.

He seemed to be very satisfied by that relatively quick surrender!

##

Shanna woke up in the middle of the night next to Siranon, once again, scooted up into the back of her. She was very happy to be lying there with him. And she also happened to be very wide awake and curious about her new husband. Who knew when they'd get a descent honeymoon in?

One of his legs was basically imprisoning hers. She concentrated and she could feel the essence that was him inside her mind. She physically scooted back into him some more, shifting her backside suggestively and then started to run her legs over his a tiny bit at a time. He began to moan and stir a little and she could feel his hand reflexively grab at her hip in his sleep.

She was grinning by then as she turned over and started kissing him in his sleep. He responded, on instinct, quite eagerly and pretty soon he was awake and ripping at her pajamas. The blankets and everything else in their bed quickly found its way onto the floor and the only thing she could hear him saying was not in Federation Standard English.

All she could think was: Mission Accomplished!


	12. Chapter 12

Twelve

When Shanna woke up the next morning, she found herself stretching almost luxuriously as the sun opened her eyes. She saw Siranon lying next to her, wide awake, with an almost accusatory squint to his glance as she experienced the wonderfully sore-all-over sensation of what had happened between them. "Good morning," she greeted with a huge grin.

"You are very satisfied with yourself," he said in almost censure.

"And you weren't last night?" she asked with a too relaxed grin. "I was there. You sounded very satisfied to me."

He found himself frustrated that she was not taking this seriously! "I was not supposed to engage you in such activity until-"

"But you didn't!" she said, her grin still not able to turn off. "_I _engaged _you_. So it's not your fault, right?"

"Wife, might I remind you that you were unwell and under doctor's orders not to engage in strenuous activity for the better part of-" his mind turned to mush. His new wife had leaned over and was beginning to administer tiny kisses and bites to his bicep. Try as he might to not do so, he was enjoying it.

"You were saying?" she whispered as she got up, sat down slowly into his lap and began placing tiny bites on his neck.

There was not another coherent word by either one of them until an hour later.

##

After they showered and ate, since they weren't scheduled to go over to her mom's for a few more hours, they got the babies dressed and took them to the Farmer's Market.

Since he was lighter in weight and Siranon was insisting on her taking a lighter load, Shanna had Henry strapped to her chest. It was inordinately sweet to her to have the tiny boy on the front of her. She experienced an inner thrill as she finished adjusting the sling on the front of her as Siranon held Ananda in his arms. They were a family now. She felt the overwhelming urge to laugh with joy and start crying. "I'm just so happy!" she found herself gushing, still coasting on that leftover euphoric effect of their recent bonding.

"Yes, my wife," said Siranon as he looked into her eyes. "I, too, am experiencing an overabundance of emotional reverberation." She laughed at the way he had put that and they got out of the hover-limo, fingers clasped together while holding the babies with their free arms.

It was a strange situation for Shanna once they began to walk about the Farmer's Market. Vulcan guards tailed them everywhere they went. After a time, she was almost able to forget they were there. Everything they bought, Siranon handed back to a guard whom took it back to the limo.

After purchasing every manner of fruit and vegetable to make Ananda's purees and to use for the family diet in general, Shanna found herself looking at a stand with some amazing handmade quilts hanging in the warm breeze. She had a quiet moment almost alone as she stared at the mural-like motifs on each quilt. She had told the guard left with her he didn't have to tail her and he respectfully nodded once, stood off to the side and waited. She walked around the back of one of the lovely quilts as the sun touched her face.

Henry was sleeping peacefully against her and she found herself pulling him close and smelling the top of his head not for the first time. A strange overwhelming sense of love invaded her for the baby and she found herself stupidly joyful as she came back around the other side of the quilt and looked across the Farmer's Market at Siranon still holding Ananda in his arms while haggling vigorously with some other stall person.

"Shanna?" she heard a voice asking curiously. Her eyes widened as she turned to see a face from her past. It was, of all people, her ex, Willem. He was still tall and nice looking of course with those ice blue eyes and his same signature slick hairstyle. "What are you doing here?" he asked. He seemed amazed to see her.

He knew she came to the Farmer's Market very often! He was the one who stopped coming to this one when they broke up and started going to the one across town. "I still come as often as I can," she said casually, wondering what he was playing at.

He looked down at the lump on the front of her. "Is that the baby I heard you got? I'm real sorry about your cousin." He looked sincere, too.

She smiled. "Thanks. Um, no, she's over there," she pointed. "That's her. Her name is Ananda. This is the boy I'm in the process of-" she thought about it, "—adopting."

He looked amazed. "Oh wow. What's she doing with that Vulcan dude? And what is it with all these Vulcan guards out here?"

"Oh, that's just my husband holding Ananda," she tried to say casually, but she still felt a severe stab of -_JOY!_- at the thought. She realized the meld euphoria was still very much present and she found she couldn't keep a grin off of her face.

Willem frowned. "What do you mean? Married? And adopting babies? When did all this stuff happen?"

She found she wanted to frown, but was totally incapable, so she just grinned. "Well I haven't seen you in a while, so it happened during then I guess. Life goes on, right?"

"I came here today," he admitted, "to see if I could reconnect with you since I know you come here a lot of Saturdays. I heard about your cousin dying and I felt kind of bad I never said anything to you. I see now it was a stupid idea," he said with open regret on his face.

She found herself falling back into the old pattern of trying to make him feel better whenever she inadvertently 'hurt' him. "I'm sorry, Willem. I had no idea you came here looking for me today." She paused for a second. "How's Lewis?"

"He's fine," was all Willem would say about that.

Siranon's radar engaged at about that point since he was done with his haggling. He stalked over to the other side of the Farmer's Market. "I am Siranon," he said as he walked up to his wife and whoever the male was who was speaking with her. Whoever he was, Siranon felt an instinctual dislike for him. He felt a pressing need to hand Ananda over to Shanna and then punch the male in his head. But of course he refrained from indulging that part of his instincts.

"I'm Willem," he said as he offered the Vulcan his hand.

Siranon's head didn't move, only his eyes as they flicked down to look at the hand being offered him. "You," was the only word he said in answer as his eyes shifted back to the man's face. Was this the Willem that had badly damaged his Shanna in the past? It bothered him that he was still unsure of the exact particulars of that wounding. This was the ex-fiancé that was making it still difficult for his wife _**HIS WIFE**_ to fully trust him! In Siranon's mind, that meant that this man still held some part of her and that was unacceptable.

You could tell from the look on Willem's face that he felt slighted by not getting his hand extended shaken by the other man. Still looking at Siranon, Willem said, "So desperate to get married you took anything that came along, Shanna?"

In a split second, her euphoria was gone and her deep dislike for him resurfaced. Her icy tone uttered, "No. Having been repeatedly mistreated, I fell into the arms of the first _descent_ man I've ever met in my_ life_." Saying nothing more, she hugged Henry close to her and turned, walked away.

Siranon stood there giving Willem a death-glare.

"What? Do you happen to have something you want to say to me?" he asked the Vulcan threateningly.

"Yes. Speak not one word more to my wife. I do not care where or how you come across her. Not one more word." Siranon turned and walked away, one of Ananda's little fists clinging to his robe while she sucked on the fingers of the other hand.

Willem yelled at his retreating back as he began to follow, "As if you'd do something about it!" And then there was a Vulcan guard in his face. "Hey, man, what are you doing?!" Willem said, surprised.

"You will not pursue any family member of the Vulcan embassy staff, sir. Kindly step back."

##

Siranon quickly entered the family section of the limo to see Shanna hurriedly wiping tears from her face. She had already strapped Henry back into his safety seat as she tried to act as if everything were okay. "Ready to go back home and put the stuff away before we run to my mom's?" she asked.

He looked at her and wondered, what had happened in that relationship? The door closed behind them and they had privacy as they heard the rest of the guards getting into the vehicle. He strapped Ananda into her seat and at first, nothing was said.

He found himself growing angrier at the thought, she was keeping things from him concerning that male he had just encountered. She did not seem to understand. There was no reason to hold onto those things any longer. She was with HIM now. "Will you persist in not telling me what transpired between yourself and _that male _in the past?" he finally asked after the vehicle had been moving for five minutes.

Shanna's eyes closed tiredly. "Well are you going to tell me what happened with your first wife? Like what happened for real?"

He looked at her, amazed. "I never indicated that-"

"Something happened between you two. You started out in a marriage that you said was fine, you started out compatible and then things weren't fine? And- and that's it? That's never 'it'. There's more to that story."

He admitted to himself, there was so much more to it. And he considered her request. It was only fair, if he demanded to know what had happened between her and Willem, he needed to tell the story of what happened between him and his former wife. She was correct. It was a fair exchange, after all. And then there was that other thing he should really tell her about as soon as possible. _Pon Farr…_ "We have much to discuss," he admitted.

She shook her head. "We're both keeping secrets, I know it. I can admit that now."

And he nodded. "Yes."

"So?"

"You wish to know when we shall discuss these secrets."

"Yes."

He knew then that neither one of them could avoid discussing the past any longer. Or the future. "Next week, the embassy is closed both Thursday and Friday. Would you consent to the two of us going on an excursion together?"

She looked down at Henry who was already beginning to stir uncomfortably. She realized he needed to be changed after all of that time asleep. Ananda was wide awake and playing with her fingers while vocalizing softly. Was she singing? "What about the babies?" asked Shanna.

"We may bring them with us along with their nannies or we may leave them here. It depends on how long we are away."

She frowned. "Is this a honeymoon we're going on?"

"Ah, yes," he remembered, "the human custom of the couple being alone to cement the new union. I agree with this custom."

She sighed. "Well I guess we can think about whether we bring the kids and a staff for them or whatever. But I think it's time we talked about these past issues… the both of us."

He knew he needed to discuss more than that, but he would hold it until then. "Yes, you are correct."

For him to come out and say it like that, she had a terrible feeling he was keeping a HUGE secret from her. What was it?

And for him, all he knew was that some other male was taking up space in his wife's mind. And it was starting to eat at him.

##

They returned home with the produce. The guards brought the perishables in that had been purchased from the market to the kitchen staff while Siranon and Shanna took the babies upstairs themselves, cleaned them up, fed them and lay them down for naps. They left them with the nannies and then went down to have a meal. Her mother sent her a message asking if she was still coming in two hours. She responded that they were.

She realized that he kept looking at her strangely from the moment they returned home, but she couldn't tell from the bond what he was thinking about. She still didn't know how to navigate the bond, but she could feel a slight bit of upheaval there where before he had been calm, tranquil. And she kept finding her husband, staring at certain point… staring…

As soon as they made it upstairs to his bedroom and closed the door, Siranon pulled her into his arms and started kissing her with an intensity she truly had not seen coming. The now nearly expert moves of his mouth and tongue was starting to coax feelings from her that she thought it wasn't possible to feel so quickly after the night before and that morning.

Instantly aroused she asked, "What's happened to you?" between hot open-mouthed kisses.

"_Ashal-veh!_" he said, his voice laced with heat as he lifted her into his arms and pretty much melded his hands to her backside as he began to grind against her. "I beg, attend me_ now_!"

She did, right then and there.

Afterward, in the double shower, it began again when he decided to try and help her soap up. The only coherent memory she had later was him saying something about wasting water in a most delightful manner.

##

They were in a different, larger limo than before. This one was a shuttle. Shanna was most certainly exhausted and by then extremely sore all over. She felt like her body had been impacted repeatedly by a heavy vehicle. She counted in her mind how many times her and Siranon had been intimate in the past 12 hours. Four. She looked over at him, slightly confused. There was no one else in the back of the shuttle with them. The children were in another safer, middle part of the shuttle strapped into special harness equipment with a nanny sitting between them.

"What happened to you today to make you so amorous after the farmer's market?" she asked.

He sighed. It came a little too close to the conversation they were going to have the following week, but he supposed he could tell her a little of it now. "You were standing in close proximity to a man from your past today. It triggered that other side of me that I try my best to keep at bay at all times." He admitted, "I see now I will have to meditate more often, deeper, in order to keep him in control where you are concerned."

"So the other side, what? Had to put his mark on me?" she asked as she thought about the huge bite mark on her hip. She had been shocked and slightly frightened when he bit her there, but having him pour his considerable telepathic talents over her while he bit her had made the experience much more pleasant than it should have been. She was surprised at herself, that she enjoyed such brutality. No one else had ever done something like that. Well, she realized, no one else had ever had a chance to do anything like that to her except for Willem, and he had had not one original move she now realized.

"It was either put my mark on you or kill him. I cannot fight the instinct now," he admitted.

She frowned. "And immediately afterward, in the shower?"

His eyes bored into hers. "The sight of you with soap and water pouring down your skin was too much provocation."

Was she getting turned on _again_? She knew she couldn't survive one more carnal act between them so soon. She looked away from him and tried to appear to be looking out at the passing scenery.

He turned her face back to look at him. "Do not look away from me," he whispered. "I speak the truth." He realized something then, something plenty had probably told her, but she had yet to believe. "You are beautiful to behold. Do you not know?"

She swallowed back surprise and concern and found herself falling back on his culture to try and stop him from saying such a thing. "It is not logical to-"

"-to acknowledge that the sight of you causes me to want to take you into a private place and claim you repeatedly?" he asked. The air surrounding them was permeated with his almost tangible need for her. He was the one who looked away then. "I shall attempt to control myself for the time being."

Shanna sat back in her seat wondering if this was actually normal. She could feel Siranon's arousal eating away at her. As seconds turned to minutes, she could sense his control casting a net over his desire, reining it in. She finally dared to look over at him and saw that his eyes were closed in meditation. Not wanting to make matters worse, she forced herself to think about something else that had nothing to do with bedrooms, soapy hot showers or being naked. She didn't quite have command over the bond yet and she didn't want to inadvertently send him a mental picture that would put him back at the edge of that cliff.

##

Only herself, Siranon and the two babies went into her mother's house. Inside the shuttle remained one nanny, the pilot and one guard. Just outside her mother's door were two guards. Shanna wondered when everything had become so 'official'. "Why do we need the guards?" she asked before they entered her mother's home.

"Anyplace the children go, we bring them," he admitted. "I wanted to assign someone to you, as well."

"No."

"You do not realize, you are my wife now and my clan is powerful. Someone could attempt to hurt me or even them by hurting you."

She found herself shaking her head. "If I'm on embassy grounds, which our home happens to be, right?"

"Correct."

"There's no reason to have one there."

"No."

"And what about at work? That's directly IN the embassy."

"No, not there, either."

"At the Farmer's Market today, I mean, they were there with us, but I didn't get the impression anyone was going to try to do anything to me." She noticed when she said that, his jaw clenched. She realized he was thinking of Willem. "Let's talk about this later, all right?"

"Yes, later," he agreed.

##

As soon as they entered, her mother was there to hug and kiss Ananda. Lisa was there with her toddler, Gino and she hung back for the time being while Shanna's mother met Henry. "Look at this pretty boy!" she cooed at him.

Siranon was confused. "Can a male be described as 'pretty'? Is that not a descriptor used solely for females?"

Her mother smiled at her handsome son-in-law. "You never heard the expression, 'he's prettier than me'?"

"No," the Vulcan said.

"Well, when a man or a boy is so gorgeous he could maybe probably be mistaken for a woman if you gussy him up just right in heels and a skirt with some make-up, he's pretty."

Siranon frowned again, even more confused. "Is this generally considered a compliment?"

"Yes, usually, depending on the man," Shanna answered that time.

Siranon was trying to grasp the concept. "So if you tell a male he could make a convincing drag queen-"

Lisa laughed out loud, not able to help it. Shanna hugged her friend then. "This person standing back here trying to be patient is my girl, Lisa!"

She smiled as she met him and then melted at the sight of Henry. "He is just so beautiful! I could chew on his cheeks!"

Siranon's eyes widened as his hand went to cover Henry's face. Shanna laughed out loud as she assured him, "That's just an expression!"

Everyone laughed as Lisa pulled her son forward. "This mischievous boy is Gino. Giovanni, but we call him 'Gino' for short."

Siranon stooped down to look into the boy's eyes. "It is nice to meet you, young man."

Gino smiled shyly and then ran behind his mother's leg, peeking out from behind it at the Vulcan curiously.

Siranon stood. "He looks to be in good health."

Shanna leaned down. "Gino, give auntie a kiss!"

Gino ran from behind his mother's leg, kissed Shanna on the cheek quickly and then ran back behind his mother.

Shanna's mother insisted on taking Henry and spending a little bit of time with him. Shanna took Ananda and sat down with her since she was feeling tired from her 'excess activities' with Siranon earlier.

"Potty, mommy," Gino was saying.

"Oh, potty! Potty!" Lisa said and then rushed him to the bathroom.

It was a pleasant day at her mother's house. Siranon, at one point, found himself in conversation with only Lisa. "How long have you known Shanna?" he asked.

"We met in our last year of high school," she said as she smiled at the memory. "We were both excited because we'd been accepted into the pilot program over here for the new Vulcan Studies courses. Originally they were just going to open it at the University of Maine, but then when it finally went through they had it there, UCLA and then they decided to put it in as a pilot at three community colleges across the country. Her and I both were chosen from our school." She smiled some more and then sighed. "We had to take all of these tests and we were the only ones chosen. I still don't know why we were picked and everyone else from our school that went out for it happened to be rejected."

"Intelligence?" he suggested.

She shook her head. "I've got no illusions about myself. I know I'm average… okay, maybe slightly above average," she laughed at her own joke. But she looked over at Shanna. "That girl there never likes to talk about it, but she's a damned genius." She shook her head. "Do you know how fast she picked up the Vulcan language?"

Siranon shook his head.

"Oh!" Lisa exclaimed as she smiled, "It was disgusting! She was reading and writing it within six months."

He looked back over at his wife, only mildly surprised. An eidetic memory would come in handy while learning to read and write any language. What surprised him was, "I was not aware Shanna had the ability to read and write my language." He knew she could speak it, but finding out she knew such a deeper level caused him to wonder why she never said anything. And he knew given her memory skills, it was not something she would ever 'forget'.

"She sells herself short all the time," Lisa shook her head. "And our friends, our 'circle'," Lisa did air quotes, "except for two of us, they were nothing but a bunch of mean girls who always hated on her, her face, her eyes, her mind. So they used to take her apart piece by piece with words, trying to make her feel like she wasn't that important. But she knew how to give it back with those sharp words of hers!" Lisa smiled proudly.

Siranon saw Lisa was glad to walk down memory lane, so he mentioned, "We saw Willem today at the Farmer's Market."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, him, that jerk."

"I take it you do not like him."

Lisa sighed. "There are things that people do that sometimes I wonder how do they get away with that? That's him. He's a great big walking example of someone who gets away with just social wrong after social wrong. And he can. Because there's no law against being a jerk."

"How did my Shanna find herself in the clutches of his type?" he asked, not even in the realm of guilty for fishing for information out of one of her best friends.

Lisa looked over to make certain Shanna and Mrs. Castillo were deeply engaged in conversation enough to not hear what she said. She lowered her voice a little. "Her father was a little bit mean to her. Nothing was ever good enough for that man. I mean, look at her, gorgeous. You think he'd tell his little girl she's beautiful? No. He was critical of everything about her looks. Her weight, her clothes, how she wore her hair, even said snippy things about her virtue… which was still intact by the time_ he_ died."

"You believe this set her up for a pattern of mistreatment?" Siranon asked, trying to understand Shanna better since he had not engaged in any lengthy melds to see her memories.

"How your father treats you, if he's even around, for humans, anyway, that sets your confidence level for the rest of your life. So by the time Willem came around, smart, funny, good looking, attentive at first, she was ripe for the taking. And he took her." Lisa shook her head. "Bastard asked her to marry him, gave her a ring, then he cheated. But by then, it was already too late. The man had gotten what he really wanted."

Siranon intuitively realized what it was that had happened between Shanna and her ex at that point. "Did he attempt to keep her despite that?"

"Oh, he was calling and begging and sending flowers and," Lisa waved off the memory. "Loser. He claimed the woman he cheated with, that it was a one-time thing. Come to find out, no, it wasn't. He had been with her for months, had met her about three months after he met Shanna. It was terrible, watching her come apart after that. But you know what? In public? She never let anyone see her sweat. Because those harpies that were our so-called friends were looking for the cracks."

"She never revealed her pain to anyone?"

"Me. And her best friend back then who… well they had a falling out over her getting Ananda. And of course, her mother. That was it. Around then when all that awful was happening, I had just given birth to Gino a few months before." Lisa shook her head. "She would come to my house and we'd eat ice cream and watch movies and sometimes she'd just sit there and cry. And I felt awful. Because the nicest girl in the world was going through crap and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I mean, I asked her if she wanted to go and throw a brick through his window or something-"

Siranon looked at Lisa, in shock.

"She must not have warned you about me!" Lisa laughed. "But no, she wouldn't do it. He wasn't worthy of that kind of pining anyway. Especially since she was worried about maybe his kid getting hurt, so you know, she had a good point there, so we never did it."

Siranon's eyes widened. "Child? He had a child?"

Lisa sighed. "Ah, Shanna. You keep too much stuff to yourself. Willem had a son from a previous relationship and the woman had died. Shanna stepped up for that kid after the mother died and was like a mother to him. And when it all fell apart, I think most of her pain was for that boy." She looked close to tears herself. "He was like her son because he was so little when she met him. Can you imagine, you get a 2 year old and then things fall apart and now he's four? That's what happened. And then he was gone from her life. She went from making this boy sandwiches and soup and taking him to the park to…nothing. Just like that. She was traumatized and I know the boy was, too. She tried to see him, but Willem told her if she wouldn't be with him, she couldn't see the boy, either."

Siranon felt like a blow had been delivered to his chest. He thought of having Henry for two years and then someone coming along and saying he could not see him anymore. He looked over at Shanna. Now she had two children in her life that were still, technically, in danger of being taken from her. And yet he knew that this story was only the tip of the iceberg of what had happened between her and that substandard male. "Thank you for all that you've told me. It helps me to understand my wife better."

"You're a stand-up guy, I can tell," Lisa nodded in approval. "First time I saw Willem, couldn't stand him. Didn't know why, but I couldn't stand him. I've got a good feeling about you and her."


	13. Chapter 13

Thirteen

They went home relatively early to make certain the children were put to bed at their regular hour. The couple decided to take care of things with the babies themselves that night instead of allowing the nannies to do it. They fed them, bathed them and then got ready to put the children down to bed.

The nursery had new furniture added to it while Shanna had been forced to stay in bed on doctor's orders. From the looks of it, Siranon apparently decided he was going to spoil Ananda. He had purchased her a brand new white crib, dresser and armoire for her and her things. On second thought, Shanna realized the furniture looked too delicate and feminine and she had to wonder if Reianna and Miss Tyler had had something to do with its choosing.

The nursery Ananda and Henry slept in for the time being was massive, four times the size of a normal bedroom. Fortunately, it seemed her and the baby boy were becoming quickly used to being with one another.

Both adults both stood at Henry's crib that evening. Right before Siranon laid him down, Shanna brought Ananda close to him. "Say good-night to your brother," Shanna smiled. She held her closer to him so the girl could press her tiny lips to Henry's cheek. It wasn't a real kiss, but it was still adorable and Shanna couldn't resist laughing.

"She's almost 10 months of age," said Siranon as he watched. "And Henry is nearly 4."

"They're only six months apart. Pretty soon, he'll catch up to her," Shanna observed as the two children smiled and giggled at one another.

"Miss Tyler has informed me that the moment they awaken, they seek one another out through the bars of their cribs and have cryptic babbling sessions."

Shanna laughed at that as she leaned forward herself and kissed Henry as he cooed at the contact. "Good-night, baby boy," she smiled at him as he giggled up at her. Shanna left his crib to go and put Ananda down in hers.

"_Sleep true, my son_," Sirananon told the baby in Vulcan as he lay him down. He placed his fingers to Henry's psi-points and relaxed him so he could put himself to sleep and rest well throughout the night.

He then crossed over to where Shanna was putting down Ananda. "_Sleep well, my daughter_," he said. Just as he was about to put his hand to her psi-point, she reached up. They both thought she was about to strike his hand with a smack or rough his hand up with a wrenching hold, but she did not. Ananda placed her little fingers to Siranon's and then excitedly huffed out, "Dadada! Dada!"

Shanna's eyes welled up with tears. "Do you understand what she just called you?"

He shook his head. All he knew was the child was positively overflowing with loving exuberance toward him despite her tiredness.

"'Dada'," said Shanna. "That's 'daddy'! That's one of the first words most babies say, dada or mama."

His eyes held the babies as she smiled up at him. "So I am your father now, Ananda? That means I shall most assuredly have to go forward in my adoption of you to make it official."

Shanna smiled and put her arms around Siranon as he put his fingers to Ananda's psi-point to relax her into restfulness so she would sleep. She looked over and saw that already Henry's little eyes were drooping.

The two adults went and stood at the door of the nursery looking in at the children for a short time. "We have babies," Siranon whispered as if he only just realized what that meant. "Shall we make it three?" he asked as his eyes sought hers with a merry twinkle and his arms pulled her in closer to his warmth.

Shanna looked up at him with a huge grin as she melted into him. "Yes, but not right now!" she whispered. "We have to figure out how to juggle those two, hire another nanny and put the adoption process into motion. We've got a lot of work ahead of us."

Siranon allowed a smile to flirt with his lips. "My Shanna. Practical at all times- except where her health is concerned. You are exhausted. I can feel it. You must sleep now," he said as he began to walk them down the hallway. He pressed an alert signal to let the nanny on call know the children were now her domain. They continued walking until they came to his bedroom.

"Will you put me out and into my own bed this evening?" she teased. "Because I'll do it. I'll sleep in my own bed, you know, since you insist I should rest." She went to walk toward the bedroom she had yet to sleep in. "It's not decorated, but there's a bed in there. I saw it with my own two eyes."

He pulled her back to him and kissed her very well. "Your place is with me," he finally said after the kiss was done.

"But you're just going to make me _sleep_!" she protested. "Wouldn't you rather have me in a more compromising situation?"

"Yes, but it would be inexcusable to do so at this time. Come, wife. Sleep. You are in deep need of it."

"That's not the only thing I'm in deep need of," she said with a reluctant voice. But after her shower, she was asleep within three minutes.

##

The next day, they awoke and got ready to go over to the main part of the embassy where Sarek and Amanda lived.

"It was my idea to do this, right?" Shanna kept saying to herself in the bathroom mirror. "You'll be fine. Fine!" she kept telling herself. But as she looked in the mirror, every bad thing anyone had ever told her about herself, including herself, was rushing through her mind. She didn't understand how she could work with and around Vulcans for years and never feel intimidated or fearful of them. But the concept of meeting Vulcan in-laws? She was close to breaking out in a cold sweat. "I'm having a good old fashioned anxiety incident," she said to herself as she sat down on the floor with the shakes.

She closed her eyes and tried to calm down, but it wasn't working.

Siranon walked in then and stooped down to her level. "I can feel your level of panic. I assure you, it is unnecessary."

"Once this ball starts to roll downhill it's kind of too late to push it back up." She gulped back hysterical laughter and then it popped through. One laugh, two, three… she was then on a roll, holding her belly while laughing hard!

He did the most unexpected thing when he sat down directly next to her and asked, "Tell me what it is that is causing your trepidation."

She looked at him and the first words in her mind popped out of her mouth. "They're going to hate me."

His brows rose quite high. "Shanna. That is not a logical statement to make. You cannot say beyond a shadow of a doubt that every relative I have attending this, might I add 'small', event will, and I quote, 'hate you'."

"Well you can't claim they all won't!" she said, paranoia on high.

"Hatred is illogical."

She groaned at his words. She should have known he would eventually say that!

"Why would they?" he suddenly asked. "If they were capable of hatred, why would they 'hate you'?"

She went down a quick list of everything that had ever been said to her. "Stupid, ugly, fat, underachieving-"

He grabbed her face and turned it to look at him. "None of those things are true and this you know! It is the reason you were able to obtain your position at the embassy. As to your body mass index, though according to current data you are just below the mark where you could be considered overweight-"

"Hey!" she snapped.

"-I find you are most pleasing in shape. And as to your beauty-" he paused and allowed himself to drift in the almost silver of her eyes. "Wars the galaxy over have been fought over possession of women such as yourself: Beautiful, intelligent, figures lush with the promise of vibrant fertility."

She forced herself to take a cleansing breath in and out. "Thank you," she whispered. "I feel a little less afraid of everything now."

"But your fear still exists," he could tell.

"Meeting the in-laws will always cause fear and cold sweats. Let's get this show on the road," she said as she forced herself to stand up.

##

They arrived at the embassy main housing unit and approached it via the front entrance. Shanna usually popped over to this part of the embassy once or twice a month with official handwritten scrolls from Telvin. Otherwise, she had never gone into the deeper parts where the main family lived. Her stomach thrilled at the thought that today, she would.

She knew she was using Henry as a safety net when she encircled her arms around the infant and held him closer. The sleeping baby burrowed deeper into her bosom and gave off a contented sigh. She found herself smiling down at him and then remembered where she was at. She forced herself to wipe the smile off of her face.

Siranon looked over at her, Ananda in his arms, and said, "Please, do not be overly concerned. It shall go well."

"How do you know that?" she asked.

He paused for a second. "We are in possession of babies?"

She scrutinized him. Was he actually trying to joke with her? She didn't have time to figure it out as she realized Sarek and Amanda themselves were coming down the stairs of the embassy and into the huge drafty foyer. "Siranon, Live long and prosper," Sarek greeted.

"Peace and long life to you," Siranon answered in return.

"It's good to see you again!" Lady Amanda gushed to Siranon. "And is this beautiful woman your wife?" she asked as she approached Shanna. "I've seen you around the embassy. Weren't you one of the first students in the Vulcan Studies Initiative?"

Shanna smiled at her, surprised she remembered. "Yes. I was chosen right out of high school."

"Yes," said Sarek. "I remember that I personally hand-picked you."

Shanna's eyes widened. She inadvertently sent the thought along their bond _I did not know that!_

Siranon looked at her, amazed. It was only the second time since they'd bonded that she communicated with him that way. He realized that both times, it was accidental. They were going to have to work on that.

"Sarek was taken by your scores," smiled Lady Amanda. "I reviewed your application and agreed. Little did I realize what it was going to lead to!" she smiled teasingly at the couple.

"Amanda," Sarek censured her, "do not embarrass the young couple with your teasing. Come, young ones, there are a small amount of the embassy staff and their spouses who are of our extended family that have come to meet and welcome you, Shanna, and the young Ananda into our family."

Shanna held Henry closer to her and the baby chose that moment to open his eyes and look up at her. She smiled down at him and he yawned, snuggled back into her and dropped back into sleep.

The couple holding the babies followed Sarek and Amanda through a side door that led them out into a garden area. It had stone benches and in the center of everything was a fire pit with vegetables roasting on top, skewers sticking out of each one. _What is this, Vulcan barbeque?_

_ Yes…_

Shanna looked over at Siranon, shocked and excited. She had done it again! _I'm going to have to start watching what I think!_

_ Yes, my wife, you will._

She held in her laughter and took notice of everyone that was there. They weren't kidding when they said there were only 'a few' people there. There were about two other couples there, Vulcans. Telvin had also come and she knew it was going to be strange being with him at a social event and not having to take care of his needs. Also Sokam was in attendance with a very petite brown human female. She wondered if that was his wife.

_Yes, she is—_

_ Will you cut that out!_ She snap-thought. She sighed, exhausted of the mind sharing. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "It's just going to take some getting used to."

"Yes, my wife," he said as Ananda tried to reach for the back of the Lady Amanda's hair. He allowed himself to fall backward a couple of steps and said to her, "Young lady, no!"

After meeting everyone in the room and greeting Telvin accordingly, Henry chose that moment to wake up fully and start wailing. And then she realized she was totally wet through to her shirt from him. "Oh, no…" She rocked him and tried to soothe him, but he was becoming very vocal. "I'm sorry, is there somewhere I can change him? And I think he wants to be fed, too."

Amanda smiled, "Come this way," she said. She turned and beckoned Maya, Sokam's wife, to follow.

The three ladies traveled back into the embassy and up a set of back stairs. They passed through several corridors and out of the official public section into a private set of apartments. Amanda closed the door and had Shanna and Maya follow her into a bedroom off to the side. "This is a guest bedroom," said Amanda. "Come on inside and take care of Henry. I don't get babies at the embassy much. Can I stay and help you out?"

"Sure," Shanna smiled, not being able to believe she was actually talking with the Lady Amanda conversationally! She was actually in her private suites… wait a minute… wait a minute. _We are like actually really legitimately freaking related! Ahhhhhhh!_

_ My wife?_

_ Oh, uh… Nothing! Carry on! _She received a confused bit of feedback before the connection cut out and she found herself shaking her head once again, wondering how she was going to learn how to negotiate this almost mind sharing situation.

"Having a strange time with the bond?" asked Amanda as the very silent Maya sat down in a nearby chair.

"Yes." Shanna looked at both women as she unfastened the once again crying Henry. He had been temporarily distracted by traveling through the embassy but he was back to crying, going into a full-out scream session. She quickly undressed him, wiped him down and then put clean clothes on him. She pulled out a bottle of formula and quickly put it into his mouth. He calmed down after that, instantly. She sighed, relieved.

"He got you," Amanda smiled almost apologetically as she looked at Shanna's top.

She frowned. "I know."

"I'll give you something to change into before you go back downstairs."

"Oh, thank you," she said, feeling relieved.

Maya moved closer to them and sat on the bed with Shanna. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about? Being married to a Vulcan can get maddening at times," she admitted. "Amanda and I are at different stages, but we remember those early days well."

"Oh, do I!" Amanda exclaimed as she watched Henry sucking down his bottle.

Shanna smiled at them both. "It's wonderful and crazy and… I feel a little bit like I am totally out of my element." She didn't know how or why it happened, but she found tears spilling down her face. "Where the hell did that come from!" she said, alarmed.

"There's one thing you're going to have to learn quickly," said Amanda as she sat on the bed with the other two women. "You can't lie to yourself while you're married to them. But we know what it's like. I've been with Sarek for almost 33 years at this point. And Maya, how long has it been with you and Sokam?"

"About 12 years," she said as she smiled a little. "It was a little bit…overwhelming at first. But my circumstances were quite strange," she said. "I hear you two have strange circumstances of your own."

Shanna smiled as she looked down at Henry sucking his bottle down as if it were oxygen. "Yes. Two babies are involved."

"Two _cute_ babies!" Amanda laughed.

"Yes, two cute babies," Shanna also laughed a little on a slight sniffle. "And it's just so overwhelming."

"Have you told him that you're overwhelmed?" asked Maya.

She shook her head. "No."

"Why not?" asked Amanda.

She swallowed back fear. "I don't know."

"Why are you telling us?" asked Amanda.

Shanna burst into tears. "Well because you're human, too, and you've been here, in a way. I mean I don't mean the part about the kids, but- I don't know what I'm doing! I got Ananda almost seven months ago and I had to become a mom overnight. And now I have Henry, so I've got two kids overnight? And now I've got a husband and he's a _Vulcan_ so everything I think—well I mean, not everything, but sometimes I make a mistake and I think something I didn't mean to send and he picks it up and I don't know how to control that yet and- and then there's this whole adoption thing and the Family Welfare department coming to do the house inspection to see if I can even keep Ananda and we have to see if we can adopt Henry and Ananda and people might have a problem with a mixed couple adopting babies like this."

Henry had finished his bottle just then. "Give him to me, I'll burp him," said Amanda.

Maya waited until Shanna handed the baby over and then she went and gave the new wife a much-needed hug.

Shanna didn't know why, but something about the other woman made her feel as if she instantly trusted her and she found herself bawling her eyes out as she hugged her. "I couldn't even tell my mom this stuff, because she's not going to understand, you know? And the stuff she will understand, I don't want her to worry about me, she worries about me enough!"

Maya pulled her back and looked into her eyes. There were tears in her eyes, as well, she felt for the younger woman so much. "And what scares you the most?" she half whispered.

Shanna couldn't believe she was telling it all! It was like something about this woman forced her to tell the truth. But she mysteriously knew that she would never betray her trust. "That thing that no one knows except for humans like us… that—that deep down, they feel so _much_, just… there's this thing, this… it's not even love. It's harder and deeper and faster and it grabs you by the throat and it's like this possessive 'MINE!' thing going on and it scares the hell out of me. And if he were human I'd like think if I left him he'd turn into a stalker I'd have to go get a restraining order for!"

Both of the other ladies laughed out loud. "Yes, that thing," Amanda nodded. "That is a scary thing to come up against if you're not prepared for it. Well I wasn't prepared for it either."

"You're having a natural xenophobic reaction," Maya said as she nodded at her reassuringly.

Shanna then realized what it was. This woman felt like she was much older than she looked. She looked to be her age, but she felt like she was Amanda's age. "How did you two meet? When you married Sokam?" she asked Maya.

The two women smiled at one another. "No," Amanda said.

"We were friends in college," Maya supplied.

Shanna was amazed. "You guys are like…"

"Friends for the past 35 years," said Amanda.

She wanted to ask 'but she looks like she's 35 years old'…

"Let's just say I've had some stuff going on with my DNA," Maya nodded quickly. "The side effects are strange, to say the least."

Shanna nodded and let it go. "Well I have those 2 a.m. moments, you know where you wake up in kind of a panic and you wonder if you can do this? Like really, for the long haul? For good?"

"That's also just marriage," Amanda said. "I have that on good authority from friends not married to Vulcans that they wake up after just getting married wondering if they can keep it up. Don't worry, it's all natural."

Shanna sighed, relieved. "That's good to know." She looked down at Henry since he sent up the biggest gas bubble ever and then smiled as if he had just completed a masterpiece. She found herself laughing at him and he looked up at her and gave her that sunny smile she looked forward to seeing every day now.

"Have you two had a proper honeymoon? Didn't you just bond a few days ago?" asked Amanda as she cuddled Henry to her.

"It's been like 5 or six days since we bonded," Shanna said. "I'm kind of losing track of time."

"Another side-effect of bonding," said Maya.

"So, no honeymoon?" asked Amanda.

"Well with the children and everything and our jobs, we didn't get around to it. But this week the embassy is closed Thursday and Friday, so we were going to go away on a cruise around the solar system and then Siranon found out he has to be back to attend a conference with Sarek on Saturday and then Sunday we were going to do something together again and then we go back to work Monday."

Both women shook their heads in disbelief. "Book that cruise for four days," Amanda insisted, "and then take Monday off to get yourself together."

"But Siranon's got to-"

"I'll handle this," said Amanda. "Don't you worry about that," she assured her as she looked down at Henry and started to play with him.

##

Shanna was given a new blouse to wear by Amanda to replace her soiled garment. It was a sand colored Vulcan-inspired wrap top that was made of natural comfortable fibers. They returned to the small gathering with Henry, all fed and happy. She saw that Siranon was sitting off to the side, conversing with Sokam. Ananda was sitting on his lap, nestled into his chest and drinking a bottle contentedly. Every time she saw how that girl was with him she felt a pang of pain in her chest. A piece of her pain was for her own father whom she never felt that way about, for her cousin who had passed on who deserved to have that kind of love from his daughter but now couldn't.

It didn't occur to her until then how much she disliked her father. She had tried for so many years to get his approval. And now he was gone, too. Her mind drifted away from that and back to the moment.

She saw Amanda approach Sarek and the two began to speak. Then she saw Sokam hold up his hand to Maya and almost whisper his, "Attend," request.

The petite woman walked to him with a half smile and attached her two fingers to his. She found herself smiling at their clasped fingers since now she knew what that felt like. She looked over then to see Siranon watching her. She found herself looking at him for once as someone from the outside looking in, trying to be neutral. He was still beautiful. And she couldn't keep him at arms distance internally anymore. She realized she was just scared and needed to learn to unclench on the inside long enough to let this man love her back.

##

On their way home, Siranon said, "I thought I should inform you, Sarek has now insisted that I not attend the conference on Saturday and neither shall I return to work until the following Tuesday after the upcoming four day weekend for the embassy."

Her eyebrows rose. Lady Amanda had done it after all and that quickly. "Oh wow."

* * *

_A/N - Sorry it took a minute to get back to this. I wanted to be as realistic as possible so I thought about it and said to myself, 'if I found myself married to a Vulcan and dealing with all of this stuff on top of that, I'd be a nervous wreck!' and I wanted to explore that.  
_

_Anyhow next chapter is the beginning of the honeymoon. What will be talked about/discovered during that? What will we find out about Siranon's past wife? What will we find out about Shanna and Willem? And the biggest question of all, is Siranon going to tell her about THAT THING he's been avoiding discussing with her? All of those conversations (and their aftermath) are going to take up anywhere from two to three chapters. I hope to have you all along on that ride as we coast into being smack dab in the middle of this story once those particular issues are dealt with. I sort of know where I want this couple to go now and since I have a general direction I feel slightly more confident about telling this tale.  
_

_Thank you all so much for being patient with me during this journey that began as an expression of grief but is turning into some of the best therapy I've ever had._


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N - Long chapter here..._

Fourteen

The week passed quickly. Shanna would awaken with Siranon every day. It was still along the lines of miraculously strange for her to do so! They would get up, spend an hour with the babies and then get ready and go to work. At the embassy offices they did not see one another for most of the day, just like before they had gotten together. She only had lunch with him once that week.

Wednesday, while Shanna was on the job, she had a free half hour. She filled out and sent back the correct official reports to Ananda's case worker informing Family Services that she had gotten married and the official change of address since she had moved in with her new husband. She didn't want to take the chance that the woman would claim she had never received the reports, so Shanna forwarded them to Siranon's lawyers, as well. They sent her a memo by the end of the day assuring her that they would make certain the documents made it into all appropriate hands.

Since she always got off of duty two hours before Siranon, after getting back home and spending some time with Henry and Ananda, Shanna went to their room and began packing her bag for their honeymoon. They were supposed to be disembarking late Thursday morning and returning Sunday night. Because of their diplomatic status, they would be able to beam up to the space cruiser only an hour before it departed and they would also be able to beam down immediately upon its return to Earth.

As she packed her bag, Siranon walked into their room two hours after she had returned home. "You're done for the day?" she asked him with a light smile, her mind preoccupied with trying to figure out if she had packed enough of each category of clothing she was bringing.

He walked up behind her and kissed her neck softly. "Yes, I am. You are packing for our vacation, I see."

"Yes."

"What is this?" he asked as he reached around her and pulled out a tiny, barely existent garment sticking out from her bag. It was red and it sparkled slightly as he turned it this way.

Shanna could feel his rising interest as he stared at the garment. He looked at it, then at her, studying her dimensions up and down trying to figure out what parts of her went into what holes of the tiny garment. "It's a gift from Lisa," she said almost shyly as she halfway coughed. "I thought it was kind of ridiculous but I figured I'd pack it anyway," she half laughed. "I should maybe leave it here, it is kind of stupid and-"

"Lisa is wise." He stood there, straight-faced and there was a three second pause before he decided, "Perhaps you should wear it tonight."

"No, sir!" she said as she turned around in surprise and halfway pushed him off of her. She snatched the piece of lingerie back from his hand. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to finish packing! We go to put the babies down to sleep soon and I want to be almost done with this by then," she said as authoritatively as she could.

He sighed as he began to walk away. "Yes, my wife." She could actually feel his slight frustration and was so surprised by being able to sense that she inadvertently laughed on the inside. Even though she stifled the laughter from bubbling to the surface, Siranon turned back around quickly and looked at her. "You are amused at my frustration, wife?" he asked as he gave her a too-charismatic half smile.

"I didn't _say_ anything!" she said as she began backing up from where he stood.

His eyes squinted along with his half smile as he started playfully stalking her movements, crouching low, shadowing her every move. "I do believe I can convince you to accommodate my request. If I could only be provided the opportunity to-"

She gasped as she dropped to her knees and climbed under their bed, openly laughing, by then. "Good luck with that!" she teased, convinced he would never go under that bed for her.

And he didn't. But he moved like a flash of lighting and was on the other side of the bed so fast, when she came out of the other side, he pulled her up and onto his body. He had them in bed together in less than five seconds. "I can work quickly in other areas, as well, my Shanna," he whispered heatedly as his hands held her close and he began nibbling insistently at her neck.

"How am I supposed to think straight?" she asked no one in particular as her brain began to give up.

"Do not," he said as he kicked her suitcase onto the floor to make room for what he had planned.

"Hey!" she sat up. "Did my clothes fall out?" she bounded off of the bed to make certain it survived the crash. "That was some hard work, packing so much stuff into one little space, you know!"

Just as she saw that her clothing was still in the bag, intact, Reianna intercommed them. "The children are exhausted and ready for their bedtime routine now. Do you want me to take care of them tonight?"

She looked over at him and smiled widely. "No, we're coming!" Shanna answered quickly and then ran to the door ahead of him.

Siranon looked at her with a flash in his eyes. "Tomorrow, my wife, we will be in a cabin in space. Where shall you go then?"

She felt a blush rising into her face as she turned and ran from the room. '_You cannot hide from me'_ said that possessive whisper in her mind. She ran even faster as that nervous feeling overtook her once again about how intense he could become seemingly with no warning.

##

They were able to put the children to bed and Siranon miraculously allowed Shanna to finish packing without any further harassment. But she remembered that thing he had said about being in a cabin with him in space. She blushed all over again as she lay in bed next to him that night. She was having real trouble sleeping.

She tossed and turned and realized she was very nervous about telling him what had happened between herself and Willem. And she was also anxious to know what had happened between himself and his former wife. She finally found herself drifting off to sleep after over two hours of lying there, staring at the ceiling.

She woke up the next morning before it was time to get up. It was still dark out as she saw Siranon meditating in his usual almost corner with the tiny bit of incense that had next to no smell. She fell back into a deep sleep and didn't wake up again until it was three hours away from their departure time for the cruise ship.

##

Siranon welcomed Shanna's mother -Lady Castillo as the staff was directed to call her- into the home. He had asked her to come and keep an eye on the children since he knew that in some ways it would settle Shanna's nerves about being away from them for nearly four days.

The older woman immediately met the three nannies on staff. She hit it off quickly with Reianna and Miss Tyler. But T'Lera, something about those two personalities did not mesh at all!

Shanna stood off to the side with Ananda in her arms as Henry gummed at one of Reianna's fingers. "They honestly don't like one another," whispered the Betazoid to Shanna.

Shanna was confused. She had never received a vibe off of T'Lera that the old nanny disliked her personally, so it seemed it was solely her mother she had a problem with. "Can you tell why?" she asked on a whisper.

Reianna grinned. "You've used the word in your own mind about your mother on a consistent basis. She's just a bit 'inappropriate'."

"Well you are too and I don't see T'Lera giving you any dirty looks," Shanna whispered back.

She laughed in answer at first. "T'Lera finds my ways incidental to my youth. She thinks I'll outgrow them." She referred to Shanna's mother with a jut of her chin as Henry moved onto gumming her next finger. "I have a feeling that I'm going to be just like that by the time I'm your mom's age."

And finally Shanna 'saw' her mother. The woman sometimes wore kiddie charms on her pocketbooks. She was also known to put glitter in her hair. One of the most riotous things her mother had ever done was taking a pair of her pants and putting the outline of handprints on the backsides of them as if someone had grabbed her butt and left the smudges of their hands there. Currently, her mother had a streak of burgundy in her hair.

Shanna had to hold back deep laughter because her mother's crazy ways had only ever occasionally occurred to her, but considering them in the light of day made her smile. She had been that cool mom that other girls had wished was their mom and she had truly been free to become 'herself' after her and Shanna's father had finally broken up. All things considered, she was really something else! "I'm not ashamed," Shanna realized. "She's my mom. She is who she is. Whoever doesn't like that can go straight to hell."

Reianna looked at Shanna with a misty-eyed smile. "I wish my family could be as accepting of me."

She smiled back at the nanny. "Someday they just might."

Before they left for the official transporter room over at the main embassy, Shanna held and kissed the babies repeatedly. She would give Ananda back and then take Henry again, nuzzle his cheeks with her nose and kiss, kiss, kiss him all over his face, listen to his squealing laughter. She would hand him back and start the process all over again with Ananda. Before she left the house for good, she felt herself choking up, about to cry.

"Your mother shall be in attendance. They will be fine," Siranon insisted. He touched the fingers of each child only once, but could not restrain himself from also caressing their little faces in departure.

Shanna made sure Reianna was the one on schedule that weekend so her mother had as least as possible exposure to T'Lera. The last thing she wanted to entertain in her mind was the two older women fighting over the correct way to change or feed a baby.

"Okay," she said, forcing herself to let go. "Everything will be fine," she pep talked herself.

Shanna went to take her bag, but before she could get there, a guard picked it up for her as two more guards picked up the rest of their things. She looked back at the two little angelic faces one more time before she left.

They got over to the main embassy and transported up to the cruise ship when it was their turn. They were processed through Earth authorities and Shanna's eyes widened when she saw her new ID flash up on the screen's display. It was her electronic photo, but instead of the Earth logo, the Vulcan IDIC symbol with the outline of Mt. Seleya was on her background.

Sensing her confusion, Siranon frowned. "My wife?" he asked as they went to sit in an intake area before being given their cabin number.

"Why did my ID look different from the last time I left Earth?"

"We are married," he said as if it were obvious.

She frowned. "So?"

"You are a citizen of Vulcan as are the children—although to be more accurate, the children are joint citizens until they can be fully adopted by us."

Her mouth dropped open. "How and when did that happen, this thing with my citizenship?"

"When Sokam put in our official date of bonding, once it reached Vulcan my father signed his approval and I suppose so did T'Pau. Apparently, she remembers you from the one time you met her."

"But how does that magically change ones' citizenship? Last I checked, it takes months to do that!"

He shook his head. "I apologize sincerely. I truly was not aware that you were unaware of these facts."

She looked at him like 'fill me in'.

"When we married, you became a citizen of Vulcan automatically. You are still a citizen of Earth, but because I am of the diplomatic profession, in order for us to travel without incident to any diplomatic conferences or assignments, it expedites matters for both parts of a couple to be citizens from the same planet. This way we shall never have to endure a situation where we are separated and you can never be taken into custody without me present. You are also afforded many other protections you may not be aware of."

She supposed it made sense. But still, she wished she had known ahead of time. She looked at him and knew he had not done anything on purpose to try and control her. That was not his way. She was convinced, he would never lie or keep anything from her. She was already starting to trust him so she was able to let it go.

##

Their room was not her idea of a cruise cabin in the least. It was the size of their bedroom at home, almost. "This is actually big," she said with wide-eyed amazement as they walked in.

It had the usual neutral colors of any kind of hotel or cruise ship room.

Their bags were brought in and Shanna walked over to the long wall that where she saw a button that said 'press for outer view'. She pressed it. The top half of the wall, from her chest up, split in two and slid open to reveal a view of space that was about the size of a bay window. "Oh!" she said, surprised, as she looked out at the stars. You could still see Earth down below since they hadn't left the space station just yet.

She turned and saw that the men who had brought in their bags were just leaving their room. Siranon was at that moment leaning casually against the far wall, arms folded as he was obviously surveying the view of the back of her. His eyes finally reached hers and she could tell what he was thinking about without even trying. She thought, a little too close to the front of her mind '_Sexy Vulcan!'_

He smirked. "Why, thank you, _lovely_ human," he said with a slight lilt to his tone.

She turned from him quickly and began to take one of her bags and remove the two dresses meant for her to dress up for the Captain's night on Friday and the Saturday night sit-down dinner meant to commemorate the anniversary of the formation of the United Federation of Planets. She was still blushing as he walked up slowly behind her and pulled her hair back and off of her neck with both of his hands. He leaned forward, kissed her shoulder tenderly. "I shall allow you to unpack," he whispered as he then bit the tip of her shoulder. "At least."

She turned and declared, "That is NOT fair!"

He had the nerve to try and seem innocent as he actually shrugged. "I do not know what you mean."

"You have a one-way line into my mind and you know how to use it! I still don't know how to use this… this… this thing that we have!"

He almost openly smiled then. "And when you learn, I dread to think of the mischief you will get into where I am concerned."

She found herself thinking about that with half a smile on her face as she put her things away. "Think about this, Siranon, husband of mine, when I DO learn, I am going to pay you back for everything you perpetuate on me because of your little advantage over me right now!"

She wasn't done packing yet, but he found himself sparked by those semi-threatening words. He was pulling her into the bed that was not as large as the one they had at home, but large enough, using his fingers and telepathic contact to skim along her face and lips. He was trying to induce her to want to do more than unpack. "Do you promise?" he whispered as he settled himself on top of her, the half smile still on his face.

Shanna pushed him off of her, "Whatever!" she said, not even realizing she was already able to deflect some of the things he projected. She laughed as she continued unpacking and Siranon stood, glad they were truly alone without any chance of being disturbed and began unpacking his own items.

They ordered room service for lunch and sat and watched at the window of their room as they slipped away from Earth.

The first stop they knew would be at Mars, just not the colony. They would hover in sight of Mars for a few hours just for the view for a few hours time and then they would stop and dock at Mars Colony overnight. The ship would then begin a slow cruise, Friday morning, to Jupiter Station. After that, they would spend the Captain's night slowly cruising past Jupiter. They would overnight cruise then and make it to the Rings of Saturn in time for the United Federation Celebration. Afterward, they would swing out to just at the limits of 'outer space', turn around and cruise back through the solar system on half impulse power all through Sunday in order to receive a brief view of each planet on the way back up until Earth appeared Sunday early evening. Everyone who needed to disembark at Earth, would.

The two ate in companionable silence. Shanna almost always finished eating before him since she never seemed to be interested in eating all that much. But the food was excellent and she actually, for once, finished her meal.

"I see you finally have a true appetite," Siranon couldn't help but notice.

She smiled. "Already, being on vacation," she said as she shook her head. "This is the first time I've been on vacation in a while."

"Even before you received Ananda?"

"I usually take a vacation every year. But this year, when I would have taken it, my cousin died a month before that and then I had the baby with me after that all of the time. So I guess I'm about six months overdue."

"Shall we go on the official tour of the cruise ship listed on the schedule of events?" he asked as he stood and pressed a button to have them come and take the remains of their meal away.

"Sure."

##

They went on a quick guided tour of what was on the luxury liner. Shanna was pleasantly surprised at all of the things available, like a full spa, a gym, several competitive sports teams to both watch or participate from the most passive to the extremely aggressive. There were not only different restaurants but also many different places to simply taste-test and sample cuisines of the galaxy.

The cruise ship also had an actual museum of space exploration, two casinos, several different performances scheduled to occur over the long weekend and a Starfleet recruitment center. By the time they got back to their room, they saw they had a few hours to themselves before they went down to dinner. Siranon had one thing on his mind, but Shanna had another.

"So it's time to talk," she said as she planted herself on their bed, trying to find a comfortable spot to sit down as she adjusted pillows. "What secrets are you keeping?" she tried to smile. But she was really nervous about what she would hear from him. She could tell he was holding something big back from her. She was also intensely curious about his ex-wife.

He sat down in a chair next to the bed and tried to decide which one he should lead with. What had happened with his wife? Or… the other one. His ex would do for now, he decided.

"As you are already aware, I was betrothed at the age of 7. Her name was Shellis. T'Shellis." He thought back in time. "When we came of age and it was the proper time for us to be joined together for good, I had the thought in my mind of how things would go between us, but she had another."

"So you had some differences ahead of time."

"Shellis is a xenogeologist. Her specialty is as a planet surveyor." He swallowed back something he hadn't thought of in years. "I do not think even she realized what was truly happening within her at the time we joined. But join we did. I went back to Vulcan for a short time to unite with her and then I remained there. She had come back from a deep space assignment the year before and that assignment lasted her nearly eight years. We both remained together on Vulcan for two years and then she departed for another deep space assignment. That established the pattern of our marriage. She would leave on a deep space mission for anywhere between three and five years at a time. But she would always return." He swallowed. She always returned in time to save his life.

"Had it have been up to me, she would not have left for such long stretches of time," he admitted. "She would have remained on Vulcan with me or come to Earth with me or I would have gone on every other space mission with her. I was open to some form of compromise, but she did not wish to do so. She was insistent on having her space."

"Is that normal?" asked Shanna.

He sighed. "Quite. It is not unheard of, if that is your meaning. There are degrees of care within each bond, but the Vulcan is adept at minding their own and not commenting on another's. We always assume an agreement of some sort was worked out between the parties ahead of time. In my case, it certainly was not. She would simply announce she was leaving and then she would leave. I could not physically hold her back since that would have been unreasonable. I had no choice but to allow her to go since it was, after all, for the sake of her career."

Shanna found herself fascinated. "Well under those circumstances, how do those couples settle down to have children? I know on your planet it's like a requirement to produce at least one offspring in the marriage if it's physically possible due to inheritance issues and things of that nature."

He nodded. "Yes. You did well in your studies. It is requested that each couple produce at least one, optimally two children. If a bond can span the reach of nearly two hundred years with over a century of that with them being capable of reproduction, that amount of children, especially now that scientific intervention is more than capable of filling that gap if necessary… it is not a difficult goal to attain."

He thought about the past, the stinging pain of rejection. At least, he mused, she had not used the kal-i-fee to divorce him. Some part of her had in fact cared that he lived and that his rival should also not risk his life. "Apparently, she who was my wife had begun somewhat of an emotional relationship during one of her deep space assignments with a fellow member of her crew. I was to learn later that this male had been present in her life for even longer than the length of our marriage. Their mental affair began a decade before she asked to be released from our bond."

Shanna was confused. "Do you know what made her decide to ask for things to be dissolved after all of that time? Ten years in an affair and she suddenly decides that out of nowhere?"

Siranon nearly sighed. "She was back home on one of her rare return trips. It was odd because I was not even aware at first that she had returned to Vulcan. I was, in fact, still on Earth. My father learned of it before I did and of course went to see about the welfare of his daughter-in-law. It was when he began to see certain things and become suspicious that she was not behaving in an appropriate manner for one whom was bonded."

He swallowed back regret. "When I began to insist that perhaps she come to Earth and remain with me or perhaps we should both resign our careers for the time being and permanently remain on Vulcan for us to begin our family, that is when she pulled away for good within the bond. A year after that, she requested the dissolution and then she left for another deep space assignment, that one for 10 years time. She claimed she felt not free enough to pursue her career to the fullest extent possible. I was to discover later evidence of her affair in the communications records of my home back on Vulcan."

Shanna was confused. "Did you ever get concrete proof?"

"Within six months of her leaving for her deep space assignment, I received the news from my clan mother that T'Shellis had married one of her fellow shipmates and was having a child with him."

She frowned. "How did that make you… I don't know. Feel?" she asked carefully since that word was not usually used with Vulcans.

Siranon sighed heavily. "I did not understand what that other possessed that I did not. I looked in the archives on his identity to discover who he was to perhaps try and ascertain what I could have done differently. She was producing a child with someone whom she was married to less than six months, after all."

"And?"

"I came to the conclusion that perhaps I was of the wrong profession."

She didn't know what he meant. "You mean you should have been a scientist? Aren't you like a structural and mechanical engineer? Last I checked that's in the sciences."

"I do not travel. I prefer permanent situations. Shellis was, for lack of a better term, filled with '_czaraitlun'_," he used a Vulcan word.

Shanna instantly translated to the best approximation she could. "I think you're looking for the word 'wanderlust' in English."

He nodded. "That is an appropriate translation. It took many sessions of meditation for me to conclude that there was nothing I could have done to stem that tide within her. She was who she was and she could only continue to be that way. I was willing to wander with her through the galaxy as she explored and collected samples, but she did not wish it to be that way between us. By the time she asked for the dissolution, we were truly a poor fit for one another."

And then he found himself admitting something that he was only just coming to grips to accepting about himself. "My—my emotions were too sharp for her. My heat induced coldness from her toward me. It was too much- _I_ was too much in the force of my intensity. She needed an open hand and when we were together, I did not give it to her."

"Are you saying that you needed to change, but she didn't need to?" asked Shanna, only halfway upset since that woman's loss was now her gain. "Wanderlust is a state of emotion. How should one of you change and not both if that's what your culture states?"

He sighed. "Her emotion, or rather her emotional state, lay with wandering. But not with things or people. It involved her line of work. Among Vulcans, as you know, being committed to your profession is commendable. She is, in a way, what most of us aspire to be. She is less emotional in situations and circumstances and more driven in the professional realm."

Shanna thought that that was utter bullshit and that the woman was just looking for love in the wrong places. How long, she wondered, would it be when this Shellis grew tired of the man she was with and ditched him, too? Except now, a child was involved! But she kept that to herself. "Well were you hurt when she asked for the divorce?"

He nodded as he admitted, "Yes."

Shanna really wanted to know one thing. "Did you love her?"

He grew noticeably uncomfortable at that question and began to fidget in his chair. He swallowed as he admitted, "You will never repeat this?"

"Of course not," she whispered.

He sighed. "Yes."

She shook her head. "How did you get over it so quickly? I mean, am I assuming you're over it? Are you not over it yet? I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't. That's a shock! 'She left me… oh now she's with someone else and having a baby!' And you two were married for a very long time. That has to hurt!"

He nodded. "For a time it did. But that is the reason that meditation is vital to our people. It is the thing that causes us to come to grips with things faster than our counterparts in the galaxy. Because we are capable of processing and gaining closure so quickly, we are assumed to be unfeeling. But truly, though it may take months to come to grips with something, during that time we are still required to go on living and being in the public eye with no sign of our internal turmoil, no matter what the event in our lives. If we are not capable of such, we are sent to the Masters until we regain control of ourselves. Anything else is seen as disruptive to our society and subject to us being removed from our fellows until such time as we have come back to our senses."

Shanna already knew that, but to hear it spoken so dispassionately. It bothered her. "I was a mess when everything came out about Willem and that other girl."

"Tell me of this," he said. "You may feel free to divulge it all."

She shook her head and adjusted the pillows so she could recline slightly. "Where do I start?"

* * *

_A/N - The second half of this conversation is already done and being edited. I'll put it up as soon as possible! _


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N - And here is the second half of that conversation._

* * *

Fifteen

He thought of the most logical place one could begin. "Where did you meet-" asked Siranon, "the_ other_ male."

She knew he was really trying not to be that way but he honestly couldn't conceal his thoughts on Willem as they positively reached out in her mind and shouted a protest at even speaking his name. She forced herself not to laugh. "I met him at a social thing, a barbeque. When I met him, though, it wasn't anything special. I mean I thought he was a good looking man and everything but he was married so I didn't think anything of meeting him at that time. It was a 'hello, nice to meet you and your wife, good-bye' situation. I didn't know at the time that I'd met him, but his marriage was basically falling apart."

She sighed. "So I used to see him around town from time to time and say 'hi' and keep on going. The next time I saw him at a social function where we spoke and everything she had already left and took the kid and we wound up talking a lot because he was coming apart since, you know, she had his son and wouldn't let him see him at that point. It was a real nasty custody battle going on and everything between them."

"How did you wind up becoming his fiancée?"

"Well we would talk and—we started out just being friends and he told me I always made him feel so much better and then he asked me out. So we'd go out on dates and stuff. And it was weird because he was just so handsome to me, you know? Looks were never a big deal to me, but there was just _something_ about this guy that was so attractive. I was nuts about him almost from day one, like borderline obsessed, like I had to have him."

Siranon forced himself not to react to that, forced himself to not let his thoughts and emotions bleed over into her mind. The other part of him was angry and raging, but he knew that this was in the past, that this state within her toward Willem did not exist anymore. He was able to control himself.

"And my dad, you know," she continued, "I didn't have the greatest relationship with him, but he had just died like three years before and I guess some part of me was vulnerable. I don't know." She shook her head. "When I looked back after everything was over, I was really mad at myself because there were things I should have paid attention to, about him, about us, and I didn't. Some things I didn't realize and other things I just closed my eyes to."

He was able to get past the slight jealous internal reaction and realize he truly was fascinated by human relationships, her past one in particular. He needed to know what not to do so as not to lose her the way he had lost T'Shellis. "What did you realize?"

"Well, first of all, his ex-wife—I mean the ink on his divorce was like newly signed when we started to get really serious with each other. And the two of them had this really negative antagonistic relationship. I mean she hated his guts, honestly HATED him, did things on purpose just to make him angry. He represented her to me and everyone else as this stereotypical 'psycho-ex' or whatever. But I didn't realize that maybe she had some reasons to be pissed off with him like that. I mean, she took it too far and everything, but he tried to make it out like he was totally innocent and never did anything wrong. I'd never had a relationship before him, he was the first, so I believed him, believed everything he said."

"And the child you mentioned?" asked Siranon.

She smiled as she thought about him. "Lewis was two when I first met him." She laughed, but it was a very sad laugh. "He was still just a baby, really. And by the time he was three and a half, Willem and I got engaged and- and things changed."

Within the bond, Siranon detected a serious spike in her anger, grief and fear. "Changed?" he asked.

"Well his ex-wife had just died like two months before we got engaged, so now he didn't have any more obstacles to his son. He suddenly had permanent custody of Lewis and he needed help with him since he had to work, I mean so did I, but I was able to have a little bit of flexibility in my schedule since I wasn't working for Telvin full time yet at that point. And I would go and pick the boy up from pre-k and keep him with me sometimes." Her face was trying to hold it back, but she was feeling the tears trying to come to the surface. "I guess he was so small when his mother died that to him I was like a mom. He called started calling me 'mom' literally two weeks before everything was over between me and Willem."

She exhaled heavily as she still felt deep pain every time she thought about this part of her past. "So we got engaged. I was still living at home with my mom and-" It was the part of the tale that always made her feel extra stupid. "I believed everything he said to me, everything he claimed and… and I let my guard down too soon." She sighed as her tears did start to fall at that point.

"So anyway," she tried to say as dismissively as possible, "I was waiting, you know, saving myself for that special man, mostly I was waiting for marriage and I was convinced that we were getting married. I mean, his son called me mom for goodness sakes and I didn't see any more of a reason to wait so- so we consummated our relationship," she said on half a laugh as more tears fell. "I mean, I felt so stupid after that when I found out about the girl who lived right next door to him."

"You mentioned signs that you didn't pay attention to?" asked Siranon, wanting to pull her out of her grief, distracting her with questions.

She nodded quickly. "Things you don't realize until you think about it later. Things that are glaringly wrong if you were on the outside looking in at a relationship. It started with things like, out of nowhere one day he declared he just didn't like my best friend, there was something about her he didn't like. At that point I had already come to grips with the fact that you can't like everyone, so I didn't think it was odd or anything that he didn't like her. And all of a sudden he didn't like Lisa either. Next thing I know, he didn't like my mother _either _and so he never wanted us to go out or be with any of them when we were together. He just wanted me to himself and he wanted me taking care of Lewis and that was that."

She sighed as she started picking at the bedspread, her nervousness returning as she thought of the past. "Stuff like, clothing and make-up and hair and… He wanted a say in everything I did. I took it to mean he cared, but that's not what it meant. Like he didn't want me wearing make-up, like ever. And he was complaining if I went and got a haircut, like I should keep long hair at all times and," she sighed, "and my clothes were like 'the final frontier'," she laughed bitterly.

"Nothing tight, nothing revealing. I never dressed like that anyway, really, but anything that even skirted that line he was looking at it funny. He would just make me feel uncomfortable until I would go and change. So one day I realize I'm changing my clothes for this man two and three times a week before we would go out together. Telling your wife or your girlfriend or whatever you're not comfortable with what she's wearing is one thing, but telling her all the time and then expecting her to actually go and change her clothes? Like really?"

Siranon thought about it. His Shanna had never once worn a thing he could honestly complain about. "You have always possessed a most modest decorum in the area of your dress. Is this a recent development with you?" he asked, confused.

She laughed. "No. I've always dressed pretty much the same. But like things like the pencil skirts I wear to work sometimes, he didn't like those! Oh he hated, those! Or if my pants showed my shape too much, he didn't like those. Or if my shorts came above my knee even a little bit, I was 'showing too much skin'." She shook her head and halfway laughed. "In the words of my mother, I 'lost my damn mind' for a little while when we broke up."

His eyes widened. "In what way?"

She sighed. "Think about it. Overnight, I'm in confusion as to whether I'm going to marry someone I already gave my virginity to. And I'm basically told that if I don't see him, he won't let me see the boy that I've already accepted as my son. I would bathe this boy and dress him and feed him and play games with him and put together puzzles with him. That was all gone overnight. I couldn't even talk to him on the phone, not even just on audio just to hear his voice!" Her tears were flowing hard by that point. Siranon could tell, she was still not over it.

She continued, "I just… I lost my mind after that. I guess you could say I went temporarily insane. I partied hard, I drank too much for a while, I wore stuff that was, quite frankly, worse than questionable. Just because I could, to prove to myself I guess that I was free and I could do whatever I felt like doing. Belly shirts and booty shorts was just the tip of that iceberg," she laughed as she wiped her tears away. "I think the most scandalous thing I wore during that time was this micro bikini to the beach. It was impossibly small. That thing was obscene. The top just covered my nipples and the bottom was no more than a piece of string attached to a triangle of fabric that tied at the sides of my hips."

"What made you wear something so scandalous?" he asked. Part of him wished he could have seen it himself.

She admitted, "My father used to accuse me that one day I'd be a whore like my mother," she said on a nod. "That's what he used to say to me. 'You're going to turn out to be a whore just like your mother.' And then I get out of this thing with this guy telling me what to do and what to wear and suspicious of every man that even looked at me sideways in a store? And after all of that and the accusing and him screening what I'm doing and seeing and dressing, he's the one messing around? So I was like, okay, bet on that. I'll be the whore," she shrugged. "So I dressed like, just plain scandalous. I had a good enough body back then that I could wear whatever I wanted."

"You still do," he said.

She found herself blushing. He wasn't flirting. It was a fact in his mind, she saw. "Thank you," she nodded. "I just went crazy for a minute. I mean, I guess I could have _really_ lost my mind and figured, 'well I'm not a virgin anymore I'm just going to sleep with everybody', but I could never bring myself to be with anybody else. I was so hurt at what he'd done but back then I was still in love with him and I didn't want to be with anyone else. I wanted to be with him.

"And then one day I realized that dressing that way was not 'me'. And who was I hurting, really, dressing like that? Dad was dead already. And Willem was kicked out of my life for good by then. And I just told myself to stop it and start acting like myself again already. I didn't even really like those clothes, I realized," she laughed. "It was like for a while there I was someone else, trying to be someone else. Because if I could be someone else, I wouldn't feel 'her' pain, but I still did. So I went back to being me and started dealing with the pain one day at a time. And then one day it really was okay. But I'll never get over Lewis," she said as her eyes began to tear up again. "Never. He was my first son. And he's alive out there somewhere and I can't see him. I don't know how he's doing, what he's doing. Is he in school? He's six now. What does he look like now? How is he eating? Does he wonder what happened to me? Does he think it's his fault that I just disappeared like that?"

Siranon realized it then. When he mentioned Henry to her all of those weeks ago, and gave her his desperate plea, that was why she had caved. She knew what it was like to have a child taken from her. "You did not want me to experience that pain."

She shook her head. "I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy, to have a child taken from them when they really are doing right by them." She heaved a heavy breath in and out past the tears. "That's wrong. It hurts," she admitted as she tried to wipe away her tears. "It still hurts."

Siranon experienced a sharp pang of guilt. All of the emotions Shanna felt when he thought she was thinking of Willem had nothing to do with her ex and everything to do with the child left behind. But her lack of trust had to do with lies told to her that led to her making a decision she wished she could take back. "Come to me," he said to her.

She got off of the bed and sat on his lap, leaned into his chest, placed her arms around him and hugged.

He began to rub her back consolingly. "I will try to find out how this child is doing, for your sake."

She smiled. "You will?"

"Yes, I will. I will make certain he is well and cared for. But that is all we can do."

She nodded. "That's fine. I just want to know that he's okay, that's all."

"And we will see to that."

She looked up into his eyes and honestly said, "Thank you so much, from the deepest part of me. Thank you." She gave him the softest, lightest kiss to his lips. The light touch of her lips was filled with such sweetness and sincerity. He found himself struck with something deep within he could not identify. But he recognized a piece of it as a need for her. And he knew then he could never let her go.

"You will never leave me?" he asked as his arms tightened around her jus the slightest.

She laughed a little, wondering where that had come from. "No."

"Do you promise? Come what may, you will not leave?"

"No, of course not!" she said, even more confused as to where this might be coming from.

He knew then that he should tell her. But he didn't, at that time. He waited and told her on Sunday toward the end of the cruise. And that is another tale.


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N - I don't know why, but I felt the need to tell this part of the tale out of sequence. So here you are, dropped in the middle of a dispute! I then bring you back to the beginning of it and then the ending. I hope my weird way of telling this doesn't confuse any of you, but for some reason I felt like this was 'right' for this part of the tale. Sometimes I have the strangest instincts and I have just GOT TO follow them, LOL!_

* * *

Sixteen

Sunday Night

The couple beamed down from the cruise ship to the embassy. The silence smoldering from Shanna toward Siranon was still going strong. Their security men and their vehicle was there waiting for them to make the quick drive home and they both silently got in.

In his musings, Siranon was strangely gratified his wife had only hurled one item at him.

Her words still rang in his mind: "You deliberately didn't tell me about this! You _knew_ I had trust issues, you _knew_! And yet you decided to wait until_ after_ we were already bonded to tell me this? I had a right to decide ahead of time, dammit! _A RIGHT_! And you took that away from me without my permission!" And that was when she picked up the first item her hand came across, a hairbrush, and threw it at him across the room.

Siranon dodged it expertly and it bounced off the wall behind him. "_Ashal-veh_, please-"

"Don't call me that!" she wailed and then fled their cruise cabin.

It had been about three hours since his big revelation about Pon Farr. As soon as they arrived at the house, Shanna went upstairs and instead of going into his room, she went into the still unused room right across the hall from his. Apparently, she did not even want to see his face.

As soon as she closed the door of the room, Shanna released a heavy and shaky sigh. She could feel herself coming apart, had been hiding that feeling from the time they had beamed down, but now since she had the luxury of being alone behind closed doors, she knew it was time for her to figure out exactly what it was she was feeling. The anger was starting to subside, at least the initial anger. She was still mad as hell at Siranon for not telling her any of this sooner.

She needed some time to herself to figure out, if he had told her this before, would she have married him anyway? She admitted to herself, she probably would have waited a little longer before marrying him, but she would have still wound up with him because she did love him. And anyway since DEATH was involved, it wasn't like she would have fled for good. The man kind of needed her assistance!

Part of her tried to understand that he put off telling her because he was in dread of her reaction, of her maybe leaving him for good.

She slumped into the one chair in the room as she looked around. It was pretty bare in there. All it had was a bed, a dresser and a chair. That was it. She was exhausted, but there was no way, she knew, she was going to be able to sleep for hours.

Shanna sent her mother a message to let her know they had arrived back home. Her mother conveyed to her that the children were already asleep and not to worry, that they were fine. She told her to go to bed. She was fine with that since she didn't want to see her mother just then. She knew she was going to take one look at her and know that something was wrong. And this was the last thing she wanted to talk to her about.

Shanna lay down in the bed she had never used up to that point, still fully dressed, not quite ready to face how empty that bathroom might be. She doubted it had soap or even a towel in there and she really needed a hot shower to clear her head. She flung one arm over her eyes to shield them from the lights she had yet to turn out. She was starting to get a headache.

_Shanna, ashal-veh! Please…_

She sat up in bed and couldn't help the thought that hurled form her and to him, _I don't even get a moment alone to try and figure out my own mind?_

_We should speak about this, together!_

_ Why?_

He saw she was in no state to speak with him so soon so he said nothing more.

She was truly upset with herself for many reasons. The main reason at that point was because she knew she was not more than five minutes from walking across that hallway and apologizing for being so angry with him. But she knew it wouldn't be sincere if she did that. In the past, she always tried her best to make everyone around her happy. Not anymore. NO. Not just because it was some self-affirming action, but mostly because Siranon would instantly know she was lying.

She remembered what Amanda had told her, that they should not lie to themselves while they were married to men like this. She knew it was better this way, not to let resentment build up over time. So when she was angry, she would let him know! And part of it was that she COULDN'T lie to him because he would KNOW! But he, apparently, could still hide things from her, maybe even lie to her, and that was the thing that really pissed her off! That he could do this, did he even respect her?

_I respect you and your anger toward me…_ She heard the echo of his thought toward her in the back of her mind. And she could tell that he was honestly, truly concerned.

She put her face in her hands and began to cry hard. No one had ever cared if she were angry with them! They always tried to make her feel like her anger was an overreaction or unjustified or just stupid. Or they would brush it off with laughter. But she could feel that he cared that she was really pissed off with him.

"Why exactly are you angry with him?" she said to herself as she scooted off of the huge bed and stood up, started pacing back and forth to work out her thoughts. "Why, Shanna, why?" She thought it through as she paced and wiped her tears away. "Okay. I feel tricked, in a way."

But part of her was insistent to remind her that it wasn't his fault that his race had a built-in reproductive fail-safe! She wondered if even ancient Vulcans were so given to study and fact-finding that this thing had to be hardwired into them to make sure they reproduced. Or maybe it was the war thing. Maybe they had such one-track minds, whatever it was, fact-finding or war….or fact-finding about war? She laughed out loud at her stupid musings. "I'm so stupid," she whispered to herself as she sniffled and wiped at the tears on her face.

_You are not…_

"Say something that matters or GO AWAY!" she yelled.

Pause. _I love you…_

_ How dare you! HOW DARE YOUTELL ME THAT NOW!_

##

Siranon actually felt the sensation of being mentally punched out. He staggered back into the wall and tried to catch his balance. His wife didn't know it, but she was already starting to know how to maneuver within their bond.

He could hear her coming from across the hall. She barreled right into his bedroom and closed the door behind her. "How could you tell me that now? In my mind, too! Not out loud, right? Not out loud!"

"I love you," he whispered it as he couldn't believe he was saying it himself. But he needed to keep her. Needed to!

She looked at him sharply, tried to understand everything. But her mind had turned into a shot glass and gallons of information was being poured in and out. She started pacing back and forth in front of him. She looked almost exactly like a caged tigress. "He loves me," she said to herself. "He loves me. I've wanted to hear that from him since I told him but he tells me now. NOW?" she asked as she looked at him, outraged.

He forced himself to stand back and let her work it out on her own. It was one of the hardest things he ever had to do in his life, letting go and letting her figure it out.

"See, I want to be really angry with you, but as time is going on I'm less and less angry with you and more and more angry with myself! I knew there was _something_ you were holding back and I should have put together the pieces of this puzzle myself."

He frowned. "What puzzle?"

She shook her head as her brain went into that strange fact-mode it possessed. "The puzzle pieces were all over the place, they have been for years. The teachers in my classes when I was younger, those two Vulcans, Mr. Sternin and Miss T'Vell, those were their names. She had a red ruby in her ear at the start of classes. They met at the beginning of term. Sternin was his regular self and then two days after classes started, he got angry. He dropped something by accident in class and his eyes just blazed hard and one of the students asked if he needed help and he snapped at her very badly! And then next thing we knew a day later it was announced that he and Miss T'Vell got married and we were confused because as far as we knew they had only known each other two days and… and that was that part of the puzzle. She came back without the earring, wearing long sleeves…"

She looked at him then, as if understanding something. "The other part was your record that you gave to me. You only ever took 'vacations' approximately once every seven years. I remembered realizing that and thinking, 'I'm going to need a vacation more often than that'!" She scoffed. "Sounds like I'm going to need a vacation from THAT vacation."

He sat there, amazed, as she put it all together. Humans, he knew, usually did not have this kind of recall.

"And the other parts I saw over the years and didn't realize what it was I was looking at," she smacked the back of one of her hands into the palm of the other. "It's hard having this memory, when everyone else around you doesn't remember certain things and you almost remember it all. I remember almost EVERYTHING. The Vulcan embassy staff members that disappear for about a week maybe more or less and then they come back and they look _exhausted_. The Vulcan women who've been here so long that they now wear human clothing, they come back and suddenly they're wearing Vulcan robes for a few days? Is that because of bruises? A dermal regenerator can do so much, it still takes a few days to heal," she said, speaking rapidly.

And then her memory really fired to life! "T'Lera last year, January 4th to the 8th, T'Shu two years ago March 3rd to the 11th, T'Renima four years ago- I could tell you the exact dates, but who gives a shit about the dates now? And when you ask, no one ever says _why_ they left or they say they have some kind of contagious condition that they're being treated for. That couple last year, Turon and T'Leem, they came back and he was gaunt and recovering from some kind of injury and _she_ was no longer with _him _and that was hushed up! Did she issue that challenge you mentioned?" she turned to Siranon.

"Yes."

"And he lived. So he won?"

"Yes."

"So some other man died?"

"Yes."

"But he let her go, anyway?"

"Yes."

She shook her head. "I need a shower." Her mind was in information recall overload and she had a full-on legitimate headache by that point.

He went to follow her into the bathroom and she turned and put her hand to his chest to stop him. "You, sir, are not invited. Did you think that just because I was talking that we were friends right now?"

His eyes widened. He didn't answer.

"I needed facts and you have provided them," she said almost coldly. "Thank you."

He sat down in shock as she left, went into the bathroom and he could hear the water turning on. This side of Shanna had been mentioned in her records, this strange feat of her memory. But he had never truly seen it in action until then. It was strange watching her. She recalled things from the past with disturbing detail. He began to realize that he didn't know her as well as he thought he did. Because when she went into information recall overload, he could the facts calling up in her mind almost like a heads-up display, parts of her brain active that usually lay dormant. He realized then, she was going to be exhausted when she was done with her hot shower.

And then his head turned sharply. She was in there, crying. And he knew she did not want to see him. He felt utterly powerless because he knew this was of his own making and she didn't want his help to feel better.

He could see her turmoil through their bond. Her mind was in its own form of a feedback loop. She loved him and she was already beginning to trust him, but he had lied by omission. She was having trouble processing that he would do that. Her perception of him, Siranon did not realize, was up to that point nearly pristine.

##

HOURS EARLIER – STILL ON THE CRUISE SHIP

It was Sunday. They had just engaged in another session of lovemaking. They had missed most of Friday's and Saturday's festivities since they were having trouble making it out of their cabin. They ordered a whole lot of room service.

"We missed dinner," Shanna realized as the two of them piled into the narrow stand-up shower in their cabin and tried to adjust the water as hot as she could stand.

"_I _did not," he joked suggestively, straight-faced.

Her mouth flew open! "You are _bad_!" she laughed in half chastisement as she started soaping him up. Then there it was again. That feeling from him that there was something he needed to tell her. "Siranon, what is it you're not telling me?" she asked as she turned around and let him soap her back.

He sighed as his mood changed. The sight of her back always made him have other thoughts, but he was distracted about what they still needed to discuss. "We must get dressed in order for me to say it."

She felt distinctly nervous and realized that some of those nerves were coming from him. She turned back around and looked up at his face. "You're worried about my reaction, aren't you?"

"I am," he admitted.

They finished cleaning up, got out of the shower, dried off and got dressed. She sat down with him at their in-cabin table. She had a feeling neither one of them was going to want to eat after what he had to tell her. "So go ahead," she said after two minutes of them sitting in silence.

He swallowed and decided to just jump right in. "Vulcan biology, I take it, is not discussed in the classes you took on Vulcan culture."

She frowned. "Biology? Do you mean like anatomy? I know what your make-up is on the inside, if that's what you mean. But I have a feeling that's not what you mean."

"I meant, specifically, mating drives," he said as he looked at her, wondering exactly what was about to happen between them.

She shook her head. "Nothing concerning mating is mentioned except that you guys get linked when you're seven. That's it."

He nodded and actually sighed heavily. "There is a secret, carefully guarded from the rest of the galaxy, about our mating drives. There is a special task force, in fact, that combs the galactic net at all times to make certain no one divulges these facts about us. It would be dangerous if others knew of this secret. Our enemies could, and they would, use it against us as a species. And others would simply fear us, be suspicious of our men being near their females."

"I don't know anything about what you're referring to and I'm married to you," she said. She started feeling just a little bit nervous as she realized, "So there's something you didn't tell me from the beginning that you're going to tell me now?"

"Yes."

She shrugged. "All right. I won't say anything to anyone else. You know that. What is it?"

"It is about our Pon Farr, the Time of Mating." He found himself stuck on how to extrapolate on that.

She shook her head after a short time of waiting for him to go on. "I'm still not getting why this is a secret. Everyone mates. Well, almost everyone," she qualified her statement.

And he looked palpably ashamed then. "It happens to our males once every seven years. We lose, in a word, sanity. We must mate, fight or die. And the coupling is quite… violent."

"Die? Why is death involved?" she asked, starting to feel a little queasy. "What do you mean, you lose sanity? What do you mean, violent coupling?"

He decided to go the clinical route and explain it that way. "A build-up of reproductive hormone is triggered and released within the male mind approximately once every seven years. At that time, our logic and sanity is stripped from us and we become quite mad. It is at this time that a bond mate is very necessary." He paused for a second as he said, "She is called to us at that time. She has the option to challenge the male's claim to her and choose a champion and divorce us by the rite of the kali fee. If she does not, then we mate until the madness has passed. And if she is too far from us, we must choose another. A fight to the death of one of the males or our mating with a female of our choice, those are the only options or we die."

"That's messed up," she said as she shook her head. "Have you ever been through this? Does this happen later in life or something?" she asked, not wanting to believe she was going to have anything to do with any of this. And if she did, she supposed—sincerely hoped!- maybe she had years to prepare.

He swallowed back fear. "I have experienced this already."

"More than once?"

"Yes. With T'Shellis."

And then it was plain to her. T'Shellis had left him and she was now in her spot. "We have to do this." She blinked at him once, twice, three times. "I have to do this with you."

"Yes."

She sighed and was trying to wrap her mind around the situation. "Okay, okay, okay," she said as she nodded. "So we just mate and that's it?"

"It lasts for days. And it can grow… frenzied. Injuries are often involved for one or both parties. And I must admit, at this time, that the damage to a human female can become quite-" he swallowed as he said, "substantial."

She was trying to accept it all and starting to fail miserably. She figured time would take care of that. "Okay, so I have what, a couple of years, two or three years to prepare for this?"

"I estimate I now have approximately three to four months-"

"Three to four_ months_!" she shouted as she stood quickly and began to pace back and forth. "Months," she whispered to herself. She looked back at him again, "MONTHS?!"

"Approximately."

"Oh, I got your _approximately_, asshole!" she shouted as she kept pacing back and forth.

"I can already tell that the process has been accelerated within me. I did not think it would occur this soon. When we initially joined I thought I had at least one year, but something about our bonding has triggered it earlier than expected. It may even occur sooner than I have estimated."

"You should have told me before we got married! You knew we were getting married and when were you planning on telling me this?" she asked, becoming angrier. "That day we talked outside the embassy in the garden, you could have told me then, but you didn't! Why didn't you?!"

"We typically do not tell non-Vulcan females before we bond to them. We tell them afterward."

"Ok. So it's been, what, nearly two weeks since then? And you put it off till _now_?"

He couldn't find another word to say. "I am sorry," was all he was able to utter.

She walked to the door of the cabin.

"Where are you going?" he asked, panic beginning to rear its head.

"I need to get out of here. I need to think without having to look at your face right now!"

"Shanna, it is imperative that we-"

"You deliberately didn't tell me about this!" she said as she spun around to look at him again. "You _knew_ I had trust issues, you _knew_! And yet you decided to wait until_ after_ we were already bonded to tell me this! I had a right to decide ahead of time, dammit! _A RIGHT_! And you took that away from me without my permission!" And that was when, on a surge of despairing anger, she picked up the hairbrush and hurled it at him.

"_Ashal-veh_," he plead as he dodged the flying object, "please-"

"Don't call me that!" she cried as she left the cabin.

##

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT – BACK HOME

After her long hot shower, Shanna went to bed across the hall from his room. It was turning into a sleepless night for the both of them. They were both lying in their separate beds, exhausted but unable to fall asleep.

At 3:35 in the am, Shanna got up and walked back across the hall, climbed into bed with Siranon but she didn't lie down. He sat up, as well. The two of them sat there in the darkness for a short time, not speaking. The silence was palpable.

"Shanna?" he finally whispered.

She sighed. He could hear that she had been crying. "I was so angry with you and with myself," she admitted.

"There is no reason to be angry with yourself," he said as his hand tentatively searched for hers in the darkness.

She let his fingers find hers, let the connection happen. It was almost like a form of drugs, the _ozh'esta_. "I'm upset with myself because I made a big mistake," she whispered.

Panic rose in his stomach. "Shanna?" he asked, that time very afraid.

"I thought because you were really good and nice and- what was I expecting? That you would never make a mistake? Not ever?" She could feel his panic and sat closer to him. "I realize that's not realistic. I'm sorry I got so angry with you."

"I should have told you sooner. I apologize deeply for not doing so," he rushed to say.

"I accept your apology, but at the same time, I realize that we're both in barely covered territory. How many couples of our kind are there? In the whole galaxy? Vulcans married to non-Vulcans?" She thought about it some more. "I haven't looked it up, so I don't know the official number, but it's not like either one of us has a rulebook we can go to for this information."

He saw where her mind was going. Her generosity toward him shook his insides. "_Ashal-veh_?" he whispered.

"Anyway, I thought about it and obviously this whole mating thing isn't your fault. I was never mad at THAT. I was angry with you for not telling me sooner. But the more I think about it the more I realize that you didn't tell me, not because you didn't trust me or you wanted to trap me, you didn't tell me because you wanted to minimize the chance that you would lose me because you do love me."

"That is precisely why I did not speak sooner," his voice caught in his throat. "I cannot lose you. I cannot."

Her hand sought and found his face in the darkness. She loved the feel of his skin, his prominent cheekbones, his enigmatic nose and beautiful chin. Her fingers traced them all lightly so she didn't poke him in the eye by accident! "I don't want to lose you either," she admitted. There was a long pause as she leaned closer to him in the darkness and whispered, "I still trust you, _adun_."

He didn't know if it would be welcomed by her, but he grabbed her to him and held her tight, lay out in bed with her while still holding her close to him. "You will remain with me for the remainder of this night?"

"I will," she promised.

He paused at first, finally able to think clearly again. "You are overwrought. Please, obtain rest."

"I will."

She closed her eyes and relaxed into the warmth of his heated embrace, her face buried in his chest until she turned and let him spoon the back of her. He could sense she needed help truly coming down off of all of the emotions she had been through, so he used one hand to rub any parts of her he could with deep pressure until he felt her relax. They both relaxed then and coasted into sleep together.


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N - Not a big chapter, but not a little one either. More of a 'filler with info' thing._

* * *

Seventeen

They spent most of Monday at home together with the children and gave all of the nannies the whole day off.

After putting the children into bed and turning on the monitors, they walked back to their room. As soon as the door closed, Siranon informed her of a communiqué he had received from their lawyers. "Apparently, Shanna, your documents were initially claimed to not have been received by this woman who is Ananda's case worker, a Ms. Cinders."

"Oh?" she asked, a little afraid. Was that woman going to be a nemesis through this entire process? She went and huffed down onto their bed. It was amazing how much she loved being with the children, but she realized just how tired she was when she would put them to bed and sit down! "What do I have to do now?"

"Do not be concerned on that account. Our attorneys were able to contact her personally. And apparently, she did expect to hear from them, especially where you were concerned."

Shanna's eyes widened. "What happened?"

"In order to understand this situation, you must understand that because we reside here, on embassy grounds, this territory is considered 'Vulcan soil' and not of Earth. We have submitted our proper paperwork to her. She, in turn, must now fill out paperwork in order to travel here to inspect this premises."

Shanna found herself giggling as she wished she could have seen the look on Ms. Cinders face when she saw those lawyers looking at her on a viewscreen. "I didn't know it worked like that. I've worked at this place for years, but I was only given the parts of the law that had to do with my situation. And since I didn't live here, I was never given the other half. So you know what? I'm going to go and read everything I can get my hands on about being a Vulcan citizen, because I am walking around missing information. I also need to figure out, what does it mean in regards to the children? They're dual citizens, but I don't know, what exactly does that mean for them?"

"In this particular situation, according to our attorneys, it means that if Ms. Cinders makes a determination that for some reason this home is unfit, under ordinary circumstances they would be able to immediately remove Ananda from the home and perhaps even Henry. However, because this is a different jurisdiction, they must first petition the Vulcan government and ask for permission to come onto 'their' land to remove the child. They must also then wait the specified period of time told to them by the Vulcan government before they are allowed to come and remove her from our custody."

Shanna's eyes widened. "Wait a minute. So custody is now not just in the hands of the North American branch of United Earth Family Services?"

"No, it is not. It is the one thing that prevented Henry from being removed from my care immediately and the reason it must now wait, once again, for another court hearing. The fact that custody of Henry was given to me in a will put him automatically under Vulcan jurisdiction. And now since Ananda was legally given to you via her still living mother and you have entered a marriage with me, it complicates matters for them."

"So this complication is also diplomatic in nature," she realized.

"In fact, yes. Good relations between Earth and Vulcan are always in the forefront of the minds of both sides. I am unaware if Ananda's social worker was previously aware of any of these facts. But I do believe that by the time she arrives here to conduct the inspection of our home, she will be fully aware of them."

"I wonder what she was thinking when she realized I was not making stuff up that last time I saw her?" She stood and went to a drawer to find a set of her pajamas.

"Have you found any nannies you wish to interview for the fourth position?"

She paused in her search and looked back at him. "I've been thinking of something. I wanted to talk to you about it first, though."

"My wife?"

"Well honestly, I don't think it's a good idea for us to hire anyone else. I'm thinking about handing in my two week notice to start working part time. I need to spend more time at home with the babies."

He looked at her, surprised. "My wife, you have worked diligently to receive the position you have at this time."

"Well I figure that's why I'll keep working, just instead of 40 hours a week, I'll do 20. And after the kids go to school, I can go back to full time work again. That's if we don't have another one or two by then, either by having or adopting more children."

He found himself inordinately pleased. "You would be open to adopting even more children?"

She smiled. "Yes, I would." She shrugged as she turned back around and finally found what she was looking for. She pulled out a pair of comfortable pajamas as she said, "So I figured, how would it look that we're asking to adopt these kids but we're hardly at home? I work 40 hours a week and you work anywhere from 50 to 70 depending on conferences and visiting dignitaries. We're focused on Ananda with this lady visiting, but we have to remember that if our keeping Henry is contingent on the fact that they want him to have a human mom, I have to be home more often."

She smiled a little. "Truthfully, I'm having a hard time leaving them every morning. I spend half the day thinking about them, wondering how they're doing." She shrugged. "I just want to stay with them more than I do now." She looked around herself. "And I also need some time to get used to the changes that have happened in my life. I think being with the babies more often will help that."

He walked over to where she stood and removed the pajamas from her hands. "I tend to agree. Perhaps it would help if you fully immersed yourself in these changes."

She looked at him, face full of suspicion. "What did you have in mind?"

"What I had in mind did not entail sleepwear."

"Shoulda' known!" she shouted as she laughed and snatched the pajamas back from him. And the next thing she knew, she was being grabbed and effortlessly thrown up onto his shoulder. "Hey!" she shouted, surprised at how quickly the world around her had shifted and turned.

He dumped her onto their bed and his mouth was sporting a definite partial smirk as he began to slowly undress in front of her. She wanted to run, but she found she couldn't because she was doubled over with laughter as she watched this playful side of him unfurling. He had only just begun his awkward striptease when he removed his shirt. But then Siranon paused and almost compulsively began to fold the shirt up very neatly and then he placed it on a chair.

Shanna's laughter grew even worse. She found herself in stitches as she gasped, "I'm so seduced by your skills of organization and neatness!" She wailed even louder with laughter as he walked over, removed the pajamas from her once again and then began folding first the top and then the bottoms. He placed them on the chair on top of his shirt and then turned and looked at her expectantly. "Was that to your satisfaction, wife?" He was confused by her laughter, but he still had hope…

She got up onto her knees, shuffled over to him and kissed his now bare arm. "Get into bed," she said, still laughing as she took off her own shirt. "You've earned it."

His eyes grew excited. "I have?"

"Yes, you have."

As he got into bed, Shanna laughed even harder when she caught the echo off of his thoughts that she must truly appreciate his organizational skills! It would take an hour the next morning to explain what was so humorous about the night before.

##

They both went to work the next day. Shanna had penned her two week notice the night before since she found herself lying awake and unable to sleep for thinking of how she was going to word that letter. She went into Telvin's office to hand it in first thing. She handed him the temp PADD with the letter as well as his morning tea.

The older man's face visibly frowned as he scrolled through the contents of the letter. "May I ask the reason for this change in your schedule?"

She shrugged. "It's stated in the notice, Telvin. I want to go part time so that I can spend more time at home with the children. My children," she realized with a jump in the region of her heart and a deep swallow.

But Telvin was still frowning. He looked as if someone had swiped his last pie. "Shanna, I do not wish another assistant," he said very decisively.

"But I'll still be here half the day," she reminded him.

He seemed to be contemplating that. "Perhaps if I go to half days as well?"

She was very surprised at how he was taking this. Had he actually grown attached to her? Was that possible? Telvin hadn't shown one iota of feeling toward her in all of the time she had been assigned to him. If anything, he had been terribly harsh toward her in the very beginning. But his very protective reaction when he thought that maybe Siranon had been inappropriate toward her had not been lost on Shanna. What lurked beneath that almost grumpy exterior?

She closed his door and sat down at the desk in front of him and took a good look at Telvin. He was much older than anyone else there at the embassy. And they were now in the same clan. "There must be someone else, maybe even a Vulcan, who would be your assistant now if you want. You always did find me terribly inadequate," she almost teased the older man.

"In the beginning, I did," he admitted. "But now I find that I do not wish to have another assistant, human, Vulcan or otherwise." He seemed to sigh deeply as he shook his head. "It is simply a sign that I grow older now, not wishing for anything to change. But that is not logical." He looked at her then, eyes set. "I shall adjust."

Shanna said nothing to coddle him. If there was anything she understood about Telvin was he would not tolerate that, so she said nothing.

"Please, take these documents over to the main embassy for me," he said as he took a handwritten scroll from out of his drawer.

She went to take the scroll from his hand, but paused there since he seemed to not be letting it go. "Telvin?"

He seemed to observe her face closely. "Little did I realize when first I saw you-" He let go of the scroll and sat back with an almost satisfied look on his face. "I can say nothing at this time. But you may be the key to the S'chn T'gai receiving what they wish to have in the next year."

Shanna felt threads of trepidation creeping over her skin as she took the scroll, clutched it carefully in both of her hands. "What are you talking about?"

He sat forward. "You married into a family with high political positions and even higher aspirations when it comes to our maneuverings in this galaxy, young Shanna. And you married a diplomat. Think on these two things and draw your own conclusions. It is all I can give you at this time. But know that family politics is also quite heavy in this, your new clan. You are poised in a position of potential power and you alone can advance the career of your husband in the diplomatic world. Learn that early, learn it well. Watch your behavior, your words, your ways at all times. Go now. Deliver that."

She stood and went to leave his office.

"The day T'Pau comes to Earth and deigns to ask you to step forward and see her personally, you are being tested then. Be prepared. She is fair, but she is sharp like the proverbial tack." Somewhat of a smirk appeared on his face. "As it is, she remembers you as one hand-picked by Sarek for her program initiative those years ago. You have already made an impression in this clan. Go."

##

Shanna walked over to the main embassy, troubled by what Telvin had said. She could tell he thought he had told her a good thing. But nothing made her more nervous than political motives and purposes. What could he possibly mean about her bringing the S'chn T'gai what they wanted in the next year? She barely understood what it meant for her to be a Vulcan citizen let alone what it meant to be a member of this prestigious clan. If she were supposed to be on the fast track to be someone so important, why was she gophering messages from the office to the embassy several days a week? And not just for Telvin, either!

The answer came at her then like a slap to the face. Her brain took the pieces and put it together in fifteen seconds. Out of all of the human employees at the embassy she was most likely the only one who could actually read these scrolls. But out of all of the human employees at the embassy, she was the only one who had ever been asked to deliver them. And she had never broken the seal on one. Had that been a test all of this time?

She felt like she was under a wall of water. Over the next year she had to look forward to: a house inspection she might or might not pass for Ananda, the beginnings of official adoption procedures for Henry and Ananda, _Pon Farr_ and who knew what else on the horizon having to do with the fact that she was married to Siranon?

All she knew was she just wanted a regular life without constantly looking over her shoulder. But it seemed even though she was very happy with Siranon, she was always looking for the next thing in the rearview mirror. She was getting more than enough sleep lately, but she was still feeling very mentally tired. She tried to inject levity into her thoughts.

_There's always the hot tub after work!_

And of course, that would be the thought of the day that tripped their bond. _Wife? Are you contemplating our recreational activities for this evening?_

She was glad she was outside and out of sight of anyone else, because she just laughed out loud at him and didn't even bother to answer.


	18. Chapter 18

Eighteen

The month seemed to pass them by quickly. Ananda went from nine months to ten to nearly eleven months old by the time the house inspection came up. Henry was nearly five months along.

Shanna's nerves became much improved since she seemed to have, in those few weeks, exactly what she wanted: A quiet normal life. She had gone from a full-time worker to part time so she was able to spend much more time with the two babies than previously. Her days became a haze of Henry's delightful grins and Ananda's sneak attack hands! She was able to spend a lot of time with Reianna, as well, and the two became a serious tag-team when it came to the babies. They also became very good friends.

By the time the day of the inspection finally came, it was supposed to have happened, officially, over a week before. Apparently, Ms. Cinders had not completed her portion of paperwork required by the Vulcan government in order to pass onto their land, so it had been pushed back by nine days. Shanna had no proof, but she suspected the Vulcan government was giving the lady a bit of a hard time on purpose. She remembered what Telvin had said the month before about the clan she had married into. It was probably known by them that this woman had pushed at her and it seemed they were subtly pushing back just so she understood whom it was she was dealing with now. Shanna hoped she was imagining these motives and she really hoped the delay in the inspection didn't weigh against her personally.

The morning of the inspection, Siranon and Shanna had taken the day off. They both got up and then got the children up and ready. It was a Friday and all Shanna knew was she was going to be glad when this whole thing was finally over. They didn't know exactly what time Ms. Cinders was coming, but if it wasn't for the waves of calm coming at her from Siranon, she knew she would have been a babbling mess by the time noon came and went.

Finally at five past 1:00 p.m. they received word from the guard at the main embassy gate that there was a Ms. Cinders and two others with her at the property asking for entrance. They indicated that she should be allowed in. The embassy let them know, however, that they needed to know who had accompanied her and first determine if they fit within the parameters of the paperwork already filled out by her before they could be allowed on embassy grounds.

"Two others?" asked Shanna, worried. "What two others?"

Siranon said, "According to law, the house must also pass a health and safety as well as a fire department inspection within this state. Perhaps those are the personnel who have accompanied her on this day. We shall find out soon enough."

Within five minutes they got a call back from the guard. It was discovered that the personnel with Ms. Cinders was an assistant assigned to her from North American United Earth Family Services and also Ananda's former caseworker, both within the correct personnel to enter embassy grounds. Shanna's eyes widened. "You mean Mrs. Chalmers? Oh wow! I never thought I'd see her again!" She at least felt a little bit encouraged after hearing that and found herself bursting with happiness that she would see the jovial woman again.

The couple waited in the foyer while their head guard for their home went outside to verify the identity of each person and make certain they were not carrying any concealed weapons onto the premises.

Once they were allowed inside the home, Ms. Cinders, Mrs. Chalmers and one male walked in, looking surprised and shocked. They were only just beginning to understand the reason for all of the clearances they had had to go through in order to even enter the home they were standing in by then.

Shanna saw old Mrs. Chalmers and beamed at her with a huge smile. The older woman relaxed when she saw her standing there and grinned nice and large. "Come give Mrs. Chalmers some sugar!" she said to Shanna as she held her arms out to her.

Shanna ran to her, grin still huge, and hugged the older woman hard as they both laughed happily. "It's so great to see you again, I was so worried about what had happened with you at first!" said Shanna as Mrs. Chalmers kissed her cheeks.

The older woman huffed, "Well Mrs. Chalmers went and had herself a heart attack," she referred to herself in the third person and then laughed heartily.

Shanna looked over at Ms. Cinders sharply. "I didn't know that. I was told you were okay."

"Don't worry, child, I'm still standing," Mrs. Chalmers waved off her concern. "Now where's this new husband of yours?" she asked as she looked around.

She turned and beckoned Siranon forward. "This is S'chn T'gai Siranon," Shanna said as she watched her husband walk forward.

Mrs. Chalmers had a noticeable grin on her face as she looked the very good looking Vulcan up and down. "Well pardon _me_," she said, openly impressed, as she looked back at Shanna. "He'd have turned my head, too, back in the day!" and she had a good laugh at that.

Shanna couldn't keep the blush from rising into her face as she said, "Siranon, this is Mrs. Chalmers. And that is Ms. Cinders, over there," she tried to say as nicely as possible about the second woman.

Ms. Cinders was standing there, gawking. She was having a hard time digesting the man, the house, everything happening around her. Not very much was able to make it past her lips, but she seemed to strain out a, "Nice to meet you."

Siranon then looked at the male that had accompanied the two women and he asked, "You are, sir?"

The man, an average height human with blond hair and bulging muscles smiled at them both and introduced himself. "I'm John Henry Williamson and I work with the Department for House Safety. I also ride with Ms. Cinders as an assistant two to three days a week."

"Okay," Shanna said with a sigh. "Exactly how do you want to inspect the house? Top to bottom? Side to side? Bottom to top? Do you look at the whole thing or only the parts the children are in or-"

"The whole thing," said Mrs. Chalmers as she quickly pulled up her PADD and tapped it to life while shaking her head. "Child, we have to look at the _whole_ thing! Can you believe that? We might as well start here and work our way back or whatever."

Siranon pointed to one side of the home. "Then we shall begin with the kitchen, freezer storage and dining wing of the first floor."

##

They made it through all sections of the entire first floor of the home and then they inspected the outside back yard. Mrs. Chalmers obviously loved their home since she was openly impressed at everything she happened to like.

Mr. Williamson barely said anything on that first floor except to ask questions about exits. He would take his time where needed and stand off to the side with his equipment working to check out things like transporter capabilities, fire hazards and exits into and out of the house.

Ms. Cinders asked a question here and there, but it seemed that Mrs. Chalmers had pretty much taken over the house inspection.

Once they hit the second floor, they walked into the children's nursery room. "This is one big room," John said as he looked around and began measuring the space.

"It is temporary," said Siranon. "Once Ananda reaches eighteen months, she shall have her own bedroom as shall Henry. The nursery shall have to wait for another occupant," he said as he pointedly looked at Shanna.

She turned away from him quickly as she held in laughter and introduced the two nannies there at the time, Miss Tyler and Reianna. "We already have their paperwork and they checked out," said Mrs. Chalmers with a wide smile as she met them both face to face and shook their hands.

You could hear Ananda from her crib exclaiming as they walked further into the room. Mrs. Chalmer turned and looked down at her with a huge grin on her face. "I haven't seen this cutie in months!" she exclaimed. Ananda smiled charmingly as she looked up at Mrs. Chalmers. "I remember that grip, girl, I'm not leaning in for a kiss this time!" the older woman laughed along with Shanna and the nannies.

Ananda, though, had shifted her attention to Siranon. She was looking straight at him as she began to bounce up and down with her arms in the air toward him. "Dadada dadada! Dada dada dada dada!" she seemed to be chanting until Siranon went to her crib and extended his fingers to her. She put out her hand and contacted his fingers with hers and calmed down instantly. He was able to walk away then with her pretty much pacified.

John and Ms. Cinders looked at one another at that point, but neither said a word. John was smiling, but Ms. Cinders was not.

"And who is this cute little guy?" Mrs. Chalmers asked next as she looked over at Henry since Miss Tyler had picked him up to be changed.

Siranon took Henry from Miss Tyler then to properly introduce him. "This is the child we are both in the process of adopting. He's our son and his name is Henry."

Henry by that point was beginning to sprout hair in the strangest pattern that Shanna jokingly called 'his little faux hawk'. The straight hairs along the middle of his head stuck up in the air and added to his cute-factor three fold. It was the same shade of medium brown as his mother's had been.

At the mention of the boy's name, Mr. John Henry Williamson puffed up. "It's another Henry! The world needs more of us, right, kid?"

The baby laughed breezily and then stuck his face into Siranon's chest and rubbed it on his shirt side to side. Mrs. Chalmers didn't say it, but she noticed how Siranon rubbed at the babies back and held him close even as the boy ground his face into him and wiped his snotty nose and drooling mouth all over his clean shirt.

Siranon returned him to Miss Tyler. "I do believe the children are tired."

"We were about to give them lunch and a feed and then put them down for a nap," she said as Reianna went to go and get Ananda.

He nodded, "Very well," as he looked at each child.

Shanna kissed each baby as they were taken out of the room to go and eat.

##

The house inspection lasted awhile since the house was quite big. But the part of the inspection had come that Shanna was dreading. The couples' interview.

Siranon had the three social workers come into the Common Room on the first floor. "As you can see, this room has barely been used," he commented.

The three of them sat on a regular couch as Siranon and Shanna sat across from them next to one another.

"Why is it barely used?" asked Ms. Cinders, actually speaking for once.

"If we are not at work, we are with the children and they are not yet old enough to spend time in this room," said Siranon. "There is nothing in this room that is utilitarian to their needs at this time."

"Where do you spend most of your time with them?" asked Ms. Cinders.

Shanna answered that one. "The nursery, the kitchen, the playroom, the yard… outside of the house wherever we bring them like the Farmer's Market, my mother's house, the main embassy to visit with members of Siranon's family."

"Our family," he said as his eyes looked into hers.

Mrs. Chalmers grinned at that as Shanna blushed.

"Before you go any further," said John Williamson, "I just wanted to let you two know that you passed the fire and safety inspection for the home. You have the proper amount of fire retardants everywhere. I see that you also have, I'm not surprised, state of the art technology to prevent anyone from beaming in but you're all able to site to site out of the house, which is a very good thing in the event of a fire. All of the exits are readily accessible all over the home… excellent fire safety. Your upstairs Jacuzzi unit is password and safety blocked which is excellent, so the kids won't be trying to take a swim anytime soon on their own. The place is clean and my detectors show as germ free as it can be under the circumstances. I mean there's two babies, how germ free can it be?" he laughed. "That's all I'm here for," he said with a shrug as he stood. "I can go out and wait at the vehicle since anything else said in this part of the interview I'm not supposed to be privy to."

"Thank you, John," said Mrs. Chalmers with her merry smile as she watched him stand and walk out of the Common Room.

"Yes, thank you, John," said Ms. Cinders, as well.

There was a guard posted at the door waiting for that very reason and he was able to help John find his way to the front door and escort him back to the vehicle they had come in.

After he left, both social workers still there had their PADDS out and began scrolling through the information on it so they could ask the appropriate questions. Mrs. Chalmers smiled and began, "It's so good to see you again, Shanna, and Ananda, obviously. She looks good and healthy!"

"Thank you," said Shanna.

"We got all of the medical records sent to us about her recent visit to the pediatrician," said Mrs. Chalmers as she went through the file and got down to business. "She's growing nicely, hitting all of her milestones and she weighs enough. So how does she eat? I mean, what's her diet like?"

"She's still on formula," said Shanna. "But she's also getting cereal, rice cereal, and we make her food here ourselves, fruit and vegetable purees."

"No meat?" asked Ms. Cinders.

Siranon and Shanna looked at one another. Shanna said, "My cousin, her father, was a vegetarian so we've decided to raise her as a vegetarian, too since that's what he would have done anyway. I'm sure you know Siranon's a vegetarian and that just makes things easier. It looks like we'll be doing the same for Henry, as well."

Mrs. Chalmers smiled. "There's plenty vegetarians running around for us to know that that's doable. I got two grandbabies that are vegan. Now in Ms. Cinders' notes from her last meeting with you, at that time you two weren't married yet, you had just gotten engaged. The last time I saw you, Miss Shanna, you didn't have time for a man! When did you meet this cute Vulcan and get together?"

Siranon's ears turned a deep shade of green and Shanna could feel his deep embarrassment of the older woman's compliment.

"I started working at the embassy years ago, but I got transferred to the section where he was working. We didn't really talk or anything until about two years ago when they would have social mixers in the office and we had several interesting conversations back then," said Shanna. "So I knew him for a while, we just didn't date or anything."

"We were drawn together this year," Siranon admitted, "by our mutual circumstance of both having been surprised with children in our lives."

She continued it from there. "We went on a play date with the kids and things kind of happened fast from there."

"How 'fast' is fast?" asked Ms. Cinders.

Shanna thought about it. "Two weeks after the play date, we got engaged. We were supposed to get married two weeks after that, but things happened a little bit faster than we planned," she said as she blushed. The memories of the night that they bonded began to come back at her fast and she found herself swamped with disbelief at how quickly all of this had come about.

Ms. Cinders said, "We're supposed to assess how the couple is with the child and also how they are toward one another so that the child can grow in a healthy atmosphere. Obviously we know that Shanna is fine with Ananda and vice versa, but Mr. Siranon, how do you see Ananda? How do you feel about her?"

Mrs. Chalmers looked at the other social worker as if she'd lost her mind, but Siranon answered, "She is my daughter."

Shanna grinned. "She calls him 'dada' already."

"We noticed!" laughed Mrs. Chalmers.

Ms. Cinders seemed determined not to laugh or even smile. "A human, Mr. Siranon? What attracted you to Shanna, a human? Is 'attraction' even the correct word to use?"

He looked at her straight-faced and asked, "Have you seen my wife's Intelligence Tests?"

Shanna burst into embarrassed laughter. "Would you stop that?" she chastised him. "He's developed this sense of humor-"

"Developed?" he asked.

"—and you never know what he's going to say next," Shanna finished as she waved his previous words off.

Siranon wondered why Shanna never wanted to discuss her substantial intelligence. It truly did embarrass her, but he was not speaking in jest. He was extremely attracted to her intellect first and his attraction grew from there, but for her sake he said no more.

You could tell Ms. Cinders was miffed that her question had not 'truly' been answered, at least not to her satisfaction.

Mrs. Chalmers asked, "By the way, I should have asked this before, but have you gotten the report about Ananda's mother?"

"No, I haven't," said Shanna. "She kind of indicated the last time I spoke to her that she didn't want to be contacted about the baby or about much of anything."

"Well we spoke to her," said Mrs. Chalmers, "and we spoke to her parents. She is truly not interested in reclaiming Ananda. The poor thing is pretty troubled. None of the brain therapies they've tried on her seem to be working so sending Ananda back to her mother is pretty much out of the question now." She was tapping things into her PADD. "I'm forwarding all of those documents to your lawyers since she's signed papers giving you full parental rights to the child."

Shanna and Siranon looked at one another. Shanna's face was overjoyed and she could feel Siranona's mounting happiness at the situation.

"She didn't seem to care that her baby's future was going to be dictated by-" Ms. Cinders paused, "someone who doesn't show emotion," she finished as nicely as possible.

"The parents, though, you know Ananda's grandparents, they feel they've raised their children and they don't want to raise anymore, but they do want yearly visitation with her," said Mrs. Chalmers. "They were confident that you're good to their grandchild. In fact, their exact words were," she read from the PADD, "they have 'full confidence in everything she does and decides for and about Ananda'. So there you go with that. You two can proceed from there since Ms. Cinders indicated to me that you might want to adopt her?"

"We most certainly wish to adopt her," said Siranon, jumping at the chance. "There shall be no obstacle?" he asked almost eagerly.

"None whatsoever," Mrs. Chalmers said as she continued checking things off on her PADD.

But Ms. Cinders seemed to be troubled by something. "I have a few questions, but according to this document sent to me by the Vulcan government, I'm not allowed to officially ask them."

Shanna's eyes widened as she looked over at Siranon. _What are they not allowed to ask?_

_They are not allowed to go into areas that mention my showing or feeling any kind of emotion._

She turned back around, not only surprised at what he'd said, but that it was becoming easier and easier for her to maneuver within their bond.

"And that!" said Ms. Cinders as she pointed between them. "That thing you do! I'm only allowed to ask, are you two," she looked down at her PADD for the correct word, "'bonded'? Is that the right word?"

"Yes, that is correct," Siranon nodded. "For Vulcans, the proper term is 'bond mate'. Here, it is 'married'."

"What does that entail?" asked Ms. Cinders as her nostrils pretty much flared.

Shanna noticed the way she seemed nervous even asking about it, so she had to wonder why the woman was asking. "It's just a form of telepathic linking. The couple is put together and they're married. That's it."

"So is that how you settle disputes and things of that nature?" asked Mrs. Chalmers. "We're required to ask about your conflict resolution procedures and that sort of thing. I would suppose that maybe makes things a little easier to solve?"

Siranon folded his arms. He was not at all comfortable discussing this non-Vulcans. "In some respects, yes. In others, no."

"Communication is still key," Shanna admitted. "We're not any different from any other couple. There are disagreements about the regular stuff couples disagree about. The bond just makes it easier for us to keep things private and between us, the way it should be."

"So like a human couple, you two actually have arguments?" asked Ms. Cinders seemingly skeptical.

"Well of course. That's just marriage. We have those 'don't want to talk to you now' moments like any other couple from time to time."

_I do NOT!_ Siranon sent her sharply.

Shanna looked at him and sent _well what am I supposed to say? I get so mad sometimes I go to sleep in the bedroom across the hall and then you come in the middle of the night and—_

_Point taken._

"So, conflict resolution?" asked Ms. Cinders. "When there are disagreements, you two-" she shrugged and waited.

Siranon was looking at Shanna then with hot, smoldering eyes. "We make up," he said in a slow, low tone as he remembered their last 'make-up' session.

Shanna's surprised face flamed up as Mrs. Chalmers declared, "Think it just rose about five degrees in this room!" She stood. "We're done here. Things are fine with you as a couple in my opinion."

Ms. Cinders began to protest, "But we didn't ask about-"

"That's not our jurisdiction," warned Mrs. Chalmers. "That's for the Vulcan government to take care of and they did it already."

Both social workers were standing up by then and so were Shanna and Siranon. "The Vulcan government?" asked Shanna.

"A compatibility test," said Mrs. Chalmers as she grabbed her packed bag and slung it over her shoulder, ready to go.

"Our compatibility, or lack thereof, was tested long before this," said Siranon to his wife. "When Sokam performed the official bond, he was privy to that information."

"Oh, I see," she said, nervous all over again. How many reports and things of that nature were they going to have to fill out or have filled out? How many interviews were they going to have to have? They had to go to court for Henry in two days, as it was! She was stressed out all over again thinking about it all!

His hand reached for hers and they touched fingers. It helped her a great deal. _Thank you…_

##

The social workers went outside and got into the car. "I don't know about that," Ms. Cinders said nervously.

"What's not to know about?" asked Mrs. Chalmers as she pressed a button and her seatbelt shackled into place. John was already behind the wheel. "The house is big enough, the way you wanted it to be, it's clean and John said it's up to specs in more ways than one. Their marriage seems fine and-"

"Seems fine?" said Ms. Cinders, incensed. "It seems _fine_? We were barred from being able to ask the questions we could have asked any other human couple! How do we know it is fine? How do we know we're not making a huge mistake leaving that girl there with them, and that boy, too, for that matter?"

"Well they're not any other human couple. The Vulcan government has been very cooperative in all of this," said Mrs. Chalmers. "Due to that man's status, now the _couple's _status, they could have told us to mind our business and denied us entry onto this land. They could have cold shouldered us and left us to wonder what was going on, but they didn't. What are you worried about? It's a widely known fact that Vulcans don't strike children or anything of that nature. They keep their tempers no matter what happens. You know he'll be patient with those children and it's obvious Shanna loves them."

"Love?" asked Ms. Cinders. "The children need love from both parents! She can do it, but he can't give them that!"

"And you know that for a fact?" John Henry Williamson asked out of nowhere as he started up the vehicle. "You're _sure_ he can't give those kids what they need?"

She sat back and said nothing more but she thought it was wrong to deliberately bring children up in that sort of emotionally cold environment.

John Henry Williamson was already on the road, driving for a few minutes. He had been inordinately quiet when he said, out of nowhere, "I had a mentor growing up. He was everything to me."

"What does that have to do with this?" asked Ms. Cinders since it was obvious Mrs. Chalmers had already decided she was not going to talk about this matter any further.

John said, "I don't think you're ready to hear a word I have to say on this subject, so I won't waste it right now. Someday when you are ready, come and ask me all about him and I'll tell you."


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N - Short chapter._

* * *

Nineteen

They had their court date for Henry two days later. Despite the objections entered into the record by Henry's maternal aunt and uncle, everything went well. Shanna and Siranon believed that was because neither one of the couple showed their face in court that day, they had only bothered to send their attorneys to represent them. The judge saw no reason to bar the next stage of Henry's adoption process by Siranon and Shanna.

##

Another month passed. Ananda was about to turn one and Henry was close to six months of age.

Shanna was at work one Thursday, early afternoon. She was due to leave and go home in one hour so she needed to get a critical piece of information for Telvin as soon as possible having to do with the latest trade dispute going on between two races Sarek was trying to help, but she was having trouble with a new piece of office tech.

It was a prototype standup desk and the embassy was supposed to be its testing ground. It was an instant access kiosk for the entire office able to call up information directly from the library archives on Vulcan. The uplink with the library worked quite well, but the part that didn't work so well? The desk was supposed to automatically adjust to the height of whoever was standing at it. More often than not, something would go wrong with the auto function and the person whom needed to use it had to adjust it manually.

"I am NOT a fan of this," she muttered under her breath as she stood at the computer and struggled with the program to get the desk to come down to her eye level. Computers and their programming just wasn't her specialty!

One of the Vulcan males immediately went to give her assistance. His name was Tomok and he was quite young, just starting out in his diplomatic career. "I shall help you, lady," he said to Shanna very politely.

"Thank you," she said, relieved. "I can't figure out how to adjust the-"

"_Step away from her_," came the cold controlled voice of Siranon, in Vulcan, from behind them.

They both turned and looked at him. He was looking at Tomok as if he were two seconds from strangling the younger man. Siranon's hands were at his sides and he was trying to appear as if he were his regular self, but his jaw was obviously clenching and unclenching.

The younger male detected something that Shanna did not. "Yes, at once," said Tomok, leaving the area as quickly as possible without a backward glance.

Shanna looked at Siranon as if he were crazy. _Oh, great! I have work to do on a limited timetable and I can't get this stupid desk to do what it's supposed to and you just scared off my __**voluntary help**__!_

Mechanical and engineering genius that Siranon was, he walked up to the desk, accessed its root program, fiddled with the internal commands for 90 seconds and then declared, "It has been repaired. Next time, my wife, turn to me and _no other_."

Her eyebrows shot up practically into her hairline. She was so shocked, she didn't even become angry, she just stood there and watched him walking away. She turned back around to the standup desk that had already auto-adjusted to her height, still numb, and began calling up the information that Telvin needed.

Siranon's thoughts then intruded on her while she worked. _You are finished with your workday in exactly 54 minutes, eighteen seconds and—_

_Yes, I am!_ She found herself snapping back.

…_attend me, in my office, when that time comes. Is my directive to you clear, __**wife**__?_

There was a definite note of 'command' in that thought. And _then_, she was angry! But she had work to do for the time being. She decided when she was finished finding all of the information Telvin needed, she was going to go and ATTEND him, all right.

##

Her workday was done. She had been able to put her thoughts on the backburner for that time, but after she logged off of her regular work terminal she went right to Siranon's office.

As soon as she walked through that door and then cued it to close behind her, she heard the locking mechanism engage. (Since when did he lock his door at work?) "Has the soundproofing program been activated?" she asked out of pure sarcasm.

"It has," he nodded.

She was surprised at that answer but recovered quickly from her surprise. It was time to get down to her tell-off moment. "Okay." She put her left fist on her hip and her right hand was extended outward, finger pointing in the air, her anger undisguised. "First off, what in the _hell_ is your problem? AND you_ think_ you're going to _tell __**me**_ what to do? _Attend_ you? What is this foolishness?"

He was aroused by her anger and gave off an unmistakable smile. "You were told to attend and now you are here, are you not?" He stood as he made the decision at that point to intentionally make her even angrier. "I find your obedience thrilling."

And then she was really ready to go through the roof. "Oh, I am SO CLOSE to going upside that thick head of yours-" -He began to walk around his desk- "—for thinking this is acceptable in any way, shape or form!" she continued.

He was standing just in front of her then. "Exactly what is it I am supposed to have done, wife?" he asked as he walked directly up on her, crowding in on her space.

She found herself backing up. What was up with him? Why was he backing her into a wall? She wondered what had gotten into him! But she was still so _angry_! "You want me to enumerate your list of relationship faux pas today? First off, all Tomok was-"

And that quickly, his amusement was gone. She was at the wall, there was no place else she could go, so he was grabbing her by the arms, pulling her up so that his face was in hers. "Do NOT say his name to me!" he was almost snarling that command.

They were in one another's faces, breathing heavily. She stepped back from her anger as she realized this was not 'him'. He had never acted this way with her before and her Siranon would never behave this way toward her, she truly believed that!

She frowned as she took a close look at him then. He was sweating. The tips of his ears were burning emerald green. He was… physically hotter than usual to the touch? "Do you have a fever?" she exclaimed, horrified. He let her arms go, then as he seemed to 'snap out of it'. But her hand reached up and touched his head. It was most certainly hotter when she touched his skin directly. "Sweetie!" she practically squeaked in horror. "You're sick!"

He forced himself to back away from her quickly. He was doing the opposite of what he wanted to do, because what he wanted to do…

"No," he whispered to himself as he took inventory of himself on the inside. The other part of him was beginning to take over. He was a raging, snarling beast howling for access to Shanna right then and there in his office. "No, no, no, no, NO!" he whispered desperately as he sat down in a corner and put his head in his hands. "Not here, not now."

"Siranon, what is it?" she asked as she went to walk toward him.

"Do not come any closer!" he said sharply.

"If you're sick, I have to make sure you're okay!" she said as she didn't listen to his order not to come any closer. "Whatever it is, it's making you bossy! You had _BETTER_ be sick, talking to _me_ like this!"

When she crouched before him to take a closer look at him, Siranon reached up and pulled her down to him on the floor. His body was pinning hers and he began kissing her hard and fast.

She could feel him mentally pouring into her, uncontrolled. And true to her suspicions, it did not feel like 'him'. And then she knew what it was that was going on then. And it was starting to affect her. Because she was quickly getting on board with what was in his head to do right there in his office in the middle of the day. "Oh no…" she found herself saying as she pulled away from him for a second.

"Oh, yes," he said as he began to discard his clothing with just one hand.

"We can't do this here," she panted, already aroused. So she wondered why she was helping him to remove his clothing?

"We shall go elsewhere afterward," he promised as his nimble fingers began removing her clothes.

She couldn't believe she was letting him do this! But part of her was already willing and ready for whatever was about to hit them both.

"Your choice, wife," he said as his mouth found hers again.

"Choice?" she asked, her mind unable to keep up since it was being dragged down into a haze of alien lust.

"Here on the floor?" His eyes gleamed as he looked over her shoulder. "Or there, on my desk?"

She looked down, a little confused. When had she removed her clothes? But the only answer that popped out of her mouth was, "Both!"

* * *

_A/N - Sorry to leave you hanging here! But life's hectic at this time and that was all I had time for so far this week! The next chapter is already written it just needs to be edited strenuously!_


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N - I wanted to update as soon as possible since the last chapter and this one sort of go together. I hope I can update again by the end of this week, but my schedule is kind of crazy these days!  
_

* * *

Twenty

After 'both' she seemed to regain control of herself and think better once some of the pressure was off. Shanna made Siranon get dressed as she quickly redressed herself. "We have to get you to the transporter and over to Sokam," she said as she finished dressing.

"If you do, everyone will know!" He shook his head hard as if he were trying to think straight. "This is the fastest it has ever befallen me! I had no warning," he whispered. He turned and there was an expression on his face full of hopeless fear. "I am sorry," he whispered to her. "I am sorry," he kept saying. "The wave is returning and I fear this time it shall be worse! I shall attempt to forestall it for as long as I can this time around, but it has already begun."

Shanna went to the intercom and called the main embassy. "Sokam, Siranon needs your help, fast!"

"He is ill?" asked the Healer.

There was a shame being imposed upon her from deep within. She suspected it came from the part of Siranon that was still trying to hold on. So she didn't dare say the words directly into the intercom. "I don't think I can get him to a transporter room now." She looked over at her husband. His robe was disheveled from his having thrown it back on. She looked down at herself just then and realized that she had put her shirt on backward. "Neither one of us is in any kind of shape to travel, to tell you truthfully. No one can see him right now. Do you understand me?"

There was a short pause on the other end. "I am coming now."

It was the longest three minutes she had ever waited. She crouched down low and watched Siranon in the other far corner of his office attempting to place himself into a state of meditation, but obviously he wasn't 'meditating' on the proper things because she was beginning to get mental pictures from him of what he really wanted to be doing with her in that moment!

His control was nearly impeccable since he was not moving from the spot, but his thoughts were having a field day and she found it more and more difficult to keep from crawling back across the floor to him. She was five seconds from throwing herself at him when Sokam entered the office with his medical access override code.

Siranon practically snarled at him but was still able to control himself to some degree. Sokam frowned. "He is nearly a year ahead of schedule."

"He said it came on him fast and with almost no warning."

"Take my word. You do not want to attend him here for the entire time," said Sokam as he scanned his cousin. "Confirmed. He is just past the beginning stages." The Healer frowned. "According to this, it is progressing much too quickly."

"What do we do?" she asked. She always thought when this moment came she would run in the opposite direction. Shanna thought she would get her wits about her, give herself a serious pep talking-to and go back to him, do her duty in fear and horror. But there was obviously something about his condition that was rubbing off on her. And she was starting to want Sokam to leave.

Siranon dropped his hands then, turned and looked past Sokam. "Wife, you are in need of me, I can feel it. Come back here to me! I shall assuage that need!"

She didn't know where that part of herself came from, but her eyes were locked to Siranon's as she told the healer, "Sokam, get us someplace else now or get out and leave us here alone."

The healer scanned her then as his eyes perceptibly widened. "This_ is_ happening much too quickly!"

He ran to the intercom and put in a manual override so that he could transport all three of them someplace else. Shanna didn't know or care where that someplace else was as the transporter beam coalesced around them.

##

They materialized in the sickbay of the embassy. Sokam ran across the room, grabbed a hypo and immediately injected Siranon with it. The man was knocked out instantly.

"That's only going to last fifteen minutes at the rate that his metabolism is burning," said Sokam with rapid language. "I'm transporting him to the proper place. In the meantime, I have called the Lady Amanda down here to speak with you."

Shanna found herself pacing back and forth as Sokam called around to obviously prearranged and oftentimes discreetly used channels put in place for just such an occasion as this.

Siranon disappeared on his own that time via transporter and Sokam began injecting Shanna with hypo after hypo while speaking rapidly. "There is a system I have worked out for humans caught in this situation. Amanda, Maya and one other are the proof that this in fact works as well as it can. I'll let Amanda explain the… sensitive parts to you."

"What about the children?" asked Shanna.

Sokam reassured her. "According to my records, both you and Siranon have come down with Tarkalean flu from a few recent visitors to the embassy. It is a rare and highly contagious strain and you two are being treated by me. It will take you three to eight days to no longer be contagious. In his contingency plan, Siranon asked that I call your mother to see to your children under these circumstances."

Amanda walked into the sickbay then, concern on her face. "Sokam, something urgent is happening?"

"It is the Time. Please, speak with her. You have five minutes," Sokam said curtly and then left the room to them.

"Speak with me about what?" asked Shanna. "I think I know what I'm supposed to do."

Amanda found herself chuckling. "Yes, that's the easy part. It's the parts no one else realized human females were in need of until I emerged from my first time with Sarek half dead. The place we've put aside for this has the basics of everything you'll need. Drink water every chance you get, you need it! The black medikits are for him. There are hypos in there that will put him out, but only for a short time. Each time you use one, he'll be knocked out slightly longer since he'll have less and less of the hormone in his system that produces the mating drive."

"It came on fast and with no warning," said Shanna, a little worried about what that might mean. "I mean is that normal? Is he okay? Sokam ran out of here so fast I didn't get a chance to ask."

"Fast and with no warning? It should be over pretty fast, too. That should be two or three days, at the most, and then he'll be done." She steered her over to a room off to the side of the infirmary, opened a door and led Shanna inside. It was a room that was not used often. There were several sets of 'one size fits all' transparent robes in there. Some were red, some were white and some were green. Amanda picked up a pair of red ones. "Get undressed and put these ones on. I'll stand just outside the door and tell you the rest of what you need to know."

Shanna's eyes bugged. "These are see-through."

"No one else is going to see you except for him," she found herself suppressing laughter. "Don't worry, you get beamed right in and beamed right back out again when it's all over."

Shanna went into the room and began changing as Amanda stood just outside and gave her privacy as she continued speaking to her. "Let's see. Where was I? Oh, yes! The red medikits are for you. White hypos are for pain. The blue are stims. Don't use stims toward the end of the day, ever. Every time you knock him out, take a pain hypo, drink water and go right to sleep. You'll need it. Have a stim hypo right next to you for when he wakes you up, though. There are meal replacement pills in there, but you might forget to use them. Try not to forget to use them or you'll run out of energy no matter how much stim is in you. And to top it off, the stims can make you feel sick on an empty stomach."

Amanda sighed as Shanna stuck her head around the corner. The robes really were embarrassingly see-through. The older woman gave her the most motherly of expressions. "Dear, remember just one thing."

Shanna looked at her eagerly.

"Save his life. That's all you have to do. It will strengthen your bond in ways you never expected. And in Vulcan society, a marriage that's been through the Fire of Pon Farr is seen far more legitimately as one that hasn't gone through it, yet."

She frowned. "But since no one talks about that, how the heck do they know?"

Amanda shook her head. "Somehow they know." She went to walk out of the room and said. "Intercom Sokam right from in there. He'll transport you to where Siranon's been sent. By the time you get there this time your husband is not going to be himself so don't even try and engage him in conversation. By the end of today he's going to be so far gone, he'd knock his own mother over to get to you."

Shanna didn't feel so great about that thought as she watched Amanda leave the infirmary.

##

Just as predicted, things blew through quickly for Siranon. But what burns faster is usually much harsher.

His Time lasted just under 3 days, but Shanna distinctly remembered losing consciousness twice toward the very end of day two.

Amanda had not been kidding. The moment Shanna transported into whatever cave system the embassy had set up for those stuck on Earth during this time, Siranon showed no hint of his former conversational skills. There was only instinct, grunting and moaning. And the snarling when he didn't get his way fast enough! He passed out on his own toward the end of day three. Shanna grabbed a meal replacement pill, drank water and gave herself a shot of painkiller. She grabbed a stim and lay down with it in anticipation of the next day.

On the morning of day four, Shanna found herself being awakened by Siranon gently touching her face. She was on 'automatic pilot' and was about to inject herself with the stim waiting by her side. She lifted it to her arm and raggedly muttered with exhausted false bravado, "Let's get this party started right, loverboy."

But he stopped her hand from administering the stim to her arm. "You will have no need of that any longer, _ashal-veh_," he said, his voice harsh from lack of water. He was mortified at the sight of her, what he had done to her!

She sat up tiredly. "Is that you?" she asked, relieved it was actually over. She went to go and get him some water since he obviously needed it, but she was being stopped by him.

"Do not move!" he was saying, very worried.

Something within had changed between them, she could feel it. Their bond was stronger. She could feel his feelings much more sharply than before, could detect his thoughts, his concerns.

He was angry about how misused she looked. She realized that he was angry with himself. "Do I look that bad?" She shook her head. She saw the need to inform him almost casually, "You know, you don't look so great either. And it's not like you could help it, so stop blaming yourself." She also felt unmistakably drawn to him, more than before. The bond was definitely pulled tighter between them. She didn't want to move from the cave that had been set aside for them, she wanted him to lie back down with her and hold her close, smooth her nerves that were still slightly on edge. It felt like someone had come in while they had slept, taken the mental seams between them, ripped them down the center and then wove them back together again with a more lightweight but stronger thread. Their connection was lighter but much more secure than before. Seamless. Where did he begin and where did she end?

"We must get you to medical assistance," he said quickly as he began searching for whatever he was searching for among the things in the very back of the cave.

"I'm fine," she insisted.

He would not hear of it. He found the communicator placed among the supplies and had them beamed out immediately.

##

Shanna was miffed. She had been transported back to the embassy (without Siranon!) and found herself in a bathroom, alone. She looked in the mirror and almost jumped, she was so horrified by her reflection. "OH!" she exclaimed out loud, taken aback. "I am _WRECKED_!"

Her hair was sticking up in several directions. She thought that was pretty impossible to happen with hair that was past shoulder length and with the treatments she had used on it, but there it was, defying gravity. She was also dirty. There was no other word for her but 'dirty'. There was grit, grime, blood –his and hers- caked on her skin. There were also other fluids dried and crusted to her in places she didn't want to think about for the time being.

There was an unmistakable bruise on her face right below her eye. It looked like she had been either punched or head-butted, but neither thing had happened. That bruise was one of her own making when she had fallen and hit her face on the cave wall. Siranon was supposed to be a raging lunatic at that point, but even while he was 'out of his mind', he had wordlessly sat her down on the ground and touched her face gently to make certain she was all right before having at her again.

She got right into the shower that was waiting. As everything washed off of her skin, the last painkiller she had taken was beginning to wear off. She could feel pain literally all over her body. But there was a serious pain in her tailbone that was starting to become almost debilitating. As she looked down at herself, she could now see bruises up and down her clean arms and legs. There were also a whole lot of unmistakable bite marks and scratches. The worst one, as far as she could tell, was one she couldn't see, but she could feel. It was behind her neck. It had, apparently, been punctured repeatedly. She felt a swell of half embarrassment wash up into her face at the memory of Siranon biting into the back of her neck as he took her from behind. She had a feeling, had it not been for the effects of his blood fever spilling over onto her, she would have been mortified by the experience while it was happening.

But all she could think was that she was not at all dreading the next time. "Okay, I must be out of _my_ mind!" she exclaimed. More and more injuries began to make themselves known simply from pain.

After she stepped out of the shower, there was a knock at the door as she got into some infirmary clothes that were in there waiting for her. She opened the door to see Maya and Amanda standing there, looking very worried.

"Are you okay?" asked Maya.

Shanna smiled. "I'm all right. I'm more than fine. I've just got some bruises that are like really _bad_! How in the world am I going to explain this thing on my face to my mother? And she's not going to want to hear, 'it was just an accident', which ironically it _was_."

"Let's see what Sokam can do about it," Maya nodded.

They took her to the infirmary which happened to be right across the hall from that room with the shower stall. As she walked in, she could see Siranon was already sitting up on a bio-bed, clean and dressed.

Siranon saw his wife struggling to walk in due to the pain in her tailbone and he was instantly up and at her side.

"I was attempting to treat your bruises," Sokam reminded him. The healer was also attempting to disguise his annoyance that the other male had gotten up during his exam.

"You will treat her first," Siranon all but demanded as he helped Shanna up onto a bio-bed.

"I'm okay," she insisted to him.

"You are not," Amanda told her. "Lie down."

She didn't fight that directive at all and lay right down onto the bio bed as Sokam relented and walked over, started examining her. Her husband was on one side of the bed, looking serious and Sokam was on the other side. The Healer actually frowned. "Don't worry about me," Shanna insisted to the both of them. "I look way better now after that shower, I can tell you that!" she joked.

"It is no laughing matter, wife!" Siranon said almost sharply.

She detected it again, he was deeply angry with himself. _Stop beating yourself up about this! You couldn't help it!_

He looked down at her, surprised at how quickly she was able to send him that thought. _It is unforgivable…_

_ There is nothing to forgive…_

He moved away from her and she could feel that he was certainly still upset with himself. He sat back down on his bio-bed.

Maya then said, "Amanda, stop hovering. We should go."

Amanda, ever a mother, sighed heavily. "Oh, I know." She looked at Shanna. "If you need anything-"

"I'll call you," Shanna promised.

"We're family now, don't forget that," she reminded her.

"I know," Shanna said as a sad happiness flooded her soul. She found herself being hugged by the other woman and she didn't know why, but there were tears in her eyes as she gratefully took the hug from her she knew she couldn't go and get from her own mother at that time. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you."

Both women stopped hugging one another, tears in their eyes as Maya pulled Amanda out of the infirmary. Maya looked at Sokam, too, on her way out and gave him a 'look'. He simply sighed. "Do not move," he said to Shanna. "I shall return in ten minutes time." Sokam left.

Except for the couple, the infirmary was now mercifully empty.

Shanna looked over at where Siranon sat. His eyes were closed and he looked as if he were struggling with something. She could also tell, from within, that he was trying to decide if he should wall himself off from her and get himself together. "Don't you dare," she whispered over at him. "Don't you dare leave me alone right now with all of this... this _baggage_."

His head turned as he opened his eyes and finally looked at her again. There was pain in his eyes. "I can see the forefront of your memories, the way that I was toward you."

She had been thinking of how things had been with him back in the cave. Whatever this depressive episode was that was trying to descend upon him, it was nearly making it impossible for him to pick up on her true feelings about the situation. He found himself overly occupied by the 'wrongs' he had committed. So she had to admit to him out loud, "I'm sorry, but it wasn't that bad."

He could tell that she was not lying! "You found enjoyment in my lack of control?" he asked, terribly shocked.

Her first instinct was to make light of things, but she snapped her lips shut. Now was not a time for jokes.

She dug deep to force out the truth of her thoughts and feelings. "Siranon, I love you." She looked away from him in semi-embarrassment as she admitted, "I love you so much it doesn't make sense. And now things are changed between us. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know if it's something that's supposed to happen right when a bond is established or what, but it didn't feel this way before and-" She shook her head. "Now I don't feel the way I thought I would. I didn't know I would feel_ this_ way when this was all over." She was swallowing back tears because she was trying to tell him something and it wasn't coming out right.

He could feel she was sitting on top of a large hill of emotions and feelings boiling beneath the surface. She was having a difficult time dissecting and understanding it all. He put his shame aside, stood carefully, walked back to her, touched his fingers to hers.

His cool head was already returning. He was beginning to realize that he was being deeply affected by what he sensed coming from her and to him. He had never felt that depth of feeling from her before.

She looked up at him and there were fat tears in her eyes, spilling down the sides of her face. "I loved you before, but now- it doesn't make any sense, this _thing_ happening. That sense of love you always felt toward me, I can feel it now, too! I don't know how to control it! It's eating me alive and if you leave me alone with it, I swear, I will axe kick you and then punch in the throat!"

A very deep instinctual part of him appreciated her violence toward him. "Yes, my wife. I will be certain not to leave you alone with these emotions." He placed his forehead to hers for a few seconds as some deep emotion enveloped them both and they were practically breathing one another in and out. A deep pool of something had pulled them in and he realized it was their bond, enveloping them both. He had never experienced this post-Pon Farr moment with T'Shellis! It was a shock to his system.

Shanna reached around with one hand and smacked his backside territorially. "What are you thinking of_ her_ for right now?"

"I was simply remembering that I have never previously experienced this post-Pon Farr closeness at any time."

She frowned. "Never? Not even after that first time?"

His forehead was still connected to hers. "No," he whispered as his eyes closed. "And now you are fully mine."

"Yes, I am," she whispered as she initiated a very tender kiss.

The kiss lingered, progressed slowly, but then their tongues touched, carefully intertwined and slid together as a spark of heat began. Sokam entered the room.

The Healer simply looked at Siranon with a straight face and declared, "Attempting to add to the current state of disrepair of your wife is highly inadvisable at this time."

Siranon moved away from her quickly as he could feel that Shanna was suppressing a serious case of nervous laughter. "I was merely attempting to reassure she who is quite human that I-"

"Excuses are unacceptable," Sokam declared. "Lie down. You are both in need of treatment."

Siranon lay down on his bio bed, but his head turned and held her eyes as she was treated. He could sense that her former hesitancy to have him in her mind was obliterated. She was, internally, pulling him in closer and melting into him. Never before had he experienced the like.

Before, having Shanna keep him almost at arms' distance, even on the inside, he assumed this was the norm for every bond. It was all he had ever experienced with T'Shellis in all of their years together. He realized then that his former bond had been not quite true from the beginning.

This sensation he was experiencing with Shanna, this unconditional acceptance and acquiescence of the two of them blending together, it was both new and breathtaking. _Never and always… touching and touched…_ It was somewhat of a vague meaning to him before. It meant something fully and deeply to him now.

His eyes closed as he realized his Shanna could envelope him fully. He would have to work to maintain control because he wanted her to.


	21. Chapter 21

Twenty-One

Shanna spent the entire day with the babies as soon as she was let out of the embassy infirmary. Her mother came to see her and her face had, mercifully, healed by then since Sokam had focused almost all of her healing capabilities into her tailbone and the bruise on her face. But since her arms and legs were still pretty covered in bruises and bite marks, she found herself donning Vulcan robes.

She was back at work that Thursday wearing maroon colored robes with the standard of the S'chn T'gai. Her shear head covering was a homemade scarf replicated and designed by her. It was an almost tie-dye design, half maroon and half grey to match her eyes. She walked into Telvin's office and he simply sat and looked at her. "You may shut the door," he said.

She closed the door behind her.

At first he didn't speak. The old man simply sat there and surveyed her. "You are… well?" he asked almost carefully.

She was, at first, going to assure him that she was. But she knew she needed to start thinking of things the way that a Vulcan might under these circumstances. So she gave the answer she thought was correct under the circumstances. "I don't know what you mean."

He seemed taken aback at first. Then he relaxed, nodded in open approval. "Yes, of course. That is wise." He looked at her robes. "You wear them well, Lady Shanna."

She was able to keep the smile off of her face from the compliment and she remembered not to thank him for it, either.

"Deliver this directly to Sarek," he said to her as he began to roll up a scroll. He was about to seal it but then he paused. He opened it up again. "You shall read it, first."

Her eyes widened. "I was told to never-"

"I am saying that you should. Things are different now and this scroll affects you directly. Read it."

She took the scroll from him with shaking hands and then read its contents as best she could. There were still about ten percent of the inflections she could not understand, but if what she was reading was correct—"Why would you let me read this?"

"I can say nothing to he who is your husband. You, however, I believe should have time to consider this. It will be solely up to you, in the end. I believe you shall pass inspection with T'Pau. But only if you wish it."

She was growing angry, then. "Do you suppose that I should keep this information from my husband?"

He seemed amused. "No, I do not."

She was confused for one split second. Then she caught onto his wording. _He_ could say nothing to Siranon, however-

"Yes," whispered Telvin slowly as his eyes warmed over.

"There are others who have served longer," she protested. "You, for instance."

"I have no desire for such an office. I never have. And Siranon has in fact served long enough. It has been over 25 years for him. Sarek himself had not served as diplomat 15 years when he was given Earth. Do you know why?"

She understood what he meant before. "He was of the S'chn T'gai." She frowned. "And so is Siranon. But in this situation, it doesn't make sense. I know the protocols for that at least, the choosing of a family for such an assignment. That other world, why would they even want-" She didn't know how to put it. Why would they want her or the human children they had?

He sighed. "There are things that they seek in their specifications, certain values. And your family fulfills nearly all of them. None of the others does so. The other clans will never see the submittal of your family unit coming," he said as he seemed to be inwardly crowing at the thought. "They will never see_ you_ coming."

It took all of her strength to wait for him to seal the scroll and hand it to her.

"Speak and read Vulcan on a more regular basis from this day forth," he was saying. "And learn more of that other world mentioned in the scroll. You shall need the knowledge."

"We haven't been picked, yet," she said seriously. "We haven't even officially been submitted to be chosen."

He looked at her for about five long seconds. "You shall be. Mark my words, you shall be."

##

Shanna was a ball of confusion as she walked over to the embassy. What had changed? Telvin went from thinking of her as a 'maybe' about what the clan would need to a 'definite'.

Pon Farr. That had to be the thing that changed everything. But why? There was a bit of cultural intricacy she was missing out on here. It made her feel vulnerable, almost naked. If after all of these years serving with Vulcans there were still things she could not pick up on, what _other_ social cues and customs was she walking around unaware of?

_My wife, something concerns you deeply…_ Siranon's mind flared to life within hers.

_ Yes. We'll talk about it later, my love._

There was a pause. _I wish for my arms to be around you at this moment. I wish to hear the sound of your cries in my ear…_

_ Siranon, would you stop that!_

_ Is it wrong now to speak truthfully to my lady wife?_

_ You're nuts!_

_ …am I once again being accused of insanity by you?_

She suppressed laughter as she remembered accusing him of being crazy all of those months before when he proposed koon-ut-so-lik to her out of nowhere. He had insisted there was no reason the two of them could not make things work. Time had now shown he had been neither crazy nor wrong. They had found something unexpected in the strangest of places. And here they were now, flirting via a marital bond. _No, I suppose you are more sane than I gave you credit for. But besides that, you're nuts because we have a restriction directly from the Healer or did you forget? I doubt you forgot that!_

He seemed to groan as if he were in pain. _I did not forget…_

_Well I would figure after what WE just went through you wouldn't have a need to—_

_I am at a disadvantage, wife! I remember none of our coupling!_

_ Oh, I remember!_ She taunted as she approached the doors of the embassy. _And I have two weeks to recover and so do you, Mr. Horndogger!_

_ What is the meaning of this word, 'hornd-'_

_ I have to go! I'm delivering a scroll to the embassy._

_ How convenient!_ He snapped at her.

She found herself laughing at him on the inside. She very easily snapped closed the connection between them and reveled in her newfound maneuverability within the bond. Her husband had been strange since Pon Farr, but not in a scary way. She could actually read his intense thoughts and intentions now! She could see why his ex-wife ran away from it and from him. His intensity was too much because she had not loved him back. That was the thing that made a world of difference between her and Siranon. She had become, in a way, as infatuated with him as he was with her.

Previously, anytime she went to the embassy, it was no big deal. But now, while she wore the robes, the other Vulcan females working there looked at her just a little bit longer. And some of them even nodded at her in acknowledgement. She remembered what Amanda said about them 'just knowing'. So they knew. Some part of her wanted to be embarrassed, but another part refused. What she had gone through with Siranon was not only PRIVATE, but she was only just beginning to understand that it was also sacred and not something to be viewed lightly.

She felt as if she were starting to get a handle on living in the Vulcan world.

##

When it was time for the children to go down for bed that night, Siranon had come home in time to help with getting them ready.

"I have news," Siranon said to her as they walked the hallway back to their room after the children were all settled in and sleeping. "I have just learned today that my father and T'Pau come to Earth next week."

She frowned. "Already?"

"You have yet to meet he who is my father," he said, confused.

She sighed. "No. I was talking about T'Pau. There's something we need to discuss."

"About my clan mother?"

"Yes. I have my own news."

##

"And that was the contents of the scroll?" he asked, openly amazed.

"That's what it said."

Siranon had to sit down. "Why would I be in the lead to be considered to become Vulcan's ambassador to a world just inside the neutral zone?"

She shook her head. "Telvin said something about our family being in line with the values held by the Mashtik. Since they're not in the Federation, information on them is kind of classified. I wasn't able to find out one blessed thing about them, their world or their people. Him telling me to research them was- I have no way of getting into the database. I don't have the clearance for that."

He looked extremely concerned. "I have partial clearance. And from what I know of the Mashtik… how much do you understand about the Debrune?"

"I did some research on them years ago. Weren't they ancient Romulans?"

"To some extent, yes."

"There isn't that much information, but from what I gathered I thought they were all dead?"

"To our knowledge, they are. However, it is believed that the world called Aqueous II by the Federation was in fact populated by a very advanced sect of an ancient Debrune scientist. The inhabitants call it Mashtik as do the Romulans."

She felt a little queasy hearing the word 'sect'.

"Yes, my wife, you have noticed that particular word. When science, philosophy and religion intersect at a crossroads few have seen, it has a tendency to make others unnerved. It is the speculation of the Vulcan Academy that has access to this information that the pre-Mashtik were, in a way, ostracized by Debrune society. So they collected themselves and formed their own society, became a space-faring civilization for two centuries before they founded what they came to call Mashtik."

"Well why do they want a Federation ambassador there now all of a sudden?"

"Apparently their society is quite divided. They think that if they look to the past, it will help their future."

She frowned. "The past?"

"They have asked specifically for a Vulcan ambassador. And they have also asked for a Romulan ambassador. The Federation readily agreed. But the Romulans had the condition that if they accepted a Romulan ambassador, they also had to accept a Klingon contingent, as well. Apparently there is some agreement or alliance between those two peoples that we still do not yet fully comprehend understand."

She shook her head. "But our family, where do we come in?"

"You said that the scroll mentioned that a dossier on us is being compiled for submittal?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "T'Pau is coming here to see if you are fit for the role of ambassador's an wife. If I am correct, she has perhaps already considered Ambassador Sarek and his wife and they have probably flatly refused. There were only two other couples in our clan fit to become ambassadors and one of them just dissolved their bond. All of the other clans are also compiling dossiers and the S'chn T'gai will want to make certain they send forth their greatest prospect to win this position."

"Why us? That other couple, I assume they're both Vulcans? Wouldn't they be more fit to represent your planet?"

Siranon nearly smirked. "The Mashtik consider children sacred. They also consider it one of the greatest and bravest things to marry something other than where you are from."

Her eyebrows rose. "Can I assume that other couple doesn't have any children, either?"

"You would assume correctly."

She looked at him seriously. "Do you want this posting?"

He tried his best to contain himself. "My wife, I do not 'want' or 'not want' this assignment. My greatest concern is what you are willing to agree to. You did not marry me with the understanding that you would become an ambassador's wife. It would be unfair of me to change things between us after the fact of our marriage."

But she sensed it buried deep within him. He thought he was hiding it. She knew that before, she would not have detected his true wishes. But he wanted this assignment. He wanted it badly. Curiosity truly was the thing that would catch a Vulcan every time! And she had to admit to herself, this was the chance of a lifetime, something she never in a million years thought she would even get near when she became a staff member at the Vulcan embassy. "I want it, too," she admitted. "I just wish politics wasn't involved." And there were other worries there, beneath the surface.

He stood and pulled her into his arms. "I will make it very clear to T'Pau, the moment my family is in direct danger I will pull you from that world never to return. I am unwilling to lose any of you. Do you understand my meaning?"

"Yes," she said as she looked up into his eyes. "But I have to make something clear to you from the start. We both want this, but I'm not jumping through hoops for anybody for it. I will act appropriately, dress appropriately, the whole nine yards. But I will not alter my looks, my voice, my accent, anything that is inherently 'me' for this position. Do I make myself clear?"

"I would find any form of alteration to you to be unacceptable," he informed her.

She sighed. She hadn't realized she was nervous about what he might say to her not budging on giving up any part of her identity. But she started realizing that it might be a non-point. "She might meet me and decide I'm not right for this posting, anyway, so there is that."

He shook his head. "No. I doubt that sincerely."


	22. Chapter 22

Twenty-Two

The week passed and things actually seemed normal during that time. Shanna went into a nervous spin of energy. Not only was she having the house cleaned, she was getting down on her hands and knees to clean certain parts herself. Siranon could not help but point out that the house was already impeccable.

"But it has to be perfect!" she said as she made sure to catch any dust along the baseboards.

"My wife," he reminded her, "T'Pau herself shall not come here. We shall see her at the embassy."

"I know that!" she snapped. "But your father is going to be staying here."

Siranon noticed she was on edge. "Perhaps it would be advantageous for you to take a day for yourself before their arrival."

She looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"You are either at work, with the children or attending to myself. In between all of that, you always manage to find time to attend to the wishes of your mother. Perhaps it is best if you allowed yourself a day to do whatever it is you wish. Perhaps it will improve your mood."

Her eyes narrowed as she stood and threw the rag down onto the ground. "So now I've got an attitude problem?" she snapped as she put her hands on her hips.

Siranon's eyes widened. How had this happened? He was attempting to make things better but they were seemingly becoming worse? "My wife, I did not mean to suggest-"

She went and sat down on their bed, lips trembling. "No, you're right," she said rapidly. "I'm just a ball of nervous energy and-" she thought of something that had happened the day before. She hadn't felt right ever since.

"My wife, you did not tell me what happened yesterday when you took the children to the museum."

Shanna sighed. "I know I didn't say anything. I guess I've been trying to process what happened."

He knew something untoward had occurred. "Please, my wife, tell me. Perhaps together we may see how to help you through the situation."

She sighed. "All right. But it might not make sense to you as to why it bothered me so much."

"I shall listen to all you have to say."

##

It was Saturday morning and Shanna was excited. Even though Siranon had a conference he was required to attend, Lisa insisted they still go to the children's sensory friendly museum. Reianna came along so she would have an extra set of hands and not have to juggle two babies at the same time.

The three ladies set out and were having a grand time together. Gino was having fun touching everything he was allowed to get his hands on. Lisa was smiling as guided her son into trying all sorts of new textures and holo-grid interactions. Reianna had Henry in a sling on the front of her. Ananda had already begun toddling around, cruising while holding onto things, occasionally letting go and walking on her own for a couple of seconds before falling on her backside or finding a wall to stabilize her. She was almost one and very proud of her newfound walking status.

Shanna followed close behind Ananda at all times while the small girl interacted with the sensory displays throughout the museum.

At one point, Lisa took Gino over to a display off to the side. A woman walked up to her and said, "I haven't seen you in forever!"

Lisa looked very uncomfortable as she looked over at Shanna. Reianna sensed the mood had changed substantially and then it grew worse as the lady looked over and saw Shanna. "Oh, hi!" she said cheerfully.

But Reianna sensed that this person, whoever she was, had been mostly neutral toward Lisa and not as glad to see her as her exterior had represented. But at the sight of Shanna, her mood had gone from neutral to vitriolic anger and jealousy. "Oh wow, I never expected to run into you here!" she said to Shanna as she walked over to her and gave her a hug.

Shanna looked slightly taken aback. "Hey, Paula, how you doing?" she asked nicely.

But Reianna sensed that Shanna was not at all glad to see her, either; Shanna's emotions had become wary and on guard though she gave off the look of being relaxed and happy.

The carrier of covert negativity, Paula, turned to Reianna, then. "Hi, I'm Paula. Is that your baby?"

Reianna gave off a piece of a smile trying to figure out who this person was. "No. This is Shanna's baby. I'm just the nanny."

Paula frowned as she looked between Ananda and Henry. "How did you get _two_ babies this close in age? You've been busy, haven't you?"

Shanna smiled genuinely then. "It's called adoption."

Then Paula realized what she had heard. "Nanny? What kind of job did you score to be able to adopt two kids and have a nanny?"

Lisa was inching closer with Gino, hoping that things didn't take a turn for the ugly.

"Oh, I got married. Since he was in the process of adopting the boy and I was adopting Ananda, it just worked out that way," said Shanna not wanting to give up too much information.

Paula's smile was instantly gone. "Married? So you got the baby and then basically dumped me as your best friend to spend all your time with her-" she began to rant, her voice raising as she looked at little Ananda.

"I told you," Shanna cut her off as she tried to keep her voice down, "when I got Ananda that you were free to come and see me anytime you wanted but you decided you didn't want to do that."

"Well your friends are supposed to be a_ priority_ in your life," she nearly hissed as she looked at both of the babies as if they were a problem, even cast a look Gino's way, as well. "But then people start having _children_," she spat out the word, "and then they don't have time for anyone else after that."

"I'm sorry that you don't like children, okay?" Shanna said as nicely as possible. "That's your prerogative, but Ananda's my family and she needed me and I was there for her. I was there for you, too, but you didn't want to be around her and that is not my fault."

"So I guess this guy you're with that can afford a nanny is rich?" Paula said as she continued with her beef. "I bet you've also given up your career and everything else you used to want to do just to be with him, whoever he is?"

Shanna tried to remember why she had been friends with Paula for so many years. Once upon a time she had been a kind, considerate friend who was always up for going out at all hours and ready to have fun at a moment's notice. She could drink anyone under the table. But the party was getting old as they all started entering their 30s. Paula wasn't ready to give up the party and no one else minded that. The problem was she thought everyone else was stupid for getting married or having children and little by little leaving the party world behind. She had always been very vocal about that point of view, so this wasn't exactly a full-on shock to either of the ladies.

Shanna was feeling terribly judged as she stood and lifted Ananda into her arms. She could feel tears trying to break to the surface but she refused to let them fall. Had she been through so much she could no longer keep her feelings hidden? "I want to go now," she said to Lisa and Reianna.

"Let's go," said Reianna.

The three ladies took the children and began leaving the museum. It was bad enough that Paula's antics had attracted attention.

The intruder ex-friend scoffed. "It's just like you, acting like you're such a perfect _lady_! Let's leave the loud girl behind! Well don't forget where you came from since you went and got yourself some kind of rich sugar daddy!" The three ladies kept on walking. "And Lisa!" Paula yelled after them and dug things in even more. "Shanna's not _really_ your friend, you know! She's just hanging out with you because you two losers have kids! If it wasn't for that baby, she'd still be hanging with _me_."

They retreated to a children's chain restaurant with games and coloring books and mini toys. As Gino ate his pizza eagerly, Reianna was the one who broke the silence. "Ladies, I have to tell you something. That individual, Paula whatever-her-family-name-is? Very unstable. Has she always been like that?"

Lisa was the one that spoke. "Well I didn't hang out with her as much. Up until earlier this year, she mainly hung out with Shanna."

Shanna looked at Lisa, "You know what she said about the reason I'm your friend is not true."

Lisa waved off the words. "Girl, she had no idea how often you and I hung out when I had Gino. You were the only one that came and kept me company most of the time!" She scoffed. "I won't let her poison words do a thing to our friendship."

Shanna shook her head. "Lisa, I'm sorry."

"Why?" asked Lisa, confused.

"I remember, years ago you tried to warn me about her and I didn't listen."

Lisa remembered that conversation well but admitted, "I thought she was kind of nuts, but I didn't think she was going to turn into _that_!"

Ananda decided to put her hands directly into her applesauce at that point and squeal happily as she flung her hand around. The applesauce went flying and hit a couple of people in the next booth. "I am so sorry!" Shanna said quickly as she grabbed Ananda's hand and stopped her from her happy sharing of applesauce.

The couple in the next booth just smiled. "She's a baby! That's what babies do!" the woman said.

Shanna was relieved as she looked at Ananda. "Naughty girl!" she said as she forced herself not to smile. She knew if she smiled at her even in the slightest, Ananda would try and do it again.

Some of the applesauce had landed on Gino's head and Lisa had to force herself not to laugh as she wiped it out of her son's curls. "I want you to promise me," said Lisa, "that you're not going to let her words bother you, all right?"

"Besides," Reianna interjected, "her pupils had the look of someone altered by some chemical substance."

Shanna's eyes opened wide. "Drugs. That's why she was going off the deep end like that!"

Lisa gasped, "No way!"

Shanna remembered, "You know, when we would go out to parties, she used to try things out. I never wanted to do any of that. After I let her know that I was not doing any of that, ever, she never bothered me about it again and made sure I never saw her do that stuff. But she never got strung out or anything, she was just into the recreational scene."

"Well something got her hooked," said Lisa. "She was high in the afternoon!"

It served to add to Shanna's depressed mood.

##

"And you have felt negatively affected since these things transpired?" asked Siranon.

She nodded. "I know her life is not my life and I'm not her keeper or anything, but we were friends for so long. And if she's strung out on something, she's either in a lot of trouble or about to get into a lot of trouble." She looked down as she sighed sadly. "I feel awful about it. And I know there really isn't anything I can do about it if she doesn't want help."

"How do you know she does not wish to have help?"

"You don't know Paula. She could have a knife sticking out of her and she would insist that she's fine and she would be offended and actively fight you off if you tried to drive her to the hospital to have it safely removed."

Siranon sighed heavily. It was one of those times, he knew, there was nothing he could do to lighten his wife's mood. "_Ashal-veh_, I am sorry," was all he said.

She leaned into him and put her arms around his waist. "Just hug me, okay?"

He did so.

##

As per Siranon's suggestion, Shanna got into a hover and drove herself over to the mall. Lisa wasn't able to go that day so she wound up flying solo. She knew he was not pleased that she had decided not to take security with her but at that moment she didn't need one more reminder of how drastically her life had changed so quickly. Things were happening so fast, one after the other. She surmised maybe a day of retail therapy would lift her spirits.

She walked into the mall and felt a strange sense of comfort at the milling semi-crowds of people from all over the galaxy browsing the stores. She found an evening gown place and began to shop in earnest for a ball gown for the gala event being held by Earth's government in honor of T'Pau's visit. She knew the official reception held at the embassy didn't require her to wear a gown, but the UFP Earth division party would.

One of the store employees went up to her and asked, "Can I help you, today?"

She smiled at the woman and said, "Yes, I'm going to a formal event in a few days and I need a gown. I can't seem to make up my mind about style, though."

The woman smiled widely. "I can help you with that."

After an hour of searching and talking about style options, Shanna wound up speaking with an in-house designer. He took her measurements and the idea of one gown fused with another and told her to return in 48 hours to try the garment on for final sizing.

She left the store happy, feeling like she had actually accomplished something. She wound up two floors down in the mall picking out shoes for the dress that was being made. She left the store with them and was about to go to a jeweler when she heard someone behind her say, "So he lets you out of his sight?"

She turned quickly to see Willem standing there. She rolled her eyes and wondered _what did I do to deserve the past few days?_ "Hey, how are you?" she asked politely.

He smiled handsomely. "I'm doing great. I just wanted to say sorry about that last time we ran into each other." He shrugged. "I guess I was just shocked."

She nodded, but did not smile. "Thanks for the apology."

His eyebrows rose and he had an air about him as if he were waiting for her to say something. "And?"

She frowned then. "And what?"

"What about my apology?"

She was confused. "You did apologize."

"No! Don't you think you should give me one?"

"For what?" she snapped.

He shrugged. "We just had some unfinished business and I feel like you just took off and never dealt with it."

"I was heartbroken. Whatever I decided to do was my business and not yours. What, you still feel I 'gave up too easily' on us when I found out about what was going on?"

"Shanna, I just feel like we could have been good together," his eyes plead. "I mean, really good. And I admit I have always sabotaged every relationship I've ever been in. And I want to say I'm sorry I did that to you. What I did was terrible. All right?"

And suddenly, Shanna felt as if she had true closure about what had happened between them. But there was one point she could not forgive. "And Lewis? The way you just took him away from me?"

He looked honestly regretful about that. "I'm sorry I did that. But you've moved on and you have other kids now and-"

Tears sprang to her eyes. "Moved_ on_? Lewis didn't deserve to have two mothers taken from him. First he loses his real mother and then the woman who took care of him for two years is gone overnight? Do you know what kind of damage that does to a kid? Does he think I just left him behind?"

Willem sighed heavily. "Every time he asked for you I told him you loved him very much."

Her heart was breaking. "He _asked _for me?"

Willem seemed to be having a hard time with the subject, as well. He looked away from her, half ashamed. "He went through a period of bad behavior and he was acting out and I had to take him to therapy."

She was wiping tears away. "And what happened?"

Willem shook his head. "The therapist asked if I could bring you back into his life somehow, even long distance, so he knows you're okay since he wondered if something bad happened to you."

"And you never _called_ me?" she asked, horrified. "I was always willing to see him!"

He looked patently ashamed. "I'm trying now, Shanna. I think it's a sign that I've suddenly seen you twice in less than three months. And I'm rethinking my decision to let you have contact with him."

"What does that even mean?" she asked.

He sighed. "Maybe you should talk to him on a viewscreen every once in a while or something. This way he knows you're okay and you still care about him."

"Can I see him in person?" she asked, tears running down her face unashamedly.

Willem swallowed as his beautiful blue eyes held hers. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

Shanna nodded. "Okay. That's your prerogative as his father." She turned to walk away.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I have to go home. I don't feel too well."

She began walking out of the mall, bag in hand, and felt somewhere between sick and numb. Lewis thought something bad had happened to her? And still, she told herself over and over, there was nothing she could do about the situation. She loved him but he was not her child. It hurt her every time she thought that, but it was true. She got into her hover and let herself cry for a few minutes before she started it up and headed home. Maybe, she thought, it was time to leave the past in the past. All of it. But that, she knew, was easier said than done.

##

Siranon was waiting for Shanna in their room at home. "My wife, I detected a serious spike of emotional grief from you while you were out today."

She dropped the bag on the floor holding her new shoes and got straight into bed and pulled the blanket up over her head. "I don't want to talk about it," came her muffled voice from under the covers.

His eyes squinted. He knew of only one person that brought about this mood from her. "Who did you see?"

"I ran into _Willem_," she said from under the covers.

He quickly crossed the room and pulled the comforter from off of her, nearly enraged. He found himself unable to control the heavy dose of jealously pumping through his system. Until he saw his wife's face was covered in tears. "Shanna?" he asked, crestfallen. She covered her face with her hands and just bawled. He realized she was honestly upset about something, he surmised it most likely had to do with Willem's son. "Is it about the child?" he asked as he sat her up.

She nodded. "But I have to just let it go, I guess, until his father decides whether he wants me to see him. I have to just let it go."

"He stated that it is a possibility you would be able to see the child?"

Shanna swallowed back grief as she thought of only seeing him on a viewscreen and not in person. "In a way," she said disgustedly as she forced herself to stand up. "I'm going to take a shower and I'm going to let this go and then I'm going to go across the house and take care of my children."

Siranon nodded as he watched her go into their bathroom. It occurred to him then that life on Earth did not seem to be treating his wife very well. She had too many unresolved issues here. Perhaps it would be better, he mused, if he took her off-planet sooner rather than later. It was time, he thought, to take her to Vulcan.


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N - Sorry it took so long to update! But when school is out and my son is at home, it is difficult to write or proofread. Then there's the job I began this summer... it was a crazy summer, LOL! But my boy has returned to school and I work part-time for now, so I have some time to write these days once again, yay!_

_Shanna's been having such a rough time, I decided to have a little bit of fun for a little while before going back into the serious stuff again._

* * *

Shanna grabbed an early workout at the gym with Lisa in order to work off her nervous energy about meeting Siranon's father and T'Pau that day.

"You're going to be fine," Lisa told her before she turned and went to leave the parking lot of the gym.

"Hey, Lisa?" she said to her friend's retreating back.

Lisa turned back around. "Yeah?"

"You're a great friend. Thanks for being there for me so much. I really appreciate it."

Lisa smiled and went back to where she stood and gave her a huge hug. "You'll be fine," she said one last time.

So Shanna went home, showered and dressed in a set of robes that had been specially made for occasions when one meets with the Clan Mother. She was partial to the color maroon, but these robes were brown. She sighed heavily as she looked at herself in the mirror to make sure she looked presentable and well groomed.

Siranon stood next to her in his own robes that were nearly identical to hers and checked his reflection. She knew then that a piece of why she was so tense was because since his Pon Farr, two full weeks hadn't passed and they weren't yet cleared to have any kind of physical contact. And looking at him standing next to her all covered up made her want to rip his robes off, expose his skin and-

"Wife!" he said sharply as he looked down at her, "Do not think such thoughts at this time!"

"It's been a while," she tried to say neutrally.

"Painfully so," he acknowledged.

She found herself smiling just the slightest. "I'll try and have pure thoughts."

"Thank you, my wife." He turned and began putting away several items he had just finished rearranging in their closet.

But Shanna found herself looking at him, anyway, as her thoughts ran away with her. Just the turn of his head, the slope upward of the curve of his ear to its fine point at the end, even his hands were so wonderfully manly! She inadvertently sent the mental picture to him of lightly biting the tips of his fingers.

He inhaled sharply and stopped in his tracks.

Her eyes widened. "Sorry! Sorry!" she said quickly. "My mind wandered!"

His eyes narrowed. Just from the look on his face she could tell that he was going to make her pay for that as soon as it was possible. She bit her lower lip at him, remembered all of those times he had used their bond to get at her. "Turnabout is fair play, isn't it?" she asked naughtily as he actually shook his head in disbelief.

Siranon regained his footing quickly. "Though I acknowledge I may have in fact earned this bit of mischief, I submit that in three days time you shall regret it fully."

A deep streak of intense anticipation very much like from the days before they bonded nearly overwhelmed her. "We will see now, won't we?" she asked, much more bold than she used to be.

He was the one taken aback then as his eyes became fire. She exited their room under his watchful gaze. But of course, he had to have the last word! _Yes, you most certainly shall…_

##

The nannies kept the children for the first half of the afternoon while the couple went over to the embassy. Shanna had to make certain to keep a straight face as she held Siranon's fingers because every time they did so, the current state of their relationship flowed between the two of them. And at that time, the current state was 'aroused and frustrated'.

They met Amanda and Sarek in the lobby of the embassy as well as Sokam and Maya. Everyone wore Vulcan robes. The three human women stood together at one point, speaking with one another in very hushed tones while other conversations proceeded in the background.

"How have you been feeling?" Amanda whispered to her.

"I'm actually doing fine, all things considered," laughed Shanna. She looked over at Siranon and he gave her one raised-eyebrow as his eyes quickly surveyed her from head to toe and then returned to his conversation with Sarek and Sokam.

"You're both going nuts with the two week restriction, aren't you?" whispered Maya with a full grin.

"How did you know?" whispered Shanna. Then she shook her head. "You've been through this. Sorry for the dumb question."

"It messes with the IQ after a time," joked Amanda.

"Have you ever met Siranon's father?" Shanna asked them both, very curious. "I mean, what's he like?"

"He's a sweet man," Maya said with a smile that warmed over. "Years ago he was kind to me when I needed it so badly." She looked over at Sokam. "And he gave my husband and me some invaluable advice that probably saved our new marriage. But that's a story for another time."

"Oh wow," Shanna said, wide-eyed.

Amanda smirked. "Maya, for some reason, seems immune to the effect Siranon's father has on the other females of the galaxy."

"Immune?"

"You'll see what I'm talking about," Amanda nearly giggled. "Let's just say he has some…distracting…abilities. He caused a ruckus once at a Vulcan embassy on another world simply from showing up for one of their dinners."

Several other members of the staff began descending the steps then, in proper honorific dress robes for T'Pau.

"Time for the reception line," Amanda quipped and then went and stood with Sarek.

##

Twenty minutes later, Shanna was standing next to Siranon, holding his fingers in hers. T'Pau had beamed down directly into the embassy to their first floor transporters.

The door opened and in she walked, her security men all around her. Directly behind her was a man who held a striking resemblance to her husband, just a century older. With all of the new Vulcans that were now entering the embassy with T'Pau, Shanna realized then that being with the same Vulcans day in and day out, she had gotten used to them and their neutral expressions. But these strangers actually made her feel a little nervous.

Everyone kneeled down on one knee and Shanna dropped quickly, almost at the same time as they. As T'Pau passed them all by, for those who were not members of her clan, she merely nodded in greeting, but for those who were, she touched their foreheads for a split second.

When T'Pau reached Sarek, however, she fully touched the side of his head and closed her eyes while she checked him psionically. After a short time, she opened her eyes, nodded once with satisfaction and then moved on down the line. By the time she hit their part of the line, Shanna didn't expect her to do anything but touch their foreheads. Siranon, however, was also checked psionically by her in the same way that Sarek had been checked.

Thoroughly distracted by the correlation of facts that finally converged for her, Shanna found herself calculating in her head and realized that Sarek and Amanda had disappeared from the embassy for precisely six days one month before her and Siranon had begun seeing one another seriously. There had been no mention on the 'travel board' of them going to any destination. She was so distracted, T'Pau's hand reaching out to touch her mind at the same time as she touched Siranon's sliced into her new mental calculations of the fact that perhaps men of this particular clan all Pon Farred roughly within mere months of one another. Almost on the heels of that, new calculations began that perhaps all men of each clan Pon Farred on some kind of interlaced schedule determined by date of birth which would perhaps interlock with their own father's patterns and perhaps if she had more informati—

_Interesting calculations_ came T'Pau's obviously amused words into her mind. _It would make an interesting study, would it not, if such information were kept on record?_

Shanna's brain pretty much shut down at that point as she fought off a kind of embarrassment at geeking out at the most inopportune moment.

That quickly, T'Pau's hands moved from the couple as she went down the line and greeted all who had come to see her. Shanna looked up then into the kind eyes of the man who resembled her husband so strongly. They were eyes that pulled in whoever looked into them. He looked over at Siranon then. "My son," he greeted with obvious vocal warmth.

"Father," Siranon nodded once.

Everyone was already standing and beginning to disperse since T'Pau had reached the end of the receiving line.

Siranon's father turned then and touched fingers with both Sokam and Maya. There was the slightest upturn of one side of his mouth at Maya and then the couple left, on with their day. His face was neutral once again.

He spoke for a short time with Amanda and then Sarek. Amanda's blush was terribly apparent as she spoke to him and then she left for her day, but Sarek remained.

And then he turned and looked directly at her. "I am Silnek, father of Siranon. You are Lady T'Shanna, I presume, the new daughter of my house?"

Shanna found herself slightly overwhelmed. This man was older and wore charisma like a comfortable cloak. She now understood where Siranon had gotten that side of himself, but Silnek seemed to be not just _better_ at it, he seemed either unable or unwilling to mask it the way his son could. He gave the impression of gracing someone with an all encompassing smile without doing so. In all of her years dealing with Vulcans she had never met one like this. She saw, already, what Amanda was talking about. This man was distracting. She pushed herself to speak up. "Yes, I'm Shanna," she nodded at him.

Silnek looked over at Siranon. "Where is my grandchild? I wish to see him."

"He is at home, father, with his sister," said Siranon.

"Yes," Silnek then looked at Shanna, once again. "A new grandchild. I wish to meet her."

Shanna found herself smiling almost against her will. "As soon as we go home, you can see the children."

"May we leave at once?" Silnek asked Siranon.

"As you wish, father," he said.

"Perhaps T'Pau will wish to accompany us," said Silnek as he looked over at the clan mother whom was conversing with T'Qel, one of the eldest members of the embassy staff.

Shanna saw that T'Pau was ending her conversation then to cross back over to where they were. T'Pau nodded once, "Silnek, I shall accompany you to the home of your son. I wish to see these children at least once today before I continue on with the business at hand with the President."

T'Pau's guards accompanied them out of the embassy. Shanna found herself sandwiched between Siranon on one side and Silnek on the other. T'Pau stood next to Silnek.

When they exited the embassy, Siranon quickly took her fingers into his. A large retinue of press had come to see and take footage of T'Pau. Shanna felt a slight bit of panic because she knew her picture would wind up splashed across the galaxy just by being in close proximity to the clan mother. But she knew it was too late to do anything about it and kept a straight face as she walked with everyone as if she did this sort of thing every day. Truthfully, she was overwhelmed and would give her last credit to just get back into bed and pull the covers up over her head. And then she remembered her possible future. This would be it, as the wife of an ambassador. Was this what she really wanted?

She looked over at Siranon. It was what he wanted and she wanted him to have what he wanted, so she would do it if she could.

They went back to the home and Shanna was extra glad she had been so fanatical about the cleaning of the place. They quickly brought Silnek to the room he would be staying in.

They dropped by the nursery after that. Shanna noticed that Reianna, for once, hung back silent. T'Lera was the one conversing with T'Pau and Silnek while holding Henry and Siranon held Ananda.

Shanna stepped into the children's bathroom with the Betazoid nanny and asked her, with a grin, as she closed the door and locked it, "What's gotten into _you_?"

Reianna's face colored up. "You can tell? Oh my goodness!" she exclaimed on a whisper. "I am so sorry to say this about your father-in-law, but by nature I am a truthful woman and can't keep this sort of thing pent up for long. That is the_ sexiest_ older man I have ever seen in my life. I go silent every time I see him. I feel like a deer in headlights whenever he looks at me! He has a telepathic _thing_ going on that makes no sense! Never have I met another Vulcan who has that…that…that THING emanating from him."

Both Shanna and Reianna looked at the closed door with wide eyes, grateful that the room was soundproof. The two young ladies looked back at one another then and burst into heavy laughter. Shanna said, "That's what Amanda tried to warn me about!"

Reianna gossiped, "When I first started working here, Silnek came in from Vulcan three days later. Oh my goodness! I have never been a shy woman, not once in my life! Well I saw him and I started wondering, does he have this effect on everyone? Then they hired Ms. Tyler. You should see what happens to _her_ around him. Poor woman turns red and starts stuttering! Do you know he's _banned_ from setting foot in one embassy near the Romulan border?"

Shanna's grin grew worse as she said, "I can't wait to see what happens to my _mom_ when she meets him!" They were both dissolved into a fit of true hysterical laughter at that point. Then Shanna forced herself to get a straight face. "Okay, we have to go back out there. I'm okay. Now that I know its normal, I'll get over it faster."

"Time to face the hotness," said Reianna with a half grin. "With pleasure!"

##

The rest of the day was nearly uneventful since T'Pau had to go on about her business, but she seemed to enjoy her short time with the children very much. Shanna remembered then that this woman had had three children of her own and had countless great-grandchildren by that point.

It was at dinner that night that the first hiccup in the day's events occurred. The children had already been taken up to their room for the night after having been fed by Shanna and Siranon. It was now only Siranon, Silnek and Shanna at the dinner table.

"May I ask," said Silnek quite seriously, "due to the nature of what has just passed if I shall have another grandchild sometime soon? Surely you must know by now," he said as he looked directly at Shanna.

She almost dropped her glass. Siranon was the one that answered, "Due to the ages of the children we already have, Shanna and I have opted to wait a while before attempting to conceive a biological child."

Silnek nodded. "I see." He turned his gaze back to Shanna. "May I ask, T'Shanna, when do you anticipate that shall be?"

She felt a terrible blush spreading up from the bottom of her feet. Her eyes looked down at the table quickly. "I don't know. When did _you_ think I should?" she found herself asking seriously. She was actually ready to throw their plans out of the window just to make her father-in-law happy.

Siranon was shocked at that as he looked over at her, wondering what had happened. She had been quite adamant that they should wait at least three years! "My wife?" he asked. "I thought we agreed-"

"Perhaps she is open to a new timetable," said Silnek as he continued to stare at her.

Shanna realized then that whatever that ability was that he had, it encompassed whoever was in the room not being able to tell him 'no'. And he knew it. And he was using it. _He must really want more grandkids! _A sort of panic overwhelmed Shanna as she stood quickly and pasted a smile on her face. "I'm going to go and call my mother and see what's keeping her! She's supposed to come by and meet you! I'll be right back!" she said rapidly and then she was gone, out of the kitchen!

Siranon's eyebrow rose. It was the fastest he had ever seen his wife move.

* * *

_A/N - What do you think will happen when Shanna's mother meets Silnek?  
_


	24. Chapter 24

Shanna was so busy trying to run to the communications room, she didn't realize that there was a security man at the front door opening it for her mother. Shanna saw her mother step into the house and her eyes opened wide.

Mrs. Castillo had taken her very curly hair and put it up in an almost proper bun, but she had put a few sprinkles of glitter in the very top in an almost hot purple color. The design outline of the glitter was in the pattern of a heart. She was also wearing a well put together suit along with a pair of cowboy boots but her bag was sporting several trinkets and charms of the sort you saw on a child's wrist or schoolbag. The charms gave off a slight tinkling sound as she moved about. But Shanna was so at her wit's end, she only barely registered her mother's bizarre hair glitter and bag trinkets. As it was, this was the most straight edged her mother had ever dressed! "Mom, listen, whatever you do, don't look into his eyes!" she whispered almost frantically.

Her mother looked taken aback. "Shani, what are you talking about? Are you ill?" she asked as she extended a hand to check the temperature of her head.

But Siranon and Silnek were already coming out of the kitchen to meet them. "—sounds as if my mother-in-law has already arrived," Siranon was saying.

Her mother shook her head at Shanna and then turned to look at Siranon. "Good to see you again, son-in-la-" and she stopped cold as Silnek came into her field of vision.

"Not the eyes!" Shanna was hissing on a whisper.

"Oh _my_," her mother half whispered, tone changing as she looked Silnek up and down. "Who might _you_ be?" she addressed the question to the older Vulcan.

"I am Silnek, father of Siranon. I believe you are Shanna's mother?"

She looked half dazed for a second. "Oh, um, yes!" she said as she 'came to'. "I'm Noreen Brown, but everyone still calls me Mrs. Castillo. That's my deceased ex-husband's name. Deceased. _Ex_," she said explicitly as she nodded.

Silnek practically swept forward. "It is an honor to meet you, Lady Castillo." He bowed slightly.

Shanna heard her mother's sharp intake of breath and knew this was turning into a little bit too much. "Oh my…" Noreen began to say, "Shani, you never saw fit to warn me that your father-in-law was so-"

"Dessert!" Shanna threw out quickly. "I made a fruit salad and there's fresh whipped cream for anyone that cares for it!" She grabbed her mother's arm and began pulling her into the kitchen.

They both reached the kitchen before Siranon and Silnek and Mrs. Castillo turned to her daughter, wide-eyed. "I feel like I just got hit with a bucket of hot water! What in the hell-"

"I don't know!" Shanna whispered back at her mother. "But for heaven's sakes, don't say anything about it to him."

"Don't _say _anything?" asked her mother, confused. "Talk about an elephant in the room!"

"To what elephant are you referring?" asked Siranon as he and Silnek reentered the kitchen, both Vulcans looking around, seemingly searching for an elephant of some kind.

Shanna ran to the refrigerator to pull out the fruit salad and hoped her mother wouldn't say anything. But Silnek wasn't making things any easier as he strode into the kitchen and halfway leaned against one of the counters, eyes trained on Mrs. Castillo. "I was attempting to talk your daughter into producing more grandchildren on an earlier timetable just before you arrived."

The top of Shanna's head crept up over the topside of the open refrigeration unit, eyes wide. And her eyes were begging, trying to get her mother's attention!

"Oh, yes! I would_ love_ more grandchildren!" Mrs. Castillo said with a silly grin since all of Silnek's attention was being shined directly on her. The man leaned on the counter as if it were specifically made as a leaning apparatus just for him. She was so busy looking at him that she could not see Shanna's head shaking frantically.

Shanna stuck her head back down and disappeared behind the unit, then, since the conversation seemed to be back to the previous topic she had tried to flee before. "That guy is like a dog that gets a hold of a ragdoll and won't let go," she muttered to herself as she pulled out the fruit salad. She began searching for the whipped cream, hoping the topic would change. But she could hear the whole conversation and that hope was dashed when she heard her mother's next words.

"Well I always told Shani she should just go ahead and have another as soon as possible in order to get it out of the way and then there you go, you have three children and you get to raise them all up together."

"Is that so?" said Silnek with great interest.

"But not our Shani, no, she has her mind set on how she wants things to go."

Siranon finally spoke up, then. "My wife and I have already agreed between us to a possible timetable of reproduction."

Shanna breathed a sigh of relief that Siranon had finally said something.

"You are aware," said Silnek, "that you are my sole heir. And you are aware that the estate is in need of a living blood heir. It is your responsibility to produce that heir as soon as physically possible upon your marriage to-"

"I am aware of my duties," said Siranon. "I shall attend them as soon as possible."

"Well, Shani, if you know the man is under a time constraint, why don't you just give him what he's supposed to have?" her mother threw at her from across the kitchen.

Shanna's mouth dropped open as she felt betrayed, big time! She stood up from her crouched position having found the cream. She put both the fruit salad and the cream on the countertop and grasped at words. "I don't think this is proper kitchen conversation," was the only thing she was able to get out.

"You seemed quite ready before to negotiate your current timetable," Silnek said as he turned his eyes and aura on her.

"You're getting older, Shani," her mother saw fit to remind her. "You don't want to miss your window, especially since it'll be a hybrid pregnancy. There are a lot of risks when you're just carrying a human baby past 35, which is the age you'll be when you finally get around to doing this, but a Vulcan baby?"

Siranon turned and looked at her. It had been one of his biggest concerns with her producing a child later rather than sooner. "My wife, I confess that I am quite concerned for your health if we do not do so as soon as possible."

She shook her head, feeling like she was in a spotlight as three sets of eyes settled on her.

It was all too much, the past couple of MONTHS. She still felt like she was just catching up with all of the changes in her life, and she was about to go through more changes, still if T'Pau had her way. And she felt as if she were being pushed to make an even more drastic change much too soon. It all came crashing down at that moment. Silnek was charismatic, but one thing he could not do was push someone into doing what they sincerely weren't ready for. Shanna's lower lip began to tremble and she found herself doing and saying something she never wanted to do and say with any of Siranon's relatives. "It's my uterus, dammit, and I'll use it when I _feel like it_!" she shouted and then made a run for the exit. She hit the release switch that emptied out onto the external house gardens and ran away from the kitchen as fast as she could.

Her mother sharply turned on both men. "Look what you two did to my Shani!"

"Madam, do you forget that you were also a participant in that conversation?" asked Silnek as Siranon went to follow his wife.

"Oh, well, you're trying to put all of the responsibility on _me_, I see!" said Noreen Castillo. "Well you may be the finest man I ever set eyes on, but that _doesn't_ mean-"

Siranon went through the exit and left his father and mother-in-law to argue it out. The door closed behind him and having the sound of their voices cut off enabled him to listen for where his wife happened to be in the gardens.

Neither one of them had had much time to spend there, especially not together. It was one of the reasons they had agreed that they should wait until they were two to three years into their marriage before conceiving a child. They were both so busy at the moment and would become busier still if he acquired his own embassy and became an ambassador.

He could hear Shanna's sobs around the corner and headed straight for them. He turned the corner and the sight of his wife on the ground, hunched over, hugging herself, bawling into her hands made him feel even worse about what had just happened in the kitchen. But through their bond, he didn't only detect sadness. She was angry.

"My wife," he said as he approached.

"You stay _away_ from me!" she said sharply as she sat up fully and pointed an accusatory finger at him.

He put his hands up as if to indicate he was not carrying any weapons. "I am alone," he tried to tell her reassuringly.

"I don't care!" she said on a sob. "You sided with them! You tried to bully me into doing something I wasn't ready for yet!"

He was at her side, instantly. "_Ashal-veh, _please," he practically plead.

She was then smacking at his shoulders and arms, full of a rage she didn't understand. "Why did you do that? Why did you _do_ that?!"

Siranon could feel a sensation in his own chest as if it were his heart breaking. But it was his wife's. She was so undeniably sad about what had happened! He pulled her close and tried to hug her. "I do not understand what overcame the three of us."

"Your father is what overcame the three of you!" she snapped.

"Pardon?"

"Don't think I don't know, because anyone whose standing in a ten mile radius of that man knows that he uses his influence and that damned telepathic _thing_ he's got to get his way! No wonder he was banned from that embassy near the Neutral Zone!"

Siranon visibly stiffened. "That was not my father's doing. It is not his fault if others are weak of will to his suggestions."

"Oh, whatever! Does that include you, too? Because you were ready to steamroll over my feelings tonight just so you can get a biological heir out of me sooner rather than later! Is that all I am to you?"

He cringed on the inside. It was true that he had fallen under his father's influence much too easily. He swallowed. It was time to confess. "My wife… perhaps the fault lies primarily with myself."

She frowned. "Well you didn't start the browbeating session, how is it your fault?"

"No, my wife. Perhaps I was not truthful with you when we discussed the prospect of waiting to conceive a biological child."

She sniffled as she wiped her eyes. "Siranon? Is there something you want to tell me?"

He pulled her up as he stood and sat them both down on a proper seating unit, a nearby bench. "I did not tell you the full truth. I wish to have additional children now as opposed to two or three years from now."

She looked at him and blinked. "So you just agreed with what I was saying before about when we would have more children and you didn't say anything?"

He swallowed. "That is the case."

She was very confused. "Siranon, Ananda's about to turn one year old, Henry's not even fully six months, he can't even walk yet! Neither child is potty trained… do you know how exhausted I'm going to be if we do this so soon?"

He knew. But he could not understand the biological imperative pushing him to produce an heir. And if he were honest with himself, he wanted more than one child with her. But that was a conversation for another day.

She saw he was just sitting there, not talking. "Well don't go out of your way to communicate with me about this!"

It struck him then how much she resembled her mother when she became angry. And then he remembered as he stood up. "I left our parents in the kitchen. They were in the middle of an argument."

She stood quickly. "Holy crap!"

They both rushed back around the corner and entered the code to get directly into the kitchen exit. They rushed in to see Silnek sitting at the kitchen table with Shanna's mother. The woman had a great big grin on her face as she listened to him talk.

"That man is dangerous," Shanna shook her head.

They both looked at her then. "Shani, I'm sorry I made you cry," said her mother.

Silnek nodded, "Yes, it was not seemly for us to intrude upon a matter that should have remained solely between the two of you. We beg your forgiveness for that rudeness."

Shanna sighed as she tried to smile. "Um…thank you for your apologies." But she looked over at Siranon. The damage was already done. Her husband had something he wanted apparently very badly and he had not told her the truth about it. So now what was she going to do? She wasn't ready to make any children just yet, but that gaping hole in Siranon she had glimpsed when he had finally come out and admitted that he was not comfortable with a timetable of three years before they produced a biological child bothered her very much.

They both saw that their respective parents were back in conversation with one another and Siranon used that opportunity to stand close to her, whisper, "My wife, I am aware of your thoughts and you are aware of mine. I agree, at this time, to postpone speaking on the matter further until six months has passed. Is that agreeable to you?"

She looked up at him and knew that if they talked about it again that night, it was going to turn into an argument. But what exactly did he think they were going to discuss in six months? She shook her head. Maybe it was better to just leave the situation well enough alone for half a year. Anything could change in half a year! "Okay. Six months from now, we'll talk about it again."

He nodded. "Agreed."


	25. Chapter 25

The next morning Shanna awoke, she could feel a real strain between herself and Siranon. This was not good. They may have agreed to wait six months to talk things out about making a baby, but neither one of them had left it behind in their own heads.

He had already gone to take care of things over at the embassy for the official reception they would be having for T'Pau that night as well as the UFP reception for the next night in the public ballroom section of the embassy.

She went across the house and went to see the babies. That was always guaranteed to make her feel better. She spent the morning taking turns holding Ananda and Henry, playing with them both. She had to admit to herself it wouldn't be bad to have a third, but she also had to admit to herself that she would feel guilty, because she would feel much too stretched to give attention to yet a third child when she felt she didn't spend enough time with the two they already had.

She went over in her mind the reasons she wanted to wait three years. For starters, Ananda would most likely be in some form of early learning during the day and Henry would be not far behind. Both children would be out of diapers by then and well on their way to a small degree of independence. She would also get to go back to full-time work for a short time at least before having another baby to care for. And if they were far from Earth on Vulcan or at another embassy? What then?

There were too many unknowns and Shanna told herself it was time to leave this alone until the agreed upon time to revisit it. She felt stretched enough as it was and simply couldn't take one more change so soon.

Siranon was struggling with annoyance. He was annoyed with himself, with his father and with his wife. He tried to pretend as if he were not, but he knew he was going to have to seek out a quiet place and meditate for an hour in the middle of the day. He also knew, due to his recent Pon Farr, he was still emotionally out of balance.

That brought him back to the memory of his brief streak of anger when it was confirmed that Shanna had not conceived during his Time. Of course, it was intentional on her part since he knew from beforehand she was on a form of birth control, but it did not dim his disappointment. And that lead him back to thoughts of his first wife and how she continually delayed giving him children. But within six months of bonding with another, she had produced a child.

He was suddenly blindsided by the notion that perhaps his past interfering with his present! He found himself reeling from the thought. He was used to these sorts of issues affecting his human wife. But he assumed that because he meditated on a regular basis that he would not be given to thoughts such as these.

Meditation, however, only worked as deeply as the one meditating was willing to delve. And he had not truly delved into that facet of things in his mind where T'Shellis was concerned. His keen need of a biological heir.

Now that that had been laid bare in his thoughts, he was able to search and found the seeds in his mind, sprouting: Mistrust, displaced resentment. There was even a part of his mind willing to entertain tampering with Shanna's birth control! _Deception!_

He forced himself to stand and walk away from the table where the Vulcans of the embassy were seated attempting to plan things out for the reception that evening and the night after. "If you will excuse me for one half hour of time," he announced and then left.

He walked away from the area and found the quiet place in the embassy made for just such an occasion. Emergency meditation sessions. It was time for him to fully examine his reaction to the past and how it was affecting his present before it ruined his future with Shanna.

##

By the time Siranon arrived that evening to escort her to the Vulcan reception at the embassy, she was already in the proper robes awaiting his arrival. And he seemed to be much more mentally put together than he had been when he had left for the embassy that morning.

"My wife," he said rather warmly in greeting as he entered their room.

Taken aback, she answered, "Siranon, are you all right? I mean, after last night…"

He cross the room, his hand extending, two fingers outstretched. First he put them to her lips, then he took her hand in his and clasped their fingers together. The two of them could feel the burn of want for one another. Their eyes met and held, a mounting tide of many emotions building steadily. He shook his head as he admitted, "My wife, I have been untruthful with myself and therefore I could not be truthful with you."

She swallowed back words and realized he was trying to tell her something. Instead of rambling on like she usually would have, she simply nodded to let him speak his piece.

He continued, "I misplaced my thoughts, my-" he grappled for the right words, "my intentions. I misunderstood the meaning of meditation and its true function and it led me down the wrong path."

Her eyebrows rose. "Meditation? What does that have to do with-"

"I assumed because I meditated that my thoughts and emotions from the past were resolved." He shook his head. "They were not."

She saw he was struggling with the words and didn't understand how to tell her of everything he realized. "Siranon, when we get back from the embassy tonight, we can figure this out. The reception is in an hour and we might be late."

"Then we shall have to be late."

Her almost silver colored eyes widened, "But T'Pau-"

"Our marriage comes first, does it not?" he asked as he held her eyes.

She felt the sting of tears to the backs of her eyes as she looked down and away from him. She hadn't expected him to say something like that. "But I know you want to make a good impression by arriving on time and-"

"If I am not to receive an embassy of my own due to these issues, then it will not happen and we will be the better for it as a unified pair." He lifted her face by the chin with one hand so that she would look into his eyes. "There is much we must both lay bare and words are not enough. May I meld with you now?"

She looked over at the bedside chronometer and couldn't believe he was willing to throw away what he wanted to make certain they were on the same page. And she realized that besides that botched marital bond, they had never shared minds before in a meld. She was involuntarily afraid. That last time, the pain was—

"I will be careful," he whispered as he sat her down on their bed, sat opposite her, hand lifted and poised at the psi points of her face. But he was waiting for her permission first.

She looked up into his eyes and swallowed, still afraid, but nodding even so. "Yes. Do it."

He closed his eyes and prepared himself mentally. Putting a hand to the correct points on her face, though he didn't need to, he whispered, "Your mind to my mind… your thoughts to my thoughts… we are one…"

* * *

_A/N - It felt correct to end it 'here' and to do the meld and its aftermath later. Thank you for your patience. :-)  
_


	26. Chapter 26

_Pulled into the past, the two stood with one another. They were inside the moment of a memory, but separated from it._

_ Standing within Siranon's family koon-ut-kali-fee grounds were two small children. There, also present, was a younger T'Pau and their immediate family members looking on with properly dispassionate faces._

_ Shanna immediately recognized a tiny version of Siranon's face on the boy. She was struck with awe at that face as he looked trustingly over at his clan mother just before she was about to join him to the little girl standing opposite him who was about the same age._

_ Shanna realized, "T'Shellis…"_

_ The girl was only an inch shorter than Siranon in height. Her hair was dark brown and her eyes were almost exactly the same color as her hair. Her skin was almost pale in color. She already possessed very pretty facial features. She still looked very innocent, as well, as she looked back briefly at a set of adults waiting… her parents, no doubt._

_ "This was the day we became joined," said Siranon to Shanna as she stood at his side and surveyed the memory with him._

_ Both young people then kneeled before T'Pau and she began the ceremony by putting her hands to their faces._

_ The scene faded out, shifted into another…_

_ Shanna watched as a now older and newly calmed Siranon went to see T'Shellis after his first Pon Farr. T'Shellis was older now, much more beautiful in her full maturity. "My husband," she greeted very formally. Shanna could feel the echo of cool from the old vestiges of that meld. There was a quick shift to a different memory not too long afterward… "I did not conceive a child because I did not wish to," T'Shellis addressed Siranon in an almost matter-of-fact way as she sat at her mirror and brushed her hair carefully._

_ "You intentionally blocked conception?" he asked quite calmly as he stood beside her, hands clasped behind his back._

_ "Yes, of course. We are both just beginning our careers. This is not the most logical time for either one of us to pause to see to children."_

_ His sigh was only slight, but he had to agree, "Yes, of course. You are quite correct at this time. That is most logical for our circumstances. We shall wait for the next Time."_

_ She nodded in seeming agreement and returned to brushing her hair._

_ Memories paraded by as Shanna felt the impression from Siranon of the passage of time. She experienced, from his point of view, how T'Shellis seemed to take every opportunity to leave his side, not remain on the same planet as he, the way she shied away from his touch in everyday life whenever they lived together. And then it happened, one after the other. Every Pon Farr ended the same way, some excuse for her to not have conceived their child, for having intentionally blocked reproduction though she had promised after each Time that they would produce a child together on the next cycle._

_ She watched the memories pass by of Siranon meeting up with companions from his youth, intentionally or by accident. Each one, as the years passed, having already produced one child, some two… one couple he knew his entire life had thus far produced FIVE children! She felt his heated envy of that particular family… And during his long marriage, still, he possessed… none…_

_ And through it all, Shanna felt Siranon's mounting frustration that was only just being tamped down in favor of proper control. She could feel his dissatisfaction with the state of things with his bondmate, experience T'Shellis' indifference firsthand on a mental level. It stung. Over and over, it stung him…_

_ Siranon's passionate nature behind closed doors caused her to react with an extra layer of cold toward him… "You are improper in all of your ways," she told him one day when he tried to initiate sexual contact with her in the middle of the day._

_ He agreed, "Yes, I am. However, I have only shown this face to you, T'Shellis. Can you not appreciate the meaning of that? Is that not how it should be between bondmates?"_

_ She merely looked him up and down before walking out on him. From that day, Siranon began to board up his inner thoughts and emotions from her. He wished to become as dispassionate as possible in order not to further horrify his wife with his true nature… but she did not know, for she was gone once again on another space surveying mission._

_ More memories of time passing, Siranon spending increasing amounts of time either alone or in the company of his old friend Kenji and then his wife. Watching their romance bud firsthand and wondering if perhaps he should marry a human… Watched Siranon turn from that thought. He was already bonded. Such thoughts were scandalous! And yet, he was still alone…_

_ Reaching out for T'Shellis while she was so far away one last time, but even via their bond not being able to contact her since she had, in effect, blocked access to her mind…_

_ By the time the memory came that was inevitable, Shanna could feel the sensation between the old bondmates, not of hostility, but almost that of strangers looking at one another across a table._

_ "I have come to formally request the dissolution of our bond," were her unsurprising words._

_ Siranon nodded. Though they had drifted, there was still a spark of hope within him that they would perhaps come together, improve things between them- produce a child together. But that spark of hope was doused immediately upon her words to him. "Yes, of course. I shall furnish that outcome as soon as possible."_

_ She seemed momentarily surprised at how quickly he had let go. "I commend your logic in this situation."_

_ "There is no logic in holding that which does not wish to be held. You are free. As far as I am aware, we need not be in each other's care to have our bond dissolved." He raised the ta'al, though deep down inside he did not wish for her to live long or prosper at that moment. And then he stood wordlessly and departed from her company for good…_

_ The memory arose of T'Pau speaking to him on a viewscreen… "Thou former wife hath married and produced an heir with another so quickly after dissolution… do you wish the affair looked into? If these dealings began while the two of you were still in a state of being bonded-"_

_ He shook his head. "No. She is free now. What was done in the past is done. I shall pursue no retaliation."_

_ And through it all, Shanna sensed Siranon blaming himself…_

_ "How can you blame yourself?" she asked him in the meld, angry. "What could you have done differently?"_

_ He shook his head as possibilities whizzed past them at the speed of light. "I considered many angles… I extrapolated every possible divergence of action, every possible thing I could have changed… I could have been less passionate. That is not seen well among my people! I could have given her even more freedom or I could have insisted she allow me to accompany her on deep space assignments as was my right… I could have tampered with her birth control as I often contemplated."_

_ Shanna found herself shocked that he had thought of that. "Oh damn… you really wanted children, didn't you?"_

_ "I confess now, I also contemplated the same with you!" She saw him then, that side of him, as his face changed into a growing firestorm of possession, want and anger. "See now the face of the man who drove a bondmate away! Do you also shy away from this part of me? I would know it __**now**__, Shanna!"_

_ Standing there within his mind, she could not deny the fear that ran up her spine as she watched him become this man, what she called His Other Self. But just as her fear became nearly crippling, a memory of her own interfered._

_ They both turned, distracted by what popped up from her mind._

_ It was a moment from his latest Pon Farr nearly two weeks before. Siranon, deep in plak tow, was in an almost frenzy of rage to couple once again. Shanna turned to try and find a more comfortable place to be for this latest round of mating. A little wobbly because her stim-shot was wearing off, she tripped and went face first into the rock of the cave they were in._

_ Siranon, having no memory of any of his Times, stood, fascinated as he watched himself, even out of his mind, go and wordlessly pull Shanna up into a sitting position. Still mute, he touched her face with a feather light stroke with a question on his face he was unable to voice. True worry played across his features._

_ "I'm okay," said the Shanna in the memory as she looked up into his eyes reassuringly. "I'm okay," she assured him again as her hands pulled his face to hers and kissed him. That quickly, they were coupling again and the memory faded._

_ "Why-" he asked haltingly. "Why did you show me… that?"_

_ She tried to stop a tide of emotion washing over her, but couldn't. Her love and respect for him permeated her next words. "You showed me that person, that man full of rage! But I needed you to see that even when your controls were off, you were so careful with me, made sure I was all right first-"_

_ "But I feel your fear of that side of me!" he almost shouted as he grabbed her arms and pulled her in close._

_ "Just because I fear him doesn't mean I don't love him!" she shouted back up into his face. "I love every part of you! You can't help who you are on the inside! Do you think I'd want the world to see __**my**__ id? She's pure chaos! We all have that side to us! But you can't live just with the straight- laced side, you need both sides of the coin to have a damned coin! And don't you EVER try to scare me away from you because __**I'm not leaving you**__!" Her face softened considerably. "I'm not her," she whispered as a phantom of T'Shellis passed them by. "I'm not her."_

They fell out of the meld then, both of them shaken. Shanna quickly looked over at the chronometer. Funny how time stretches out so long in the mind. A mere fifteen minutes had passed.

Siranon sat across from her, trying to get his mind back together as he looked at his wife. That meld that gotten out a lot of pent up thoughts and emotions on his end. And he was able to see with clearer eyes for the first time concerning his Shanna. She loved him. Unreasonably? Yes. But the emotion was mutual.

They were both basking in deep emotion from the meld. And more than anything else at that moment he wanted to remove her robes and join his body with hers. She read his mind much more easily than she used to. "There is no time for that right now!" she laughed, still a little shaken. She wondered if they made love on the heels of such an emotional meld, would it land them both in the hospital? "There _is_ still time for us to win that embassy you want."

Yes. The embassy. He nodded. "But tonight," he declared, no question in his mind.

They were not cleared to engage in physical contact until the following day. But she no longer cared. "Yes. Tonight."

He remembered then, "Are you experiencing any pain?"

She thought about it. The last time, she had almost immediately began to feel a stark headache with ringing in her ears. But not this time. "No. Nothing."

He nodded, relieved as he stood up from their bed.

"And Siranon," she called after him as he went to walk for the door.

"Yes, my wife?" he asked almost tenderly, eyes full of emotions he was trying to control.

She swallowed back tears. "In two months, my birth control wears off. I won't… I won't go for anymore shots after that."

His eyes widened. "_Ashal-veh_, I did not share the memories with you to sway your decision. I did it so that-"

"-so that I would understand why you're kind of off kilter in the area of reproduction, I know," she laughed a little. "And having seen it from the inside now-" She shook her head. "My mom is right, too, about my age. I should do it now since it will be a hybrid pregnancy and much more risky than a human one on my body."

There was a look in his eyes, a flash of something that did scare her at that moment. He advanced upon her quickly, grabbed her by the arms. "You are certain?" he asked as he looked down into her eyes searchingly, intensity once again on full.

She looked up at him and could feel the emotions swirling inside him rapidly. He was dangerously overjoyed. "Yes, but honey, you can't go out in public like this!" she said, worried for him.

"I will meditate for ten minutes before we leave for the embassy function," he promised as he pulled her in to his chest and gave her an almost crushing hug. "My Shanna, my _ashal-veh_," he whispered one last time before he forced himself to let her go and leave the room to meditate himself back into a state of even calm.

* * *

_A/N - First and foremost, I am a character driven writer. And even I didn't see that coming out of Shanna's mouth until I wrote it!  
_


End file.
